Inside Love, There is Harmony

A phrase that whenever I hear it, I can already feel the peace, and placidity coming from the inside of me.

I first heard this phrase when listening to the podcast series “Harmonious love” on Youtube with Zen master Minh Niệm as the main guest on the show.

I was really immersed in the charming hostess’s questions along with the profound philosophies of Master Minh Niệm while they discussed “Love”. In particular, the quote that impressed me the most is: “True love only starts within us when we are ready to have True love with ourselves.”

My dear friend,

Did you notice that until now, we still think the person we met and considered the “True love” of our life is the one who gave us love and strong feelings at first sight?

Or “True love” is that moment when you realise your partner is your best match in all aspects. From eating and drinking preferences, life perspectives, career path to opinions on giving birth, and much much more?

Indeed, those are all true. Yet they are still not enough.

True love is the harmony of emotions and flutters in ourselves.

Love has often been equated with our emotional flows. Yet true love needs to be accompanied by the understanding of love and how to love. With both emotions and proper knowledge, the two people will be able to feel satisfied and enjoyed more than ever.

No matter how fluttering we are, without the connection between souls, it is still very hard to keep both people together for long. However, a relationship with only two similar souls is not enough. Love requires understanding and care. Understanding helps us go through disagreements together, the times when our feelings can gradually fade.

Fall in love fast, come craving so quickly but end up leaving early. “Love at first sight” can bring two acquaintances together but those initial flutters won’t be able to prolong their relationship. That feeling of having butterflies whenever seeing the other soon will pass. By then, only the desire for a long-term relationship can help us stay together through the years.

But in order to have that bonding, we have to remember Master Minh Niem’s definition of “Yêu lành” at the beginning of this article: each person has to be truly ready and loves themselves first in order for “True love” to appear properly. When we love ourselves enough, we will understand and sympathise with our lover more easily. Then “Yêu lành” would come in the most peaceful and natural way possible.

In love, there is care – “care” can keep people who love others together for a long time.

“How fun it is when we first fell in love, how beautiful is the day when we have just met our other half…” Love at first was as intense as fire, but over time, love gradually turns into care, as calm as a toad in the sun. The destination of a happy relationship is when we truly care and appreciate everything about our other half. Not because we are generous or great, but because we realise they mean so much more in our lives. 

The 4-letter word “Care” seems so simple yet to understand it thoroughly, we have to patiently count the months, and the years just like how we take care of fruit until it ripens on its own. “Care” is when we feel part of us is being ripped out when seeing our other half has to suffer in life. “Care” is when we just want to give our other half the biggest hug ever when that person is too busy that they forget to take care of themselves. “Care” is when our other half succeeds or fails, we are still committed to staying with them. “Care” is when we want to see our other half by our side every day even in our youth or in our old age. 

When we love a person, that’s not because they are perfect or outstanding. We care about them because we treasure them. We care because he or she brings us simple, peaceful happiness. We see their weaknesses but we also see the warmth they bring into our lives. That’s “care” and that’s “love”. Like – Love – Understanding – Care, the cycle keeps on going like that and eventually brings people closer together day by day. 

The final destination of love is for both people to be at peace in real life.

Anyone who enters love always wishes to be together until the end. Yet love can also mean suffering and separation. The value of love is never measured by how long we have been together but by how happy we were the whole time.

Someone used to say: “Home is where the storm stops behind the doors.” Love is like a peaceful berth for people to return after many sufferings and damages. Yet somewhere in this world, there are still selfish loves and selfish relationships. These people love a person in exchange for their own benefits. That’s not true love. That’s an act of using the name of love to selfishly care about their own selves. That type of love will fade sooner or later. Only people who feel peaceful when loving a person and want to bring peace to their other half are truly in love and know how to love. 

Love is when both people feel calm and peaceful, and feel like they have another support to overcome big obstacles in their lives. We have a person to stick with, to accompany, and to trust. We can share sweet moments with them today and fight through the suffering together tomorrow. We are the anchor point. voluntarily the refuge of our other half. We stay by a person’s side because we are happy with them and so are they.

In a “harmonious love”, you are still yourself, but you also have your most-loved ones by your side.

To “happily love” is when we see ourselves caring about another person but still comfortably love ourselves and be ourselves. We don’t need to lose ourselves to please our significant other. We also don’t have to change ourselves to be that person’s ideal type. Once we are in love, the feeling of being together is more valuable than those ideal types, drawn in our imaginations. Because that’s our true emotions, our true selves.

The desire to be the best partner in that person’s eyes is a beautiful desire. It will be our own motivation to try harder and live better. As long as we understand that we still have to love ourselves first, and change for ourselves first. We also shouldn’t force our significant others to do anything for us. Love has enough power for him or her to voluntarily do extraordinary things for each other.

One magnificent thing about love is we have someone who will always be on our side, always walking with us through time, and through different events in life. We love, and we hope to build a better life together. Our ambition of changing should always be self-willed. When we are with a person, we become a better version of ourselves. So is our partner. That is the power of love, the act of respecting our loved ones. 

Using the name of love to force the other person to do something they don’t want is not truly “love”. True love is when facing the options of what they want to do and what we hope they would do, we will let them decide on their own. As long as they are happy and comfortable. Their smiles mean more than our expectations. 

We don’t put a burden on the person we love and at the same time don’t try to force ourselves. We love and take care of ourselves in order to care for and take care of our partners. We love with peace and bring peace to that person. “True love starts from self-love.” Do not forget to love yourself, too. Be yourself even when you are in love. 

We “harmoniously” love someone, we are still able to be true to ourselves and appreciate our partners for being themselves. We voluntarily think and care for our significant others so that we can love with peace, with enjoyment, and with happiness.

Much love,

Truly Inspired.