MOTHER, YOU ARE THE WISDOM OF MY LIFE

Today was an ordinary day much like any other, but do you know what? I have just received a truly exceptional “gift.” It is so special that it did not just bring happiness, but also a flood of emotional sensations within me, down to each and every cell. The bearer of this gift is none other than my beloved daughter!

This is not a tangible, expensive gift to touch or hold, but my dear friend, this gift is among the most precious things I have ever received from my daughter over these past years. I will slowly share upon this special thing further in this article, so you can experience the joy alongside me!

Long story short, today while my little daughter was helping me with cleaning and cooking, she also took the opportunity to share a small story that happened at her school with me. My daughter and I often have heart-to-heart talks and share during times like these, while we are working together on chores around the house.

The story that my daughter shared with me pertains to issues of discrimination in school. Despite living in a civilised country, there have been instances of violence and school-related prejudices that continue to occur among young students. However, the story my daughter recounted today was about a teacher engaging in discriminatory behaviour towards students.

My daughter revealed that her teacher had acted condescendingly towards her classmates.

Upon hearing this, I immediately asked my daughter, “Is it possible that you and your classmates did something that the teacher didn’t like or misunderstood?” She replied, “No, Mom. The teacher is always like that with most of the students in the class. She’s very friendly with the students she likes, but if she doesn’t like someone, she immediately starts to treat them poorly. She often wears a displeased expression or displays a condescending and discriminatory attitude towards those students.”

I am well aware that discrimination in schools is not an uncommon occurrence among students. However, when it comes to teachers behaving in such a manner towards students, it is truly unacceptable. At that time, I asked if she wanted me to help resolve the situation, but she declined, and then shared the ways she would handle it on her own to protect herself, depending on the extent of the teacher’s bias. If things were to escalate or get out of hand, she would then find a way to report it to the school.

I felt a mix of compassion and pride upon hearing her “calculations” on how to defend herself against ill-treatment. It is because back in the day, despite her mischievous nature, my daughter was quite shy and had no idea how to handle problems if something was not right.

Her words genuinely touched me, my dear friend! The reason for my overwhelming emotion is that this is not the first time she has faced discrimination, yet this time, she independently devised a plan to address it and safeguard herself while still maintaining her integrity, as well as analysed the seriousness of the situation to determine the appropriate course of action.

I remember a time when I took my girl to the Melbourne art museum for a visit. It is a place of elegance, seriousness, and manners; however, when we arrived there, she was subjected to discrimination by one of the museum guards – a woman. At that moment, I addressed the issue with the guard quite seriously, despite not being one to normally engage in arguments even when I am being wrongly criticised. Nonetheless, considering that such discriminatory behaviour could potentially impact my daughter’s mindset in the future, I decided to speak up. Before dealing with the guard, I turned to my child and said, “Look at how Mom handled this today. Remember what I did to protect you. Apply it if you encounter similar situations in the future, my girl!”

I politely requested to speak to a manager and eventually had a discussion with three Supervisors to resolve the issue. If it were just about me, I might not have escalated the situation to this extent as I might have ignored and brushed it off; however, I believe that when it comes to children, it is crucial to clarify such matters to prevent any psychological impact on them in the long run. Furthermore, adults discriminating against a child is just simply wrong in all sense.

Hence, after hearing my daughter share how she dealt with discrimination from a teacher, I genuinely felt that this time, my child has matured and learned how to protect themselves, just as I had hoped for before.

It truly pains me when I see my child having to stumble or face discrimination brought up by others, but what she said today while we were cooking together filled me with immense joy and emotion!

This story she shared today feels like a serendipitous moment for me, like an eruption of emotions that burst forth from within, allowing me to express myself more powerfully, and this sentiment gave me the greater opportunity to delve deeper into a topic I hold dear – that of parent-child relationships.

After dinner, I went to take a shower and, while browsing social media to catch up on the day, I stumbled upon a beautiful song that spoke of a child’s love for their mother. The melody and heartfelt lyrics seemed orchestrated, intensifying the welling emotions within me. The song resonated deeply with me. With its emotionally rich lyrics, it gradually transported me back to a few hours earlier, when my daughter and I were cooking and dining together…

I realised that through my daughter’s acquired problem-solving skills which are learned from me, I am again reminded of my mother. In this special time, during the season of Vu Lan, a significant festival in Buddhism that serves as a reminder to the younger generation of the nurturing, upbringing, and fulfilment of filial piety towards parents, grandparents, and ancestors, my thoughts are deeply stirred. Nowadays, Vu Lan has transcended being solely a Buddhist holiday, seemingly evolving into a “Season of Filial Piety” for Vietnamese families.

All the information and signals I have received today seem to form a connection, as all of them remind me of something very endearing about my mother. If in my previous article that I wrote about my father, I have highlighted my mother as a business-oriented, strong, and decisive woman, then for this time, I will introduce you to the portrait of my beloved and respected mother along with the significant lesson I learned from her: never use informal pronouns with my father, always address him gently using age-suitable pronouns and honorifics, as well as with a sense of moderation and respect.

My mother taught me the significance of being a domestic caretaker, exemplifying virtue through actions, and even in her business pursuits, she contributed to shaping who I am today. She taught me that to succeed in business, I must truly understand the craft so that I can manage and handle uncertainties that may arise. My mother consistently emphasised the concept of “cong-dung-ngon-hanh” (virtuous deeds – virtuous speech – virtuous mind – virtuous appearance) for women. “Cong-dung-ngon-hanh” is a characteristic trait in East Asia, where virtually every mother desires these four virtues for her daughter. This means being a woman does not just entail excelling in societal roles, such as in the workplace, but also caring for the family, attending to domestic matters, and nurturing oneself.

Today, this viewpoint no longer applies to most women, as we have numerous ways to continually improve our lives without necessarily having to excel in both homemaking and societal roles. Nonetheless, if a balance can be achieved, it is still the ideal.

Thanks to my mother’s somewhat “traditional” teachings, I am now receiving a great deal of love from my husband and child. No matter who I am outside, or how busy life gets, I always find time to care for my child and husband. Even when my child enters the rebellious teenage years, like many other adolescents, or when there are differences of opinion with my husband, I still strive to fulfil my role with my best. I made the decision to reduce my income by 50% to invest more time with my daughter and husband. That is why my daughter loves me so much, even though I am just a stepmother in her life.

I remember in the past, even amidst her busy schedule, my mother would still quietly keep old clothes and my childhood pictures, praying for me every day while she still could. When my father passed away, my mother bore the burden of raising my five siblings and me on her own, foregoing her own pursuit of happiness. That loyalty and unwavering commitment, the very lessons my mother taught us, are indeed admirable, am I right?

Observing those around me, I have always noticed some parents who love their children in ways that are not always right. Despite their deep affection, they inadvertently hurt their children with excessive strictness and scolding. I, too, have been in that situation before. However, to this day, my mother remains someone I am grateful for and cherish, due to her sacrifices, guidance, and the lasting impact she has had on my life.

This Vu Lan month, once again, I am truly grateful for having my mother in my life. What is more significant is that she is still here, enabling me to care for her, showering her with the love I can offer!

Without my mother, I would never be who I am today. I would not know how to strike a balance between work and family care. If my mother had not been firm and set boundaries, I would not have had a foundation to develop and live a meaningful life with this existence.

At this point, the song I was listening to in the background echoes in my ears:
“Mother, you give me precious love
You are the wisdom of my life…”

Indeed, our mothers are the “wisdom” of our lives. The presence of a mother, her care, provides us with multifaceted lenses through which we see life and learn how to live better for ourselves!

I am also grateful that my daughter is growing up even when she is currently at that age full of mischief, sensitivity, and instability!

Allow me to borrow the teachings in the poem below as a conclusion to this article, as well as a message to you – the children of someone and also the parents of someone:

“On the Vu Lan day, remember to get back to your parents
Love your fathers when you still have him
Don’t make your mothers’ eyes filled with sorrow
Because who knows, how many more Vu Lan festivals
Can we get to pin flowers on their garments…”

Loving our children properly is also a way to express our love for our parents, remember that!

Much love,
Truly Inspired