REVENGE OR FORGIVENESS?
Have you ever been betrayed in both love and affection?
What I mean is experiencing the feeling of being betrayed by your loved one while discovering that you are also being treated dishonestly by one or more of your close friends.
I have just experienced both of these feelings through a story shared with me by a person who directly went through everything. During the journey of developing myself and becoming a professional Coach, I have heard many such situations. Therefore, today, through this article, I would like to help you, or anyone who is stuck in the middle of this tangled emotional mess, express their emotions.
I still remember that day was a beautiful day. I had an appointment with a very beautiful girl yet her eyes were full of sadness, as if it was so clear that she had just gone through difficult days. Perhaps, this meeting was predestined in our lives that the universe seemed to be more determined than ever to bring us together after 3 cancellations due to her sudden issues. Finally, that day, we met successfully at my office.
She is Vietnamese with shiny blonde hair that further enhances her smooth, white skin. Her eyes are truly attractive not only because of their big size and roundness but also because they were glistening with sorrow.
Before the official coaching session occurred, I had read her briefly shared problem via Truly Inspired email. This a concise email, but extremely polite and gentle. When reading the email, I thought about this girl and analyzed her a bit. As shared in the email, I know that she was a person coming from a good educational environment and she was a quite successful person in her career. Moreover, when she came to my office, everything from her outfit, her appearance, the way she nodded to me and the sharing about her current job showed me how genuine and loving a person she was.
Perhaps, you will wonder why I wrote such a long paragraph, just to describe the girl right? I deliberately wrote more details about that girl just to show you that, somewhere out there, you would find many such neat, professional, and loving girls like that, yet their private lives and relationships may not be smooth and fortunate like we thought they would be.
Moreover, I also want to share that the girl’s mind was quite unstable because of her issues when she asked to meet up with me, yet she did not show up with a droopy look and dark circles under her eyes but rather with a light layer of makeup, along with a decent outfit, which has shown that she always respects herself, as well as respect the people she meets. This has impressed me because I am a person who lives according to a philosophy: Even if the sky falls, even if it was painful and you collapsed or cried until your eyes are swollen the night before, when going out the next day, you always have to dress up properly, keep your head high and move on. That is why I like girls that are the same as her!
Back to the main problem that she encountered: She was being betrayed by her boyfriend after many years of dating while finding out some shocking truths about friends who she considered to be very close, after being together for about 10 years.
She said that her boyfriend liked another girl, much younger than her, much prettier than her (this was what she told me, I have no idea what the other girl looked like). As for her friends, who were running a small fashion store with her. They have been friends for many years and shared a common interest in fashion, clothes & accessories. Therefore they decided to open an online cosmetic store together. After 4 years, after accumulating quite a bit of profit and brand on the market, the team opened a traditional, offline store. Everything was going well for everyone until her group had 2 new girls who joined in, they turned the team into the “Five Dragon Princesses”. That was when most unhappy events started to occur.
The two people who just joined the group are her acquaintances. The whole group of 5 people already knew each other before, but they have only decided to join this team recently. The two new friends had more experience in opening offline stores. They shared with her a lot of experience in marketing for small shops as well as consulting customers. Of course, they only played the role of consultants, not participating in the group’s business. Then, one day, one of the two friends called her out to a cafe and asked her if I was truly participating in the “teamwork” with the other two girls, or if I was the one to follow all the instructions and decisions of them.
She honestly answered that she only took the responsibility for the logistics and customer support on buying/returning products or answering their questions while the rest would be done by the other two. Then, the other girl told her a lot of things that she did not know before, such as her two friends inviting the new girl to a private party. Both of them also wanted that girl to be directly involved in marketing and customer support – a process that she still took responsibility for every day.
Not only that, they also arbitrarily changed some concepts in ideas that she suggested initially, but did not bother to ask for her opinion. They thought that just because she was handling logistics support, it was not necessary to let her participate too much in operating the business. If she did not agree with anything, then they would tell her to stop working with them. In general, on the outside, during the hours they worked together, her friends were always happy and very close to her. Therefore she did not notice anything at all until she heard everything that the new girl shared.
At the same time, she also sat down and began to connect almost all the events that happened between the 3 people from the time they started hanging. until the time they did business together. With all trust and responsibility, she worked her best and put lots of effort into ignoring the times when she was being harshly scolded or being given negative attitudes by the other two. She had helped the business develop a lot from the time there were only 1-2 orders every day, until the time when customers were so familiar with the group’s fashion brand on the market. Despite handling problems in the backend, despite having her work not that significant, her insignificant contribution was an indispensable step for all types of businesses.
When discovering these insincere things, the girl was truly heartbroken. That is because she has just gone through the shock of being betrayed in love. She thought her friends for many years would be her support, yet they were also the ones who “betrayed” her in a different way. Her contributions have never been recognized by them. The silent sacrifice that she diligently gave away for the mutual benefit, in the end, was not noticed by anyone. They even tried to oust her from the team after creating bondings with the two new girls. At that time, she felt like the world had turned its back on her. She was alone in the middle of an unfamiliar land, lonely and isolated!
With the experiences that I went through in my youth, I just wanted to give her a big hug after hearing that story! I sympathize with her so much, because, from her, I can also see a part of my youth when I used to encounter similar cases. At that time, my situation was much worse than hers, when every day I had to eat rice with salt, soy sauce, or only two bananas to survive through a day, to be able to cope, work and earn money.
I think that you, who are reading these lines, may have experienced those pains before, or even more painful. However, you made it through, right?
Or are you still struggling with anger, discomfort, wanting to “mash” other people into hundreds of pieces to feel better? Do you have a “plan” to get revenge, or will you just silently keep the hatred deep inside of you, forget those people who could not treat you well, and then move on to a new, better life?
My advice to the girl, as well as to you guys all now is: Forget it! Resentment should be removed, and should not be added more, and that is because even if you try to get revenge on the other person, you will just feel more miserable and tired!
I know that forgetting such painful events is hard because we have lived very honestly, and friendly with those people who we love but still chose to hurt us. I understand every feeling and thought of the girl, as well as yours.
However, my friend, life has always been hard like that. We will be sent “white” and “black” messengers by the universe. By making us miserable or happy, they will help us know how to love our lives, and appreciate ourselves more!
Especially girls, remember: If we dare to love someone, even though they are full of bad qualities, we will have enough courage to leave them. Believe in your kindness, do not let anyone’s behavior “erode” the purity in your heart!
Perhaps, today you have not forgotten what other people did to you or you could still be burning inside with anger, but do not become the “ugly” version of yourself. If you see someone behaving unkindly towards you, just walk away gently. Continue to be honest and loving, there will be people out there who treasure and need you! Your values and self-worth will bring you to those with corresponding values!
The peace and joy in your soul is the most important thing. You always deserve it, buddy!
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