A WOMAN’S WEAPON

“Why do you like her? – Because she is younger, prettier than me? Or is it because she loves you and knows how to take care of you better?

“No! Because she is gentler with me than you!”

I paused after hearing that 10-second conversation. It was not because the dialogue is about an affair or a third person, but it was because of the man’s answer in that video – “Because she is gentler with me than you.”

A seemingly simple answer, but could severely damage the girl’s heart terribly. The girl in the video was stunned, her innocent eyes suddenly filled with pain. Her tears fell without having to close her eyes, frown or even slightly blink. I thought I could hear the “breaking” sound of her heart…

 “Because she is gentler with me than you” – What would you think after hearing this sentence?

I can feel sadness welling up inside of her. Why? Did the man immediately fall in love with her rough, rude, and stony personality when they first met? I am sure the day they met for the first time, the girl was very pretty and lovely. However, after a while of living in the same house, after many years together, what the woman received in return was such a hurtful sentence. It is unfair, is it not? I always believed that there is not any woman in the world who would want to be the grumpy, rude, and stony version of herself when being near the person she loves and loves her. There will not be any third person who can step into a relationship that is already good and fulfilled!

I also know that most of us like beauty, charm, and magnificence. However, not 100% of people are the same. Back in the days when I was a child or even when I was married like now, I sometimes wondered, “Why do some husbands have such strange tastes in women? Why do they already have such a lovely wife, but still choose to leave the relationship to date a less beautiful woman?”

However, after experiencing hundreds of conversations with customers, or confiding, listening to real sharings from those who came to me, both men and women, I gradually realized: only beauty is never enough for a woman!

I admit that the appearance of a girl will always attract and create certain impressions for their partner, especially for men. However, it is not the most influential “weapon”. To build up a long-term relationship, it is the inner personality that truly matters, that helps connect two people. The strength of a relationship depends on the ability to understand and communicate between two people, not only appearances because every beauty will eventually fade over time.

I have seen divorces happen in families where the wife is no longer beautiful, yet besides that, many marriages were broken up with the husband’s mistress being less attractive, or less talented than the wife. Then why did the man still choose her over his first wife after those many years?

There are many reasons, but from my perspective, except for men who are lady-killers, most broken marriages are because both people in the relationship no longer share the same mindset. Especially, when the wife in her husband’s eyes is always a “scary person”, a “tiger”, a “lion”, or even a “formidable witch”.

These images are a bit ferocious and hideous, but it is the image that hundreds of families, and hundreds of marriages out there are having in mind about the wife. Before marriage, the girls were all cute and pretty “kitties”, yet after marriage, suddenly the woman became a fierce and hot-tempered “tiger”. Of course, I know that not every girl will be like that, and I believe that if given the choice, no one would want to be that worst version of themselves.

Master Thich Nhat Hanh used to share that “A woman’s weapon is her gentleness, softness, and positivity. When this is lost, there will be no more happiness and no ability to bring happiness to anyone.”

50% of our world is women, the weak ones, the other half are men, the strong ones. The gender characteristics have already been determined in nature that a woman is born, not with the strength and beauty of muscles like a man, but with femininity – gentleness, mellowness, and vivaciousness. Therefore, if a woman becomes “masculine”, her natural beauties given initially will be lost, which leads to her life not being as desired because the balance between the two genders no longer exists.

However, how to continue to be gentle and mellow when the person you choose to marry, your life–partner is not truly your “right person”?

From my perspective: Women have all the right to decide what kind of person they will become.

If someone can change you for the better, becoming more beautiful, sweeter, and more vivacious, get ready to change so you can live happily. If you are changing but in a more negative direction, becoming unhappy and no longer feeling that positive vibe, that change is not worth it. Think carefully and bravely choose to step away from that relationship.

Us – beautiful flowers often fall into the trap set by ourselves. You always dream of an ideal husband, yet would already be content and compromise with the total opposite choices. You fantasize about a man who is polite, caring, loving and knows how to spoil you, yet you never allow your spouse to fulfill those desires of yours in the right way.

You demand instead of offering and open-heartedly suggesting. 

You expect others to fulfill your needs, instead of doing them favors first.

You want to control and want the other person to change, but you would not do anything to change the current situation.

That is it!!

Our human nature is very difficult to change, but it will be affected based on the environment we are exposed to every day.

I will use myself as a direct example for this advice.

At work and in the eyes of colleagues, I am the embodiment of a “powerful woman” with a decisive, strong, and agile personality. However, when coming home to my family, my husband, I turn myself into a “kitten”. In each role, I will promote different responsibilities, abilities, and personalities. In my family, I often use my “female privilege”. That is a woman’s softness, and mellowness but also very distinct and always in moderation when dealing with my husband.

I respect my life partner so that he can properly promote his role as a husband and father. I always let my husband “have an excuse” to take care of me with small things like helping me apply lotion after every shower, helping me zip up my skirt, arranging pillows correctly for me when I go to sleep, and especially, we would often say loving words to each other.

After a hard-working day, what a man needs is the gentleness and mellowness of a woman. Moreover, women will need the man’s listening and understanding. Although sometimes conversations may not help each other solve problems,  free minds, and loving actions will help relieve the stress and pressure from society. That way, everyone can start a new day with better energy after waking up every morning!

I know that everyone’s life and circumstances are different. However, I believe that each of us has the right to decide whether life is happy or sad with our wisdom. Especially women, nature has given us such a special weapon – using our gentleness to deal with this world, why should we abandon it, right?

Just believe that no matter how harsh and difficult the world is, you will always deserve the best. With your mellowness and positivity, in the end, your life will be filled with sweetness and joy!

Much love,
Truly Inspired