PARENTING IS NOT EASY AT ALL!

People often say it is not until we become parents that we can deeply understand what suffering parents are going through. Therefore when I was already at the age of becoming a parent, that is when I truly understood the meaning of this statement.

Currently, while raising my daughter who is about to enter the teenage phase, I am more concerned about the new experiences that I will have to go through. However, I am always there for my child, whether it is her eating, going out, or teaching her something about life. I pay enough attention to understand what she is like. I am confident in being patient with many of her problems, I understand how her personality is, hence she and I can solve almost any situation together. I learned how to stay “cool” and to keep a “warm heart”, depending on each situation that is revolving around her. There are even times when I want my child to deeply learn a valuable life lesson by herself, instead of coaxing her sweetly, I would be strict and know where to stop for her to truly knows the value of an item, or knows how to appreciate when people are doing her favors, whether it is just a little or big act.

One of the blessings that life has given me is probably giving me chances to encounter different obstacles in work, daily life, and in marriage. When going through tough times, I automatically have the opportunity to improve myself and realize many life lessons, and new experiences which become beneficial for me to get prepared to share the good and bad times with people or to help anyone who is in need. In particular, thanks to every struggle in my life, I have become more emotionally mature and successfully learned how to understand others by understanding myself first.

I will tell you a story that I have witnessed recently: While walking on a street with a friend, we came across a child who is about 7-8 years old, lying on the ground and crying loudly. Standing next to him is a young mother who, on the one hand, seems to be at a loss of her son’s screaming, which is affecting the pedestrians on the street, on the other hand, is feeling helpless because she could not do anything to stop the situation. My friend and I were also “disturbed” by the loud crying of the little boy while having chit-chats as well as enjoying our walk. However, a more notable factor for us was the mother’s “naive” response to her child’s behavior. 

While scrolling through social media, I have also read another story that goes like this: There was a man, who was about 40 years old and had miserably entered a convenience store to buy things with a shabby appearance. Surprisingly, he has been in there for forty minutes, just going back and forth in the same stall without choosing any items. While the store was sparsely attended, when a female employee approached and asked the man if he needed any help, it took him a while to be able to a bit embarrassedly describe the item he needed to buy. It was a hard time for her to fully understand what the man needed to buy was a package of…. sanitary pads! He said that his daughter had reached puberty, yet a busy father like him did not know how to take care of his child. The fact that he is also a single father made it even more difficult for him to discuss the problem with her. Therefore, he had to go to the store to buy the pads, and silently put them in her bedroom, hoping it would help her in some way.

Do you know why I am sharing these two stories with you – the dearest readers of Truly Inspired?

That is because, in many counseling sessions with my clients, I have realized one thing: Many parents are similar to the cases I have mentioned above. They are all trying to be parents for the first time in their life, and there are still so many problems within them!

On the one hand, some people can easily deal with all of the difficulties and new experiences, as the life lessons from the previous have been passed on to them or they have been psychologically and financially prepared in advance for a long time. However, on the other hand, many people have “unexpectedly” become parents, or they just have not been ready for that sacred responsibility.

Some parents experience panic attacks or even become depressed when they first attempt to take care of a few-month-old baby, because of their daily, nightly crying. Nevertheless, the moms and dads also have to take turns getting up and mixing the milk powder for the baby to drink multiple times during the night, while still having to be on time for work the next day.

Even though some other parents have tried to minimize all their daily expenses and try to get as many jobs as possible to increase their income, they still consider the great cost of raising a child to be a big pressure and it will never be enough.

Additionally, for some parents, their lives gradually become deadlocked and, of course, their children receive a lack of love and quality education, just because of their pressure to make an adequate living, or sometimes because of their lack of maturity in life as a result of getting married then giving birth too soon. One of the things that I often see in such families is the somewhat repressive educational culture. However, repressive education often results in two cases: on the one hand, the parents will accidentally raise their children into “industrial chickens”. On the other hand, those children would turn out to be rebellious. Though, trust me, you would not want your children to follow any of those two patterns, would you?

Some people do not want their children to follow in their footsteps, to make the same mistakes in the kids’ future marriage, and only hope they have a more quality life compared to their parents so that they will not have to be working as hard as their parents in the future. Yet instead of choosing to patiently explain, the parents use their allegedly “power” and give out threats, forcing their kids to obey their demands. Unfortunately, the kids are not often fond of that at all, thereby causing disturbances, rowdyism, and continuous arguments in the family, resulting in everyone falling into severe fatigue.

My dear friend, it is always challenging when it comes to those “first attempts”, isn’t it? Trust me, I understand trying to be a parent for the first time is one of the hardest challenges you will ever go through in your life.

I understand that you have a lot of confidants, innermost feelings, and even frustrations when you do not receive enough understanding from your partner, or love and attention from your children.

I understand that you did not intentionally worsen your image in the eyes of your children when looking all “ugly” and “shaggy”.

I understand how suffering it is for you to work overtime for hours, just so your kids do not have to go through penury in their life.

I also understand that there are many nights when you have stayed up all night, observing and worrying whether your child would have a high fever, would be seriously ill, or would even come home later than expected.

I appreciate you – parents who are putting so much effort and trying hard every day to make life better.

But my dear friend,

Even for a moment, if you ever feel too tired, just take a rest!

Pause a little to know that you also needed to be loved and pampered, too.

Pause a little to figure out whether your efforts are being invested in the right or the wrong choices.

Pause a little to understand whether your child truly needs whatever you are offering them.

Just pause for a moment to take a closer and better look at yourself in the mirror! You have already come a long way, so pause a little to recharge yourself.

It is only when you are completed that you can heal your soul, thereby being there and supporting your children.

Happy parents can cultivate happy children. The journey of being a parent is not easy at all, but I truly believe you can be the greatest parents yourself. You only need to do one thing, and that is to be friends with them! When you are “friends”, both will have many opportunities growing up together, sharing love and moments with each other more easily!

Much love,
Truly Inspired