IMPERSONATION AND ITS “VALUE”

– If both of my parents ever did that, I would rather die than have to face anyone around me!

– I am so ashamed of my mother. Why do my friends’ parents, who are also divorced and are no longer friends, can still let each other mind their own business, but my mother has to “impersonate” others to affect my father’s current family? I truly cannot understand what she is doing, and cannot help but feel so ashamed when she does such things!

These are the confessions of two young people living in two different families with different circumstances.

The first one is from one of my friends’ son who has quite a strong personality and is very independent. At once, his mother shared a video of a couple’s jealous fights on social media, the boy watched the video and made comments like what you have seen above. To me, his comments were very thoughtful and unique, but he also mentioned that he would rather choose death than having to face the people around him if his parents ever let something like that happen. I suddenly thought to myself, if this situation happened to weaker and more vulnerable kids than the boy over here, what else would then happen?

The second confession is from a teenager who is a customer of Truly Inspired. The little girl came to see me one late afternoon with the desire to find someone who could listen and help her overcome the problem she was facing.

That was a very special coaching case. I often use my afternoon for such special people because at those moments when the sunset is gradually falling, perhaps it would be easier for us to open up about our feelings and thoughts to others.

When that little girl came and started sharing her story, I felt so sorry for her when I noticed how her voice was full of anger, and her face showed embarrassment and shame when the protagonist of her story was her mother.

The girl said that, during the time after her parent’s divorce, she had heard her mother repeatedly “fabricated” bad stories to tell others about her father. At first, she did not understand the problem nor truly respect her father even though she loved him very much, just because of those bad stories she heard from her mother.

However, after many unusual things happened during the time she started to live alone with her mother, the girl directly witnessed “weird” actions of her mother in public, making them become the main focal point of all the inquisitive, expository, curious eyes of strangers on the street. This had made her truly uncomfortable and embarrassed, and she just wanted to find somewhere to hide herself away.

Another time, she heard her mother still “impersonating” her father’s current wife with a distant acquaintance. At that time, she completely felt that the mother beside her was truly having serious problems. She did not want to be around her mother anymore, since every time things like that happened, she felt like she was being “poisoned” when her mom kept repeating all the bad things about her dad and her stepmother after they started a new family. It was extremely annoying and painful for her to see that everything was not the same as what the mother’s “distorted” stories told. She used to be a person who loved her mom so much, but now she only wanted to avoid her every day passed by, and to run away from those negative feelings.

I quietly sat there, listened to the whole story and did not interrupt even once. I wanted the teenage girl to share everything as comfortably as possible. I wanted her to understand that, at least, there would be a stranger who was willing to sit here and listen to every of her confessions.

When the little girl’s story flow stopped, I held her hand and for a moment, I seemed to recall my story. I am also a stepmother, my husband’s daughter is also a teenager, and I have also experienced a similar situation when another person “impersonates” me at a party who used my role to show up at that party. Fortunately, there were a few people who knew me and called me to report the incident right away. After hearing the story, I could only smile and thank that friend a million times.

You may be wondering why I smiled, right? It is simply because of these two things:

First, I believe in karma. The universe operates in concordance with its laws to return fair compensations to those who deserve it.

Second, I believe that among all the guests at that party, if someone knows about me (like those people who called), they will be fully aware that the other person is an impostor, and they will quickly understand and recognise the problem. No matter how hard people try to “impersonate” me, no matter how hard they attempt to refine or create a perfect cover for themselves, true charisma and knowledge can never be easily copied.

Do you still remember how, back in your childhood, we used to jokingly “impersonate” our parents by forging their signatures on our leave applications?

At that time, the urge of impersonating our parents was initiated from the playful, childish, and carefree thinking that nothing will matter as long as we could skip some classes, despite knowing we may have to endure many scoldings, punishments or detentions from our parents soon after.

However, when “impersonation” is done by an adult – who is already knowledgeable and fully aware of their actions, it will become a different story with unpredictable consequences.

As you can see, the girl in the second story has started to distance herself from her mother and was deeply hurt because she does not know what to do with her mother, who keeps “impersonating” other people and would constantly live in her fabricated lies.

Once again, this story made me feel the urge to “speak up”.

For me, no matter whatever happens between people, everyone must always consider their actions carefully. They must always be attentive and careful to every word, attitude, and behaviour that can potentially affect others and their children, especially when the children are in their teenage years – the period when their mind is not stable, understanding, and wise enough to accept the mental pain caused by their parents’ “impersonation”.

We adults often think that children do not know anything. Conversely, in fact, in today’s world, children “know and understand everything better that we can imagine.”

Not to mention that if kids encounter people who like to discriminate, tease and denigrate other people’s backgrounds, how will they cope with this surrounding environment? Or how would they deal with people who always look at them with pity, just because they know about their family’s situation? Can you imagine how much fear, disgust, and suffering the poor children have to feel afterwards?

With the portrait and mindset of an “impersonator”, perhaps the mother’s ego in the story above was fully satisfied. She could cause negative impacts on her ex-husband’s new wife due to her “impersonation”, but she certainly would not be able to become the person she was faking all along. Even worse, sometimes “impersonation” also causes terrible consequences or unexpected “side effects”, and in this situation, the side effect was put directly on her daughter, causing the little girl to be lonely and hurt so bad to the point she had to find a stranger like me to be able to speak out her thoughts and feelings.

My dear friend,

The values ​​we cultivate every day will always affect the people around us, especially affecting the bond between parents and children. If you want your child to live a happy, fulfilled, peaceful and successful life in the future, you must create and bring those values to them as soon as possible.

Do not “sow” negative “causes” to the world around you. You will always have the opportunity to perfect the “effects” by fixing the “causes” first. Your children will always be able to enjoy the “sweet effects” and continue to “sow” good “causes”  through the way we treat and educate them every day.

“Do not wait to witness karma to believe in it.” There are things that no matter how hard you try to “impersonate”, it will never produce good results, as it is not something that truly belongs to you. Let only realistic, treasurable values ​​and honesty surround your and your loving child’s life. Stop letting your kids get lost in the only world they can live in.

Much love,
Truly Inspired