MONEY AND LOVE

“If you were to choose, would you like to choose a different mom and a different dad? I would.”
Unknowingly coming across this sentence on social networks, I suddenly felt a bit startled and had to pause for a quick moment. That question was from a young Gen Z’s post on one of today’s major social media channels, with an incredible number of likes, comments and interactions from thousands of different people.

I suddenly wondered what made them ask such a question, and once that question is posted on social media, it also means that the teen was heavily filled with the desire to change their parents, and perhaps was dreaming of another home.

The question of this Gen. Z friend also reminds me of the story of one of my friends in the Truly Inspired team I was told a month ago. This is not only the girl that I work with, but I also spend a lot of time helping her heal her wounded inner child, and it is normal for her to give me frequent updates on her life or personal problems with me.

A month ago, I suddenly received loads of text messages from her on a very ordinary day. It was around noon in Vietnam time, and it was already late afternoon in Australia. Each long text message sent from her made me immediately pause what I was doing to read every single thing carefully. She told me how her mother had just been scammed and was in a huge debt, the amount of which was up to 75 million VND (approximately 4,836 AUD). I then knew that her mother was deceived through scammers on social networks who tricked her into clicking on an online money loan page because of their highly “promising, preferential interest rates for customers.”

After her mother followed the initial instructions to get a loan, the other party called and said that she had done something wrong and caused their bank’s network to corrupt. They told her that she had to transfer 15 million VND (around 967.94 AUD) to “fix the system”, then the said amount would be refunded along with the loan amount. With the gullibility and naivety of a woman who only stayed and worked all year long in her little countryside, the mother unhesitantly transferred the huge number to them, but it started to become worse when they started to convince her to forward an additional amount up to 75 million VND (approximately 4,836 AUD). According to her mother, the scammers threatened to expose her mother’s loan and personal information on social media to accuse her of shutting down their whole online banking system but refusing to pay. Those reasons were nothing more than a meaningless intimidation, yet the woman was so panicked and frightened to the point that she had to once again borrow more money from outside to pay them off, and the interest rate this time was up to 10% per month. That was too much for a family that only relied on farming like hers.

I know how depressed, tired and helpless my colleague must have been to quickly compose such long messages to send to me. Among those messages, there was this one line that caught my attention the most, “What did I do to have to be in such a situation? I’m not obligated to pay that amount, right? Why does it have to be me? Why is everything in the family my responsibility? Can’t I do it?”

I deeply felt sorry for what the girl had to go through, as in addition to this ginormous debt, she had to also carry a much larger debt than this number for her family. She still had to work over the clock to finish the other monthly payments for her family, including other debts that they have had prior to this, so I really understood the girl’s feeling of helplessness when she received the news of such a sudden increase in debt. However, for this time, her father knew absolutely nothing about this incident since the girl did not dare to tell her father because of all the conflicts and aggression she got since the last time she did. Sadly, all she could do was keep quiet.

I somehow understand that for a small moment, she probably has felt so mad about her mother and about why she did not call her immediately even though the scam was so obvious, to which she ended up dealing with on her own in confusion and worry. Only when the debt became too large, the mother finally let her know.

I also know that she blamed her fate for letting her be born in a family that was not very well off, with parents hardly getting along and bringing even more troubles to her like that.

I understand how uncontrollable the turmoil, resentment and anger in her heart were at that time. I did not text back much, only after a few words of reassurance that I reminded her about one thing, “Your mom must be truly worried, scared and blaming herself a lot right now, my sister. Don’t forget to ask her about it too!”

And rightly so, in a long message the mother sent her, she wrote: “My sweetheart, I am so scared, I know everything I have done is all wrong. Please, I beg you, don’t be mad at me and please don’t leave me here all alone…”
After reading the news, my friend started to bawl her eyes out, and in one phone call I pointed out the problem that made her uncomfortable with the “cumulative responsibility” she was carrying.

My dear friend,
In the end, everything all comes from love. If the mother did not want to share the debt pressure with her children, she wouldn’t need to find a place to get a loan with a lower interest rate, but she did not expect that her actions would cause such consequences. Obviously, the main motivation here was her unconditional love for the child, yet unfortunately it was not the best thing and the ending result was not so pleasant.

If the girl was calm enough to realise this, she would have sympathised with the mother’s negligence better, and if she had seen how everything the mother did was for her, she would have loved her more. Even if the debt is thick and she was the one to pay, it would still be fine if she was doing everything with love for her family, right?

I think that one of the biggest reasons why the separation in the family is becoming more and more obvious is that the family members still love but lack real understanding. We still want to be the only one who decides upon things based on our own perspective without knowing if it would also be good for our parents, children, and/or siblings. 
We, in the name of love, give ourselves the right to “do-something-good” for our loved ones, without knowing that it might not be good at all.

In the end, what I want to say here is that remember to always talk and always share to understand each other better, whether it is a relationship with your co-worker or your family member. There is a reason why all misunderstandings, arguments and hatred in this world all come from our ignorance of the other party and us not seeing the “hidden corner” in the hearts of our loved ones.

If we pay enough attention, everything will always be resolved smoothly like the story of the girl in our team. Luckily, I am happy to know that up until now, the girl and her mother have understood one another again and are working together to pay that debt. She is no longer angry with my mother, and both of them still call each other every day to ask and give one another loving and encouraging words. Take it easy, and everything will be fine.

Much love,
Truly Inspired