THE MOST IMPORTANT ABILITY OF AN ADULT

“I am so happy because after what happened just now, the most important thing is that I know how to confidently make decisions by myself. It seems like I have decided more calmly, not rushing like so many times before. Hehe”

The message was sent to my Zalo at midnight in the Melbourne timezone like a warm stream gently flowing through my emotions as I was about to finish the remaining work of a long day. This message is from a sister that I just met and worked with on a small project from last October.

I think the universe is magical when it always knows how to connect people to help each other, directly or indirectly, completing memorable “milestones” in life. Similar to the girl above, I “caught” her at a time when she was lost and lonely in her friendships, love life, and work.

It was truly a strange predestined relationship because just after a couple of collaborations, she and I became “soul family” sisters. Moreover, during this time, I also witnessed many of her personal stories, through what she shared with me. The times when she cried, when she was happy, when she encountered unfortunates and could not control her emotions,… I have seen her through many stages of feelings, thoughts, and actions from that day to the present.

That night, when I received a message from her, I was truly happy deep down in my heart, because for the past 7 months, as an experienced Coach and a sister that she can trust, I have supported and helped her a lot in limiting negative emotions from within, helping her to build up her talents, create and understand her values when dealing with work and relationships. That is why today when she sent me that message, I was so excited!

The thing that surprised me the most is the sentence “I know how to confidently make decisions by myself.” Now you might wonder why am I so happy about this sentence, right?

That is because the day I got to know her and throughout many collaborations, she was quite a dependent person. Dependent emotionally, in friendship, and even in love. She shared with me that she went with her best friend when she stepped foot in Saigon to set up a business. Over the years, her friend, despite being the same age, has always been more mature than her. Therefore, her friend would usually be the one who decides and finishes most of the jobs as the outcome might be better than my friend’s at that moment. After having a boyfriend, she became more like a child because everything, little by little, was always taken care of by her boyfriend. Those are the two reasons why she felt so comfortable even though she is at the age of starting a business and making money far away from home.

She said that she was overconfident and over-reliant on the surrounding people. Although she still works and earns money, with decisive things in life, she does not seem to be able to finish them independently. She will follow the advice or solution of someone who she thinks is willing to help her and she will not care about the feelings of those around her that sometimes they also expect her to be more “mature” and can live up to her age.

Then, the storm finally came to her. When her best friend moved to another place to start a business while her love life was also troubled. That had hurt her, made her disappointed, and struggled when it was only until she was 30 years old that she truly “lived alone”, and did everything by herself.

However, my dear friend,
Financial independence has always been easier than emotional independence. To have money and be able to support yourself, you can go out and apply for any job out there for a short time to temporarily create income that meets your living needs. Nonetheless, to gain independence in terms of thoughts and feelings, you will need more time. This girl has lived in that “privileged condition” for so many years that it became so difficult for her to quickly have emotional independence right away. Therefore, with the recent incident that she went through, she was finally able to make choices and decisions by herself based on calm consideration. I consider it a proud achievement of her on the way to conquering her values and understanding herself.

That is why the most important ability of an adult is: Self-determination!

When you know how to calmly and wisely decide for anything that happens in your life, it means you already have the problem-solving ability and self-responsibility for life.

This is what is called “the true milestone of a mature adult”, not just age or physical growth!

When making your decisions and taking responsibility for them, you will always be able to accept and find a solution more easily than those who would choose to retreat and blame others.
Self-determination helps you live an independent life, without being dominated or reliant on anyone.
Making your decisions will give you more courage to explore this wonderful world.

Of course, to learn how to make decisions by yourself, you will certainly have to go through a lot of difficulties and obstacles in life. Even someone’s oppression or overly thoughtfulness can affect your ability to decide things by yourself.
However, once you truly understand what it means to be able to decide things by yourself in life, you will be able to raise independent children who would be able to understand their self-worth. You would also be able to build a life in which the ignorance-related or irresponsibility-related risks could be reduced. You would know how to love someone properly and finish your job well.

The most important ability of an adult: The ability to make decisions by yourself!

Just like my friend who I mentioned above, now, even though she has not completely stepped out of the past version of herself because she still needs more time, she has gradually learned how to control her life and emotions. I believe that she will have many more interesting and useful experiences on this journey of self-improving!
Moreover, I hope you will soon be able to achieve the same thing, too!

Much love,
Truly Inspired®