TOXIC POSITIVITY, Part 1 – “GRACELESS”

Have you ever wondered how your excessive positivity can bring toxicity to others and yourself?
Or have you ever been the one to “suffer” from the surrounding people’s toxic positivity?

To be honest, I know both of these cases are quite difficult to recognise if we are not truly being mindful. That is because there are lots of times we are not even fully aware of how our actions and words will affect people around us, let alone understand or sympathise with others’ expressions.

In today’s article, I will share with you a perspective of “Toxic positivity”, to help you somewhat imagine what it is like to be toxic from inappropriate excessiveness. Today’s topic will contain two articles with two events, showing two different approaches to toxic positivity. Let’s look forward to them together! 

Do you still remember the article “The third person: You are not a second choice!” that I posted on Truly Inspired a few months ago? In that article, I have shared with you guys stories of two girls who became the third person in a relationship, one passively – one proactively chosen to be so, along with different results. Today, I will go back a little bit about the story of the second woman.

As in that article, I once said that the second woman, after choosing to follow her heart, had accidentally lost her “right” to be a mother, and then gradually lost the love, bond, and even the respect of her children for her.

The separation and damages caused by her later made her suffer loss and trauma after her children grew up and began to deeply understand what she did. Besides, she also had to see her children love their new family with their biological father and stepmother more than her. This became the initial motive of the most terrible problems this woman was about to cause for her ex-husband’s new family.

When I heard the whole story, I knew that even though the mother was to blame, it was also pitiful for her, my friend. That is because, being a woman, I also understand that: No matter how brave or strong a woman is, she is still very vulnerable, even if she accidentally or intentionally made the mistake.

However, instead of turning her negative feelings into jealousy, and envy and then continuing to behave wrong, only she would calm down and consider things more wisely to see her inner damages and wounds, and to see that she was also suffering a lot and needed to be healed.

Because of that jealousy and envy, she made up a utopian story to slander, bring down, and make things more difficult for her ex-husband’s family to regain custody of the child, even though she knew that the child loves the stepmother and the biological father more. Moreover, from her actions, her daughter began to gradually reduce interaction with the mother, sometimes not even wanting to receive questions and concerns from her because she thought it was all a lie…

At this time, after many ups and downs caused by that woman, the last kindness that her ex-husband had for her was silence. Everything she did had made their relationship no longer worth investing in nor allowed her to bond with her kid anymore. If she was not that stubborn, her child would not have any reasons to stop loving her. If she is a wise person, she should have cleared the tension between everyone, because that is the best for the daughter. The child will be loved by more people and would feel happy. rather than having to use an alienated attitude towards her biological mother.

In short, after some juridical intervention and reconciliation, everything has become fine. However, all could not have been good anymore. Then, do you know that woman chose to end her juridical attacks and move on to annoy her ex-husband’s family in a surprisingly weird way?

She texted her ex-husband, addressing them as husband and wife in the chat, even slandered many things about his new wife, and made up many stories about him and her daughter. Nonetheless, after that, she still occasionally texted him, asking for favours.

However, the main thing here is that she still actively kept in touch with her ex-husband and daughter in a very calm manner as if nothing ever happened before, as if the previous damages were done by someone else, not her. Her “positive” connection inadvertently becomes graceless, and unattractive in the eyes of others, and they no longer want to help her anymore, because she does not even admit that she was wrong.

Friend, if someone actively acknowledges and tries to correct the mistake to make up for it, that is very good. However, being so selflessly positive will not bring back any better results or values.

My dear friend,

What is created by our ego is often not considered sincere enough in such cases. It was her intense graceless interactions that did not leave her any chance for the ex-husband to help heal her relationship with the daughter, despite knowing that when being a parent, saying slightly hurtful things is sometimes inevitable.

If only she knew how to act in a kind and suitable manner, things would have been different, not losing the last bit of respect in her ex-husband’s heart.

Therefore, my dear friend,

When we actively try to do something to make life better, it is a good thing to do. However, before doing that, let’s actively correct mistakes that you have made before first.

Like the character in the story above, if only she showed proper sincerity, adults together would have had a peaceful and civilised solution after the divorce, to educate and love their child together. It is the forced excessiveness in her actions that lets her ego dominate her without knowing she is not as positively active as she thinks she is. The scary thing about toxic positivity is the illusion of being positive.

My dear friend, this is a perspective on “The toxicity of positivity” that I mentioned in this article. See you in my new article where I identify more actions that are considered toxic positivity!

Much love,
Truly Inspired