OVERCOMING WORKPLACE GOSSIPS

From my personal experience, one of the most interesting things about being a coach is having great chances to listen to the different experiences and stories of various people every single day.

There is this one girl in the Truly Inspired team who told me the other day about a case that a friend of hers encountered at work:

Her friend has just experienced an intense “drama” in her workplace – where she has been working for nearly a year. Unfortunately, she was the “main character” of this mess even though she did not even understand what was going on at the time. This poor girl was so stressed out when being misunderstood, especially when she found out all the awful rumors about her being spread around were, in reality, originated from her middle manager.

With a passion for becoming an excellent salesperson, after graduating, she applied to a real estate company. Her cleverness, jauntiness, and talents have helped her successfully make great impressions on many of her bosses. However, that is also what made her “different” in the eyes of her surrounding colleagues. They had fun, and enjoyed many conversations with her, yet behaved the complete opposite behind her back. She accidentally realized this while sitting in the toilet, hearing every unacceptable word they spoke about her.

Having her expectations failed, she was shocked, and disappointed, then felt why is it so unfair that “she” in people’s daily gossip and people’s perspectives is nothing like the usual “her” in real life. The girl confided with her younger sister that she started to be too afraid to communicate with her colleagues and was no longer interested in showing up at work anymore. She couldn’t think of a company to apply to without having to face the same disaster all over again. Sadly, she had completely lost faith in the company to which she once devoted her time, her effort and her heart to benefit it while gaining new knowledge for herself.

After hearing the story, I just felt sorry for her because she was still in a youthful period of her life, the period where many ambitions and passions arise. Unfortunately, her first bits of hope was crushed even before they got a chance to develop at her workplace. She has not gotten enough real-life experience to “fight back”, nor strong enough to ignore the drama.

My friend, such scenarios in most workplaces are not uncommon. It can happen to our relatives, friends, or even to ourselves. Therefore, how can we overcome “workplace gossip” and be more confident when dealing with colleagues? In this article, I would like to share some tips which will help you feel so much better:

Finish your job excellently

What is your main purpose for going to the office every day?

You show up at your company to work, contribute to your organization, and learn how to improve your expertise with the strengths and intelligence inside of you, thereby creating an adequate income for yourself.

Consequently, the best way to avoid gossip is to focus on finishing your duties excellently and at the same time, prove your outstanding abilities to those who need to know. When you do a good job, your superiors and colleagues will respect you. Although in the first few days, there may still be some people who doubt your ability, when you work seriously for a long time, it will be almost impossible for others to keep denying you. 

Other than completing your given tasks superbly, you should also always aim to be positive, proactive, and creative while working. Leaders often appreciate and have better impressions of people who are enterprising, confident in expressing themselves and have a sense of responsibility. As for those who deliberately envy you, just let them do so. At the end of the day, your hard work will pay off.

Exceed your limitations and don’t stop improving yourself.

Besides expressing and perfecting your strengths, you should also focus on overcoming and improving your weaknesses. Have you ever heard of the adage “Achilles heel”? This is a phrase that comes from a Greek myth, portraying a god named Achilles – a crossbreed between a warrior and the sea goddess – Thetis. The goddess once heard a prophecy saying that her son would soon die in a battle. That explains why ever since Achilles was a child, she had held his legs, turned him upside down, and plunged the son of king Peleus into the immortal river Styx. Since then, Achilles possesses absolute strength and an unbreakable body. As no one can recognize any of his weaknesses, he was invincible in many battles. Nevertheless, one day, the enemy of Achilles discovered the great warrior’s only weakness: the heel. Knowing this, he shot an, allegedly, poisoned arrow at Achilles’s heel, causing the soldier’s death. From there, the phrase “Achilles’ heel” was created, alluding to a person’s weaknesses.

When someone has already had an aversion to you, they would often focus on your weaknesses and wrongs more. But you know, it is completely normal for a human being to have a few weaknesses, do not worry too much about them.

However, to avoid unwanted gossip, you should try gaining more experience, knowledge, and skills to improve yourself, therefore, help you in contributing to your job. You should also invest in studying foreign languages and training in soft skills which are necessary for your current job. All of your efforts will help change your life, and remember that do not let anyone affect your work life negatively.

Build great relationships with your superiors and colleagues

Gossip comes from people hence if the relationships between people are good, it would rarely appear. A healthy working environment with quality and reliable relationships will help you reach your peaks and go beyond your limitations while working. To do so, you ought to build good relationships with your superiors and colleagues.

You do not have to try to flatter or act naive to please anyone, it is already enough when you are respectful, polite, and friendly to everyone. You should learn ways of lowering your ego, helping colleagues at work, and caring about each other’s lives whenever in need. As a choice, gifting colleagues on special occasions, praising, and encouraging them to express the best of themselves, or even listening to and empathizing with them more are always available options to help improve workplace relationships. You can also practice expressing thanks more often and instead of rebutting someone immediately, consider asking questions to understand their ideas more deeply first. Lastly, the most important factor is that if you do everything with a sincere heart, you will receive a sincere response.

Take control of your thoughts and actions

The reason why we feel troubled and annoyed is that we put too much time and effort just to care about them, the unnecessary. Still, do you know the only person here who we need to actually “control” is ourselves? When you have mastered your thoughts and actions, you will no longer be easily dominated by others ever again. Just imagine, you will not be able to imagine what people say about you when you are not there, will you?

Instead of having to guess what is being said about you by who, you can learn the way to control your quick temper, restrict your negative thoughts, and should also not lament in any circumstances. If you keep wasting time thinking about what happened at work and keep having a “victim” mindset, you will always be dominated by careless people, thereby hurting your mentality and affecting the quality of your work.

Learn to ignore the office gossip surrounding you

Where there is a crowd, there is gossip. Our ancestors used to say “Disasters all started from unexpected conversations”. To not be affected by the gossip, you should first stay away from the “gossip girls” look-alikes, and avoid interfering with people’s business. You should also not care about unreasonable and nonsense rumors or even workplace dramas.

Even if gossip appears in your life, with or without you being the “protagonist”, the best thing to do is ignore it, unless it directly affects your reputation or your job. Consequently, I am sure time will tell whether things will be cleared soon. Unreasonable rumors usually will not last long, which is why you should devote your time and effort to those who and things that truly deserve it.

Be careful with people who you choose to trust

I think that we should still always keep our private stories or darkest secrets to ourselves in every relationship, then only share those stories with someone truly special and trustworthy to us. However, you should also keep in mind that “special stories” should only be shared with different “special people”, meaning that one person should not know every secret, every aspect of your life.

There is this girl, a friend of mine, who used to trust and tell every one of her personal stories to a close colleague. Until one time, when the two had a tiny misunderstanding, a close colleague of hers started spreading those secrets among everyone in the company. At the end, not only was she sad over the loss of a relationship, my friend was so embarrassed that she had to quit her job at that company.

Therefore, “Better safe than sorry”. You can still be sincere and polite in your relationships, just do not forget to keep a little privacy for yourself!

Build a quality personal life after work

When a person’s life is always surrounded by love, no matter if it is loving themselves or loving others, they will not be bothered too much by gossip. That is why you should give yourself some quality time after work, too.

It can be taking care of yourself, having a little chit-chat with your family, spending time with your pet, reading a book, listening to music, playing sports, meeting your loved ones, traveling, or even learning something that you are passionate about, as long as you feel comfortable and joyful, it will be easier and more quickly for you to overcome the dramas and gossip in the workplace.

Besides my lovely colleagues, I also used to witness lots of gossip on those first days when I started working at one of my old companies. Thus, I used to be very annoyed by that. However, I learned from experience when it comes to managing my team or my work, I would always try to create a healthy and civilized working environment, so then my colleagues can work more comfortably and feel more assured.

Lastly, do you know we are entrained by gossip only if we give them the chance and allow them to do so? On the contrary, when we are consistent and strong enough, we will automatically know how to overcome all the dramas and gossip in the workplace to reach many peaks in our careers and build quality relationships.

Much love,

Truly Inspired