UNSTEADINESS

When I was still in school, my unsteady time was the very moment after the end of the last day of secondary school and high school. We did not know who would continue to accompany us in the new school year, how to meet and befriend new people, how to still be taught by the teachers that we were familiar with, and how to be sure whether new teachers would come and take charge instead.

During my 20s, unsteadiness in emotions was seen as when we did not know where we were going, which path we should take, and which direction would be right for us. Among thousands of options and possibilities, should we play safe and choose the same path as everyone else, or follow the path that we love? Which would be the right choice for our lives?

In the days near my 30s, unsteadiness would be expressed through those sleepless nights where we would just lay there, eyes wide awake and unable to fall asleep, surrounded by the utmost darkness just because the memories of our beautiful past kept coming back one by one. On the other hand, it could also be expressed through the moments when we noticed how everything and everyone surrounding us changed so drastically, where some of them already had their families settled down while others already had their solid careers, high reputations and achievements in life. As for me, my unsteadiness came from questions like “Why am I still here, and why am I not even knowing what I should do today or tomorrow to make my life better?”

When we reach our 40s and 50s, unsteadiness is now understood as the feeling of being fully defeated and exhausted after a long time investing our time and effort into different fields of our life, or after thousands of sleepless nights spent on thinking about ways to build up a beautiful future and how to get closer to that goal. At this stage in life, when we still have to think everyday about our future after retirement, will we be able to have a peaceful life just like the one in those dreams we used to long for during our young days? Who will take care and be by our side when our eyes weaken, our skin becomes worse with all the wrinkles and sagging, or when it gets harder for these hands to hold something tightly?

Many people think that it is just only for them, or only at their age that there exists unsteadiness in life. However, in fact, anyone at any age will eventually have such unsteadiness just like that. Just right after we pass through the door of childhood, everyone will have to go through those unsteady and bewildering moments.

Back in the days, I used to think that the appearance of our bewilderment was caused by seeing too many successful people and too many happy and satisfied individuals surrounding us, and meanwhile we were still not living the dreams that we wanted to, and that caused us to fall into the never-ending  swirl of unsteadiness and confusion.

But soon after, when I became more mature, I understood that the bewilderment does not come from different life situations nor other people, but it is because we are not “concentrated” enough or not “being still” enough when things happen.

Inside each person, there will always be a room for the feeling of “softly drifting around”, and this feeling can either be seen as “romantic” or “absent-minded”. To me, these states of emotions are all very positive feelings as when they appear, they awaken our hearts, our inner emotions, and evoke the lively pulse inside to let us know that our hearts are still intensively alive and how colorful our souls can be. Moreover, it is for us to also identify our values at different stages in life.

However, once we let that feeling take control over us, this also means that our inner strengths are truly weak and at risk. Those feelings will come and push us into the swirl of unsteadiness and bewilderment for only God knows how long it will be. Even worse, I know people who have lost their directions and ended up taking plenty of not-so-pleasant turns in life

My dear friend,

The unsteadiness in life may not seem that scary, yet the scariest thing is that our inner self cannot be stable and strong enough.

If one day the unsteadiness comes to find you, just gently welcome it.

Let it reveal all the negative emotions, all the nostalgia and regrets hidden deep inside your heart. Let those emotions flow through your mind, let the tears drop down your face. However, after those moments, try to calm yourself down, and look back on everything that has just passed by through the footage of your past. By then, start to look deeply into the reality you are standing in right now, and you will soon realise how fulfilled your life is.

You have good health, you have a loving heart.

You have a warm kindness inside you and a bright smile on your face.

You have a job, you can make your own money.

You can take care of yourself, you can help others.

You have dreams, you have goals to strive for.

You just need to rest well and recover all your senses. And afterwards, you will stand up strong, do nice stretches, have a big smile on your face, and continue walking firmly and peacefully on your life paths with your eyes looking forward, ears concentrating on listening to everything around.

Everything will work together in harmony, helping you soon be able to achieve your dreams.

It is all challenges, but at the same time it is all gifts. No matter if the wrapping paper is black or red, you just need to consequentially open each of them to discover what is inside each of them.

And lastly, just always remember that the best gift will never come at a cheap price. However, the gift will always be worth the price!

Much love,
Truly Inspired