WHY ARE PEOPLE ALWAYS ATTRACTED TO TOXIC RELATIONSHIPS?

Have you ever wondered why children who grew up in violent, unhappy families are more likely to marry someone similar to their father or mother as adults?

Or, have you ever wondered why there are people who fall in love multiple times, yet every partner of theirs would have similar features to those they have decided to break up with, even when those features always include treating them badly?

Then the real question here is, why is that?

Through many working sessions with my coachees, I always find that most of us always long for an uncompetitive, peaceful, non-toxic, and interesting family, love, and work life. However, the number of people who are determined to capture that life is not much, even though their hearts are still heading toward those goals.

For a while, I used to often talk to a long-distance friend about her life.

She usually told me stories about her relationships, how she met her love, and how the past lovers were to her. However, the result of those relationships would always be that she was deceived, in one way or another. Some betrayed her by sneakily having an affair with one of her best friends, some started to want to have excessive control over her after they began officially dating, while others just wanted to spend her money or wanted her to take care of everything, and would not accept if they had to do anything in return.

I used to have the same question when thinking about how many relationships surrounding me, including my friends or acquaintances, can always easily fall into the same situations at any time. However, when becoming a Life Coach, being able to learn and experience those life lessons sent from the universe, receiving many cases from customers and acquaintances, I have found out that there are certain reasons why some people get caught up in toxic relationships.

First of all, those relationships bring up the feeling of familiarity or the “traumas” from your childhood.

The memories and emotions from childhood are always deeply etched into everyone’s heart. If you pay close attention to parents who are well-behaved or well-educated and always love and respect their child’s privacy, when their child grows up, they will always look at life with loving perspectives and sympathy, and will act very kindly towards people around them.

As for children who are always surrounded by the anger, scolding, or violent actions from their parents, over time they will become self-deprecating or even tend to also be violent, short-tempered, and have a lack of control over their speeches, exactly like what they had to endure in their families during childhood.

In general, according to the Universe’s Laws of Attraction, the more you are in contact with certain behaviours or speeches, the more the Universe pushes you into circumstances where you must repeat the same behaviours or speeches you have witnessed in the past. The more easily-irritated you are, the more likely you will be pushed into frustrating, depressing situations that would tend to make you feel even more irritated and aggressive.

Second, those relationships are the results of our emotional dependence.

And just to be more specific, I would use the term “emotion addiction.”

Yes, some people can be very “addicted” to negative emotions. Even after recognising how badly they are being treated, they will never be willing to leave the relationship. They enjoy the feeling of being familiar with their partners, which soon after leads to entrusting their partners with their own emotions in life. When the other person is happy, they are happy; when the other is angry, they immediately feel afraid or feel that they must do something to comfort their partner, even that “something” can result in many detriments.

Fear of loss always exists in their mind, and their financial or emotional dependence on the other person keeps forcing them to live in uncertainties yet always accepts it to be living “in peace.” Moreover, do you think they can be safe? Having to live dependently and even “parasitically” on another person can never be considered as living peacefully. Whatever their partners decide, they must never oppose those decisions, not daring to stand alone on their own due to the fear of being abandoned, of losing something so familiar, or of whatever lies ahead, even if things they have not seen are better than being dependent in the present.

And last, it is due to the lack of self-esteem and the lack of bravery to abandon the relationship.

You always have to pamper a person who is always self-centred.

You always have to endure hurtful and offensive insults from your family members.

You always have to put up with a harsh co-worker, who taunts and imposes on you every single day.

Why is that? It is because you do not have adequate self-respect and enough courage to be ready to leave and live your life.

A person, no matter what gender they are, needs to have a good sense of self-respect and personal principles. When you set a boundary for yourself and do not allow anyone to cross it, you will gain respect, or at least proper acknowledgment from those surrounding you. They will be forced to pay attention to that boundary and limit before they start doing something bad to you.

To build a strong sense of self-esteem, you need heaps of different things, but as for me, financial self-control and emotional self-control are the two greatest weapons that help me with protecting myself and having more confidence and strength in life.

By being financially stable, you will become more conscious to leave a toxic relationship, maybe even leaving a toxic family.

By mastering your emotions, you will never let them get you into dilemmas, and at the same time you can always earn respect from others and stop being drawn to those toxic environments. The reason is that your emotions, your mentality, and your vibrational frequency will be at their highest peaks when you know how to master your emotions, and you will only be attracted by joy, happiness, and peace, not the feeling of suffering, torment, or locking yourself up in a shell when staying next to those toxic people.

In conclusion, a toxic relationship makes your emotions worse, your thoughts more difficult to control, you become more self-conscious, and it prevents you from earning respect from others.

One thing I can be sure of is that you can always avoid those relationships, and it should start with you sending out signals right from within your soul. First, acknowledge the fact that you are having a problem, and that you are stuck in a toxic environment or relationship. Identify why you got caught up in such a relationship., and then seek help from someone you trust and ask for their advice. If the cause has been recognised, try to find a way to deal with it. Have the courage to leave the place that has caused you pain. Have the bravery to seek a new path, transform, and become the best version of yourself.

Nevertheless, do not forget to heal yourself and be there for yourself, too, so that you will not easily be drawn back to toxic environments again.

As a choice, you can also come to us, Truly Inspired. We will always be here, ready to listen to your story, and accompany you in finding the best version of yourself!

Much love,
Truly Inspired