LEADING YOUR “EGO” WITH MINDFULNESS

Have you ever found yourself in a situation like this?
You expect others to listen to your ideas, but they keep doing things according to their own will and make you feel extremely disappointed.
You ask others to solve the problems in such ways that you think is the most suitable, but they end up doing it the way they think is right, and you feel frustrated.

Or vice versa,
You hate the feeling of being ordered and obligated by someone.
You do not like being dictated or oppressed.
You want to be comfortable being yourself, doing what you like, and defending your views and opinions. But at the same time, you do not want to follow what others suggest, or sometimes you try to listen out of respect but honestly find it difficult to accept.

I believe that people would somehow encounter such situations like these at least once in their life. But have you ever asked yourself what the things that cause us to experience those feelings are?
They are the self-esteem and “ego” deep inside each of us.

I know that no matter how gentle, innocent and forgiving a person is, they will always have a sense of “ego” inside them. That ego exists perfectly alongside their physical body at all times, it is just that whether that person wants to display it out or hide it away.

The existence of one’s “ego” is a natural sense, as it helps us become more “outstanding” and “unique” in our surroundings. It also guides us to become a brighter and better version of ourselves through achieving higher life standards and leaving more positive impressions in people’s minds. However, if that ego is not controlled and used correctly, it can cause severe damage to the person and their loved ones. A fully matured person is someone who is willing to lower their ego to carefully, and wholeheartedly, listen to someone else’s story, and is someone who knows when and when not to show their ego.

I have come across people in my life whose life, relationships, career or even future have been drastically ruined just because they misused and expressed their ego in rather unsuitable ways. They thought that what they were doing could turn them into powerful, armoured knights, but in reality they were just paper knight figurines. And because they were “made” of paper, they were more likely to be burned and destroyed by others, as well as be damped and wrecked by a sudden force.

Then how could we keep ourselves away from those ego traps? Perhaps there is only one way, and that is by practising mindfulness everyday.

If you remember, I have once published an article on Truly Inspired called “Be the boss of your own broadcasting company”, and it also discusses living and practising mindfulness in our daily life. However, that is just a very small surface scratch on the topic of self-control and mindfulness, and in today’s article, I want to introduce you to three more “tools” to help you “lead your ego” more wisefully: Understanding – Acquisition – Cultivation.

If you want to lead your “ego”, you have to understand that ego.
If you want to cultivate your “ego”, you have to learn to acquire and accept it.
If you want others to follow your “ego”, you have to cultivate it correctly.

And how can you understand your own ego?
Understanding comes from being able to know clearly the advantages and disadvantages of your “ego”.
Like I have mentioned earlier, the biggest advantage of one’s ego is that it always gives us the opportunity to be ourselves and to believe that each person is a special and one-and-only version in life. We all have our own colour and identity, and even if you have twins, it is impossible to be 100% alike.

On the other hand, an ego’s weakness comes from the fact that it makes people fall into the trap of seeing ourselves as the centre of the universe, and makes us see everyone around as just to “serve” all of our own desires and preferences. The ego that is not properly developed can also cause many burdens and loneliness to ourselves.

For example, if you are a person who loves power, or if you are someone who has lived in a “power-heavy” environment for too long, you will often have a tendency to “oppress” or want to be more powerful than those around you. The manifestation of this trait is most evident in family activities, or when working in groups, shown through how you often use words or actions to command others to follow you. You often tend to dismiss those who attempt to express their own opinions, or just listen briefly and still “direct” the other party to follow your suggestions.

With this personality, it will be quite difficult for you to collaborate and work effectively with your team, as well as to earn respect from people around. Perhaps those people only follow what you say because they are too disgusted by the selfish orders from you, or finish the job carelessly only because they are your subordinates.

Conversely, a person who has the same ego “traits” but also understands mindfulness will act differently. They will pay attention to notice whenever their ego arouses the desire to “command” others, and they will immediately find the best option to cope with the situation, either to remain silent or to lower their tone with the opposite person.

The important thing here is that you understand how your ego works, and in which case the ego will become negative or positive. Once you have fully understood yourself and your ego, it will be easier for you to handle different situations and how you would face it.

And how to acquire your ego?

In order to be able to lead your ego, besides having to fully understand how it works, you also need to learn how to acquire and accept it. The reason why I include this is because I have noticed how a lot of people are yet to accept their own personality and ego inside them.

For example, a person with a large ego, is hot-tempered, and gets easily annoyed with others will always make people around them feel uncomfortable about their ego. However, most of the time, they themselves do not want that to happen at all, and maybe they even hate being like that. They want themselves to become soft, understanding, flexible and intelligent in communication. However, every time something happens, they fail to control their ego and make it work as they expected because they still keep on behaving the same way they would “naturally” do, not the way they hope they would change into. And because of it, they refuse to accept their own self, and want to leave and abandon the ego that they have inside them.  

However, my dear friend, the more a person tries to resist or to get rid of a certain trait that has been a part of them, the more the trait emerges and becomes more active. This happens because they themselves do not know how to accept their own shortcomings and find better solutions for them.   

Instead, it would be better if you accept the fact that you have a big “ego” that is not capable of pleasing everyone, and only until then you can adjust and become a different version of yourself. It is never a good idea to just grab the good things but completely forget about the not-yet-good things. If you do not try to empty a bucket full of dirty water, even if it takes a good amount of time, then how can you fill it again with clean water, am I right?

And last but not least, how can we cultivate our ego?

To cultivate means to grow, to take care of, and to give rooms for something or someone so that they can turn into something better and more beautiful. The word “cultivate” is often used for a plant, an animal or a human, but in this case, I want to use it to talk about the growth and development of our ego.

Have you ever heard the saying “Human nature is good in nature”? This proverb means that every person is born with the seed of goodness. Over the years, the environment and the society you come into contact with will contribute to creating and nurturing that seed to grow in a certain way. Our perception of ego is also developed and formed in the same way.

When your ego is over-indulged, it is easy for the ego to become too arrogant and self-centred, and you are easily at odds with everyone and annoyed by everything around you, no matter how small or trivial the problem is.
When your ego is neglected or not cared for, you will tend to become a weak person who cannot stand on firm grounds and easily falls into the trap of not being able to decide your own life and future.

Nevertheless, when your ego is properly nurtured and properly cared for by yourself, you will find it very easy to get along with everyone around you, to gain respect and love and to achieve more success in any field. Not only that, you will also have a rich, pleasant and comfortable inner life no matter who you are working and communicating with.

Nurturing the ego only begins after you fully start to understand and accept it as it is, without trying to beautify or criticise yourself. Then, try to look directly into the core of the matter and try to communicate with it. Take time to “self-reflect” more on all the things and events happening around you at the very moment.

Another good idea is to practise thinking “Is it good for me to say/do this? Would it hurt other people?” before doing something, as it will help you with preventing your ego from accidentally “rebelling”.

However, be careful not to confuse the two things below!
Keeping a mindful ego is not about you having to constantly suffer and pretend to be patient in front of others, but about understanding why you need to maintain mindfulness.
When you are able to distinguish these two things, it means that you are on the first steps towards self-leadership with mindfulness.

When you feel like your ego is rising, you would clearly see it rising. When the ego comes out, you can witness it in the form of anger, arrogance, superiority, criticism, contempt, and so many more. And only after some mindful recognition and consideration will you be able to control and “conquer” that ego masterfully. Not letting yourself get led by it is a great indication that you are on the right track in leading yourself and leading your ego.

It may sound simple but practising self-leadership is a process that requires a lot of “hard training”, and just like anything else, once you have undergone enough training and have overcome enough challenges, everything will become easier for you. The more you properly nurture and cultivate your ego, the more effortless it will be for you to win people’s hearts. Just keep in mind that there will always be people who trust, love and follow you, no matter what path you take or whoever you are.

And whenever you find it difficult on this self-discovery journey and feel like you cannot do this alone, remember that Truly Inspired is always here by your side and is always ready to support and accompany you all the time!

Much love,
Truly Inspired