TIPS FOR IMPROVING YOUR MARRIAGE IMMUNITY

“Immunity” refers to the daily process of taking care of one’s physical and/or mental health state. However, for me, “immunity” in true marriage is one of the most important things that sadly not many of us are really paying attention to, and we only realise it when something goes wrong.

It is especially recorded that the divorce or separation rate has severely increased more after the COVID-19 pandemic, not only in Australia but also worldwide. If you are specifically going through a salvaged marriage with extremely stressful efforts, then please continue going through this article with me.

However, before you read further, you should take a few minutes to take a look back at your own marriage. Notice if you are going through any of the situations I mention as follows:

• In the beginning, you got married because of the happy, joyful scenarios that you built up in your imagination. You think that together, the two of you would create meanings for each other’s lives. But when the love boat just sailed, it was suddenly hit by the waves and knocked down on the way. This could even happen after only six months or one year living together.
• After a few months or a few years of living together, you begin to feel that the other person is not really the person that Cupid sent us before. A beautiful, sweet girl or guy was replaced by a grumpy, sloppy wife or a lazy husband with huge belly fat.
• You thought you could marry a “Miss Cinderella” or a “Prince” who knows how to share everything, but in the end standing in front of you is a selfish person who only thinks about themselves.
• Your children are born one after another, but the family’s finances do not double as quickly as the presence of new children in your household.
• The rifts gradually appeared and heated arguments occurred more often, sometimes because of issues as trivial as throwing out a trash bag or drying a shirt!

During my career as a Coach, I have had the opportunity to listen to stories told by many couples who were having problems with their marriage, and I realised that they all had similar problems.

There were people under 30 years old, but there were also people between 40-49 years old that consulted me. This means that when things do not seem right, not only young people but middle-aged people can also choose to divorce when they can no longer find a common voice with their partner.

And I found that the commonality between all broken marriages lies within the issue that their foundation of marriage immunity is extremely weak!

So what would be the foundation of marriage immunity?

For me, that would be expectations, agreements and commitments.

We often expect too much of what our partner can do for us and for this marriage, but we sometimes forget to write down agreements to ensure the commitment of our marriage.

Maybe you are a person who values love and appreciates the value of connections and emotions more in marriage, hence things related to rationality and commitment will be difficult for you to comprehend and accept.

However, the pinnacle of all relationships is seeing each other as friends to share, listen to and understand. Without friendship between the two sides, you will set higher expectations and therefore be more easily disappointed, due to each person being an independent individual with different views and personalities. When expectations are set too high without any agreements or commitment, you or your partner will tend to be more demanding. And I promise you, love would soon be taken away by Cupid.

The stronger the resistance, the stronger the family and marriage relationship will be. When both of them understand themselves, know their own desires and values, and exchange with each other. From there, a lasting connection will be born, knowing how to treat companions.

As Zen master Thich Nhat Hanh once said, “Understanding is another name for love. If you cannot understand, then you cannot love.”

So in my opinion, the immunity of marriage should be built upon the following three elements: Caring, Finances and Emotions.

Caring is all the meaningful words and actions you say to each other every day. It can be how you care, how you ask questions, how you cook breakfast for both of you, how you hug and say thank you to your partner, etc. Although these are just very little things, they are the real bond that holds the two of you together, and the more you do, the stronger the bond will become.

Emotions imply that whether you are very busy or whether you are feeling that love is overflowing around your small house, do not forget to create romantic dates and private outings with your partner. Have you noticed the couples around you whose only focus is on work all year round? Their marriage is nothing but quarrels that are always lacking in romance, isn’t it?

Finances, it suggests that both you and your partner need to have your own stable job. We should already have an agreement from the very beginning for the shared incomes depending on each person’s financial ability. And sarcastically, do not take it too seriously when your partner says “I’d take care of everything for you!”

If you fail to have an agreement or share with your partner your financial issues at the beginning of the marriage, then most of the time this would become a destructive element to your marriage. At some point, it will begin to damage the marriage immunity that you have worked so hard to build.

There are so many other things you can add to the aforementioned list, such as making prenuptial agreements before moving into the same house. For many people, this can be very difficult to tackle and work on, but it is a necessary thing that we all need to do. It is not selfishness but a good way to protect your own marriage as well as to protect yourself against life’s unforeseen risks.

Premarital agreements are also a way out for the relationship when it comes to an impasse instead of having to wait for the court or let the other person put pressure and even threats on you. Of course, I know none of us want to take this step, but better be careful!

After all, every marriage is a predestined relationship in which Cupid has connected two people who are meant for one another together. However, the bond and the love will soon be replaced by the heavy pressures of the burden in life. Therefore, increasing the “immunity” of marriage is a crucial thing that you absolutely need to do to live a fuller, happier life.

If you need any more advice, guidance and sharing to be able to get through the depressive phase of your marriage that you are facing, then please don’t hesitate to share it with us! Together we will find the best way to increase the immunity of your marriage!

Much love,

Truly Inspired