How to not let your child feel lonely on their journey entering adulthood

• • You never understand anything about me. You just want me to do the things you want!
  • How come we cannot understand you? Mommy and daddy just want the best for you.
  • But I don’t even like or need those things! Do you understand that?

  From the time that I accidentally witnessed this specific conversation in the family of an acquaintance, I started to somehow see a common problem that many parents are facing nowadays, which is not truly listening to their child to understand their own needs. But young people in puberty, with many changes in psychophysiology, are very sensitive and often have a tendency to revolt everything we tell them. Therefore, in order for children to pass this age, parents need to spend time caring, educating and accompanying their children.

  Physiological changes that are common during puberty

  Entering the “rebellious” age, the child’s psycho-physiological characteristics change a lot. Children may be curious and excited but may also feel strange, self-deprecating, and want to hide from so many different things. Not many young people at this age. If you choose to share your problems with your parents, you will often confide in friends who are also going through similar changes, or will do your own research on the Internet.

  Growth hormones and sex hormones during these years can affect the child’s height, weight, and secondary sexual characteristics in both sexes. The growth in physique, the face is easily visible. The child will start to have acne, grow some beard if they are a boy or experience increased breast size if they are a girl. However, these changes usually do not affect the child’s psyche too much. Teenagers often feel anxious about changes related to the genitals. Such as hair growth in the sensitive area, the first appearance of menstruation, the development of the size of the genital organs in men.

  At the same time, teenagers tend to want to rebel, often disagree with their parents because they feel they are not understood by adults. Children care more about their body image, desire to make independent decisions, be influenced by the friendships they come into contact with, and have a marked change in perception.

  Parents need to pay attention to the psychological and physiological changes of their children to explain to them that these are normal signs when the child is gradually becoming an adult. At the same time, they can promptly help when they need someone to share, guide and support.

  What should parents do to help their child go through puberty?

  For example, from the time a baby is a newborn until the age of 5, a child needs parents to take care of each meal and sleep; From the age of 5-10, children need the close guidance of their parents to gradually step into real life and start forming self-care habits. From 12 years old and up, this is a very important and sensitive period for children. Because at this time, some babies are starting to enter puberty. Children need the companionship of parents to prepare mentally and equip them with the necessary knowledge. If not cared for, children will feel lonely, increasingly alienated from parents and worse, have distorted thoughts and actions due to curiosity or lack of understanding.

  According to WHO’s Adolescent pregnancy report for September 2022, an estimated 21 million girls aged 15-19 years in developing countries become pregnant each year, and about 12 million of whom have given birth.

  These numbers reflect the heartbreaking reality of children not receiving adequate physical and sexual education. Therefore, the children do not know how to protect themselves and prevent pregnancy safely. This also explains why abortion still exists among adolescents. Especially in developing or underdeveloped countries.

  Parents need to be equipped with knowledge about puberty and apply it with an open mind

  In order to accompany their children through puberty, parents first need to equip themselves with the necessary knowledge. Moreover, adults also need to regularly pay attention to the changes of their children. And of course, you should keep an open mind so that you can talk with your child about sensitive issues of their age. Observe, listen and guide your child. Do not ignore, judge or force your child to do something according to your parents’ wishes. Respect for your child is extremely important. Try to be both a parent and a friend to your child. This way, children will be more comfortable in sharing their problems with their parents.

  Do you remember before we became adults, we were all children who also went through puberty and then became parents?

  I remember how nervous I was the first time I “falled off” (menstrual cycle). Although menstruation was known through the subject at school, at that time, the adults in the family were often afraid to talk about physiological issues. I had to struggle during my first period because I didn’t know enough.

  However, thanks to having understood deeply enough about puberty, as soon as my daughter entered this age, I explained to her that menstruation is a normal phenomenon that helps her perfect the body. Phenomena such as abdominal pain, acne, discharge, itching of the genitals or hot flashes, love to eat sweets are not serious problems. You don’t need to be surprised or embarrassed when they appear.

  I often share with her about my experiences when it comes to periods, to let her understand that the symptoms of menstruation are normal. I will also give her advice, remind her to keep her private area clean and when needed, she can use pain relievers to reduce discomfort in the abdomen.

  Parents will find it difficult to help their child if they do not understand the characteristics of their age and the problems their children are facing. So make sure you have enough knowledge about puberty to accompany your child.

Build a strong bond and connection that enables every family member to share their stories and problems

Frequent sharing has become a part of our family culture. This is also a way to connect the relationship between everyone in the house, and to help make us parents and our child to become closer like friends. In the house, there seems to be no distance between us and our child as we often have conversations involving all three of us. I want my daughter to understand that both of her parents can always listen to and understand her, and she does not have to choose between either me or her father, as both of us can be the friends that she can always trust and confide in. I found that when she talks with her father, she will somehow be reinforced with clearer thoughts and feelings about friends of the opposite sex in class, especially when she is already at puberty.

I realize that family culture is very important in shaping an individual’s thinking and way of life. Children who are accompanied by their parents are always more confident. Therefore, we always maintain the connection between family members, through daily activities. Maybe talking together over a meal or while going for a walk. It can also be a short talk before bedtime. We try to be friends with them, listen and talk to them about their problems. We have all been through that phase anyway, so we understand the problems that kids are facing during puberty.

During puberty, girls or boys are equally likely to develop deviant thoughts and actions. The reason is also due to the growing curiosity about gender. When your baby grows hair and begins to change his body, there will also be sexual desires. At this stage, parents need attention and timely advice. Parents should let their children know that these symptoms are completely normal at their child’s age. Moreover, it is also necessary to teach children to understand their own body, so that they do not affect their genitals because of sexual curiosity, as well as let them know what is safe sex.

Many of you, when entering puberty, often look to books or watch adult movies. Partly out of curiosity, partly to solve physiological needs. To avoid this situation, parents can completely actively talk to their children. When you have a better understanding of your body, you will no longer need to search for “unhealthy” books and movies anymore.

Parents need to respect their child’s sexual identity

Many parents attach too much importance to the fact that their children must live in accordance with their natural gender. Regardless, it can be exhausting and hurtful.

Luckily, society today has become more open and respectful towards the LGBT community. This also implies that parents should not judge nor deny their child’s sexual orientation, and even if their child identifies themselves as part of the community, parents should still accompany and assist them on this long journey. During this age, the child can be easily teased by friends and outsiders, or can easily fall into a state of alienation from everyone around them just because they do not “see” themselves as other “normal” people. If both parents do not respect the gender that the child wants, then the child will feel bad. Parents also need to explain to their child that LGBT is a normal sexual orientation. What parents always want is for their children to be healthy and happy with their own choices.

I always remember the story in the movie The Danish Girl. The happy face of painter Einar Wegener when wearing a beautiful dress, or the shy look when he transforms into Lili Elbe to date the boy of his dreams.

It was from that moment that I understood how important it is for a person to live their life in the way they want it to be. I also believe that the support of parents will give the strongest strength and confidence to their child. Like how his wife Gerda Wegener has always accompanied Einar, even if it cost her the loss of a “husband”.

Children should open up about their concerns with parents more in order to get on-time support

The parent-child relationship is a two-way relationship. Entering puberty, not only parents need to take care of their children, but children themselves also need to actively share their problems with their parents.

Psychologically, children often feel distant from their parents during puberty. Children are easily embarrassed and often do not dare or do not want to tell their parents about their problems, but that is not the right thing to do. Children can completely trust their parents, let them know what they are asking or needing support. You have the right to ask your parents what you don’t know. Parents will always be willing to help their children.

If you see your body changing and it worries you. If your child is curious about the strange development of sensitive organs. If you want to know about safe sex. If you find yourself wishing to be a different gender than you are now… You can tell your parents because they are your parents. Parents are always there to support their children in life.

Parents, when you hear these requests from your child, return immediately to the solutions given above. Do not ever ignore your child, especially at moments that they need your support the most.

Puberty is an important stage in an individual’s growth. However, many young people do not receive the attention or companionship of their parents at this time. That can make you feel lonely, self-deprecating, different, pitiful; may even push your child to another “sexual world” – where they may misbehave with their own gender and others. To avoid this situation, parents should always accompany their children, support and guide them so that they can have a healthy adolescence, be fully equipped with necessary knowledge to enter their adulthood confidently and naturally.

Much love,
Truly Inspired