THIRTY AND ITS “THRESHOLDS”

Recently, a younger friend of mine whom I had not seen for a long time messaged me after reading the article “Unsteadiness” that I recently shared on my Truly Inspired‘s Facebook Page.

In her lengthy message, she told me that while reading the part about nearing the age of 30, where “unsteadiness means endless sleepless nights,” her eyes started to swell up and get teary. When she reached the line, “The moment they saw their friends, some achieving success, some establishing families, while they themselves remained here, unsure of what to do to make tomorrow better,” she suddenly burst into uncontrollable tears. She told me that she had laid there and cried her heart out for a whole hour, and after the crying subsided, she felt a heavy burden on her face, which was carrying a pair of swollen eyes and a red, runny nose. Nevertheless, she felt a significant sense of relief in her heart.

Afterward, she decided to compose a message and send it to me via Truly Inspired.

She was a young woman who had recently quit her job at a place where she had been attached for the past six years since graduating. She had just experienced a family upheaval, with her parents getting divorced when they were both in their fifties, due to her father’s involvement with another woman.

She mentioned that it had been a long time since she cried so profoundly. When her parents divorced and her father went to live with another family, she didn’t cry. After becoming unemployed due to leaving a suffocating work environment, she had been unable to find new employment for several months, yet she didn’t cry. However, in the midst of sleepless nights, a few short lines of writing managed to unleash all the sorrow within her.

Through her heartfelt confession, I learned that she had plenty of reasons to cry, but primarily, it was the sorrows with specific names that overwhelmed her. I believe there are no words more fitting than the phrase “Thirty and its thresholds” to describe it.

In the past, when society still placed greater value on men than women, it seemed that the only concern for young women like us was marriage or childbirth. But as society has become more egalitarian and women have begun to unleash their talents and passions, it is also the time when these “thresholds” arise.

Both men and women, when facing the age of 30, seem to be haunted by these “thresholds,” such as:

• Career threshold: having to own a good amount of money, a good job, status, a house, or a car, etc.
• Marriage threshold: once people reach this point, both men and women start getting pressured by their families about marriage. It seems like everyone needs to get married at this stage, especially women, and if you reach the age of 30 without any spouse, you will be considered “single,” and people will start to assume that you are being too picky.
• Social dedication threshold: after 20 years of education, when you turn 30, you are expected to contribute to society, help those in need, or do something “charitable” that contributes to the shared benefit of your community, etc.

When I was young, I used to think this age of 30 was so far away. However, suddenly, like waking up from a dream, I am already 30. And now I am even closer to being classified as an under-40. Perhaps you are also the same, right? It feels like just yesterday we were still carefree, and now we’re already at the age of being someone else’s parent.

So, if you have not achieved these “thresholds” by the time you are 30, is it a big deal? – No, it never is! That is my affirmation! If you do not have them all at 30, then it can always come at 31, 32, or even 35, 40, and so on. Why limit ourselves to a specific age when life is meant for us to experience every journey?

I understand that many people can achieve early success in their twenties, but by the time they reach their thirties, they will somehow be brought back to square one and have to start over, yet can still be as enthusiastic as how they used to be in their youthful days. Then, when they reached their forties, they once again stood on the peak of their own glory. I also know individuals who did not achieve their calling until they were in their fifties. Or there are those who achieved success at the age of 30 and maintained a relatively sustainable success until their 50s or 60s.

I understand that if we succeed earlier, it may help our families overcome difficulties and provide happiness and prosperity for our parents at an earlier age. However, my dear friend, there are no regulations or laws that require us to be successful by the age of 30.

It is all just a measurement based on our own thoughts, inherited from many generations. That’s why many young people are influenced by this.

Let me share another small story with you, so you can see that it is not turning 30 that creates pressure for us, but rather we are “nailing” ourselves and causing our own suffering.

The other day, a girl on our team jokingly said to me, “Lately, social media has been so pressuring, seeing young people being so successful. They have luxury cars, enormous wealth, and impressive achievements. Here I am, almost 29 and have not accomplished anything.”

I told her, “Why do you always have to look at other people’s success and feel like you have nothing? You have many things that others don’t. If we use other people’s worth to measure our own value, we will always feel like failures, weak, and lacking in comparison.”

If we see someone’s success, remember that it is the result of their efforts. They may have spent countless nights crying over their meals, fallen asleep at their desks, or lived on instant noodles for months to overcome challenges. When we see their achievements, let’s congratulate them and, if possible, let it motivate us to continue striving on our own paths. We will never truly know what they have been through until the results appear, so never compare ourselves to them and end up feeling insecure.

Perhaps you are also a talented individual, but you have not had the opportunity or luck to shine yet. This does not mean that we will always fail or lag behind.

If we have achieved nothing by 30, then we will strive to have something by 40.

If we have not gotten married by 30, then we will get married by 40. If not, we will still live happily, go to work every day, love life, and love our jobs. In the evenings, we can enjoy a glass of red wine and appreciate the peaceful environment around us. Or we can go on dates with whoever we want!

Everything in this world cannot escape the concept of “destiny,” my dear friend.

Our task is to live, to make efforts, and to be happy. Everything else will fall into place with the help of the universe. Like me, I had no idea that my single life would end and I would get married, with a loving and caring husband too.

Let’s stop being bound by these “thresholds” in life. Every moment in life, every milestone will always have meaningful things in store for you. If it is not family, it could be a career, and if not a career, it could be love. And if there is nothing else, you still have yourself! Having yourself means having everything, my dear friend!

Let go of these “thresholds,” and you will feel truly comfortable and light-hearted!

Much love,
Truly Inspired®