THE LONGEST LIFE INVESTMENT

I still remember that one special day, where it was a late afternoon when I had just finished all the remaining work of the day in time to welcome a rather “special” customer who was nearly eighty years old. He visited my place in a well-groomed suit, a very confident and noble poise, and the appearance of a highly experienced businessman who has had many years “swimming” in the “ocean” of business trade markets.

Do you know why I call this customer “special”? It is not because of his suit, nor is it because of his outstanding charisma, but it is because through only the very first questions, I could already tell that this would be a very challenging coaching session, both for me and for him. Not only did this customer bring to me the energy and demeanour of a business owner who was logical, wise, prestigious, responsible, and even greatly confident, but he also gave me the impression of someone who had both a strong ego and personality that would strongly protect (and defend if needed) any views and questions that he wished to be fulfilled.

During coaching sessions with older clients, I not only want to help them solve their own problems, but after those coaching hours, I also want to help them heal the open wounds deep inside their soul, whether or not they know about the existence of those wounds. So, as soon as I heard the story and concerns of this special customer, I suddenly felt very sorry for the difficult situation that he had to go through. However, as I said at the beginning, this was a man of many decades of experiences and resilience, so I had to resort to pretty “tough” measures to really be able to let down his guards.

The main problem that this customer raised is also the problem that I think many families and couples, whether young or have lived together for more than half of their lives, can still encounter at some point on their journey, and that is family finances and marital connection.

He said he was currently having a large debt, and that debt value would be equivalent to more than half the value of the house that he and his wife lived in. Since both of them had no children and his ability to work to pay off his debt was no longer the same as when he was young, he was then looking for a way to pay that debt with his own house. He said he was thinking of selling the house to the creditor, who was also a longtime friend of his, and asked them to transfer the excess money of the house to his wife so that she can take care of herself after he died. I think regarding this financial aspect, it would be better if I only share this much and focus on the other more important aspect of the story.

The real problem here is, his wife was totally unaware of the actual amount of the debt. For nearly 50 years in their marriage, in her eyes, the man has always been a successful man who pampered his wife to the fullest. Both of them had a fairly open lifestyle and their spending needs in life were not low. However, the man’s “burden” was about to become unbearable when he just discovered that he had a few more diseases in his body that he did not know before, and because he feared leaving his wife alone if he unfortunately passed away first, but also did not want her to know and be worried about that debt, so he came to me hoping that we could come up with a “reasonable” and suitable solution.

Nevertheless, with the perspective of a wife and also a professional Life Coach, I had to tell him that I did not agree with what he planned to do. At the end of the coaching session that day, I felt really happy, but that joy did not come from the fact that I have “won” over a person as highly experienced and intelligent as him, but that was the joy of a Coach who knew they had succeeded in helping their customer realise the right problems, as well as helping him come up with a reasonable solution to remove all the troubles and concerns in his heart in the past time. I remember I felt so light-weight and relieved, and I hoped he also felt similar.

My dear friend, did you recognise any issues after reading about this case? In my opinion, each of us will have a different viewpoint, and we can all have in our minds different opinions and concerns regarding this man’s story. However, I would like to share some of my speculations so that you can understand this issue better: 

First, your assertiveness, wisdom and success in the marketplace do not mean that you will have a satisfactory married life.

You can successfully persuade and negotiate with hundreds of partners to sign a contract with your company but at the same time fail to come up with reasonable “contracts” and agreements with your life partner.

And as in the story above, my customer was a successful person in business, but could not come with his wife to negotiate about the common property of the couple when there was a debt problem. He wanted to shoulder everything, partly he did not want his wife to worry and think too much, while the other part was because he did not want to harm his ego and “honour” as he had promised to repay his friend, and deep inside, as he also wanted to be a husband who could protect and take care of his wife like a real man no matter what.

However, would it still be possible that after he passed away, his wife could really feel what he wanted his wife to feel? At that time, in addition to the pain of losing the person she loved so much, she would probably suffer another attack from another pain, and maybe that pain would be doubled when she knew that she had been deceived by the person she loved the most for many years. Moreover, the solution that man offered did not completely guarantee that his wife would have a good and decent enough life after his death.

We cannot call it a success when we fail to make any agreements with even our family members – the people who love and care for us the most.

Second, your marriage life is a huge “investment” and “business enterprise” that you have to plan out ahead carefully, including all your “backup plans”.

Everything in life will have its downside and right side, even the worrying and overthinking nature of women sometimes can also become useful. If in the marketplace, you always have to think about plan A, plan B, a short-term or long-term strategy to bring a business campaign to success, then the intuitive foresight and overthinking of women can also be a useful “tool” in many cases that can help their men overcome “difficult obstacles” in building a business and many social relationships.

The customer in my story was also the one who was “afraid” of women’s foresight, overthinking, and exaggeration, because he claimed that his wife also had those characteristics, explaining why he did not want his wife to know the truth about the debt and how he planned to pay the debt. After fully understanding the problem and what he needed to do, he asked me how to get back to dealing with the debt payment with his friend.

I immediately questioned him, “Do you still remember what you have told me about your wife earlier, especially about her tendency to think too much, worry too much and overdo everything? Do you think this will be a solution that you can consider to solve the problem with your friend?”

At this exact moment, he looked straight into my eyes as if he had finally realised something, and he smiled wide with satisfaction as he had found the way to get rid of the burden that had weighed heavily on his shoulders for so long. The man and I looked at each other in silence, smiled and felt extremely relieved.

You see, at last, all the traits that the man initially thought as the “flaws” in his wife’s personality turned out to be the “optimised” solution that could help him overcome his own weaknesses. And this is a message for all the great men out there that now is the time for you to think more positively about the worrying and overthinking nature of your women!

And last but not least, the connection between the husband and wife is a deeply crucial factor.

In the story above, even if both of them decided to keep living together in peace, it would still only be the tip of the iceberg that everyone would see, because deep down under, the man has long failed to connect with his partner in life. And that was why he had to seek help from the outside, including consulting me, to get rid of the burden on his shoulders and find the best solution to his problem.

However, if he had not decided to reach out to anyone about his problems, maybe the story would have gone in a totally different direction. It would be highly likely that its consequences would become very unpredictable, and it is also possible that the person he loved the most would be the receiver of all the pain and misery at the end of the story, which would then be completely against his genuine wishes for his wife.

My dear friend,

Each of us can have a lot of different relationships out there, from our acquaintances, our best friends, our drinking buddies, our old classmates, to even our longtime friends, but all can never be equal to the relationship between us and our life partner.

A partner for life is not only the first person you come for cuddles and reassurance, but is also a companion who will accompany us through all our ups and downs in life, and someone who will always be there for us in good health as well as in sickness, in times of happiness and joy as well as in times of sorrow and lamentation. Therefore, we need to take this relationship very seriously – always remember to respect, love and keep a long-term connection with each other, so that the only thing waiting for both of you at the end of the journey is a long-lasting and truly happy marriage.

Remember, before you want to become a successful person in society or in any field, you should first succeed in even your smallest role in your own family!

Much love,
Truly Inspired