THE CLOSER ONE IS, THE MORE SINCERELY THEY SHOULD BE TREATED. DO NOT ACT OTHERWISE!

Yesterday, I was lucky to have a conversation with one of my friends, and it had been a while since we had the opportunity to engage in a leisurely chat, the kind that is somewhat carefree. Both of us have been incredibly busy lately, completely consumed by projects, plans, and a packed schedule of meetings. There were times when we had to work until 4 AM for several consecutive days, which left us feeling drained and in need of something to lighten the workload.

We were not doing anything extraordinary, as we were still living in separate places. Yet, suddenly, we missed each other, so we decided to call, and it was as if telepathy had connected us. My friend even mentioned that if I had not called, she would have called me because they had been thinking about me lately. Our friendship transcends age, and it is truly magical. 

I was lying on my favourite sofa, listening to your cool voice from the other side, as we discussed various matters about the recent days of our lives. Then, there was a topic that both of us seemed to be in perfect harmony, seeking the same understanding as we touched upon: relationships and affection within the family.

There is quite an interesting story that she has shared which really caught my attention, even though the situation in the story is quite ordinary. She told me about a trip taken by her, her husband, and her three other friends in a family car. Among the three others, there was another couple, and the remaining person was the brother of one of her friends.

During the trip, her group embarked on an adventurous and rather spontaneous journey, unanimously agreeing that every time they travelled approximately 150 kilometres, they would find a local restaurant and a small hotel for the whole group to rest. However, the female friend tagging along had a habit of getting hungry quite often, thus if she had not had anything to eat for about two hours, she would become quite irritable, and each time she became irritable, she would get annoyed with her boyfriend. Aware of her temperament, her boyfriend would often buy some snacks like pastries or salty foods like rice crackers or dried pork to keep in the car for when she got hungry.

 However, on one occasion, the woman’s boyfriend had forgotten to buy her some snacks, and she started to have her “hungry time” when there was no food left in the car and the group had just entered the highway, which required another hour and a half to exit the highway. She got upset and told him, “Hey, you know I often get hungry, yet you forgot to buy food. You never remember on your own. It’s strange for a partner. I only remember when I remind you, otherwise, you never remember at all. Next time, I’d rather stay home, don’t invite me on any more road trips!”

Not only that, but she also got mad at her own brother who was accompanying them, constantly pointing out how he was always greedy and never bothered to buy anything for his little sister to eat.

My friend said that the atmosphere in the car suddenly turned tense to the point where the lady’s boyfriend had to pretend to roll down the window for some fresh air, despite the hot summer weather outside. At that moment, my friend suddenly remembered there was a small pack of snacks in her handbag, so she quickly told the other friend that if she could not bear the hunger anymore, she could temporarily have the snacks to ease her cravings.

And guess what? Surprisingly, the other girl replied in an extremely polite and tender tone, saying, “Oh, it’s alright, sis. I’ll have a sip of water and get some rest. I can bear it for a while. Once we’re past the highway, you can wake me up, alright?”

Did you recognise anything strange in this situation?
It is the woman’s tone and attitude.

Even though this group of friends has been playing together for years, you can still see how the lady was ready to snap and utter unpleasant words, causing harm to both her boyfriend and his brother. Although they might have grown accustomed to hearing such remarks, deep down, they would definitely not feel entirely comfortable. According to what my friend said, that boyfriend also belonged to the considerate type of people that would never forget things about their lover, but just because he was dating her, she felt at ease spouting such offensive words without a second thought.

Moreover, there was also another couple in the car, but that particular friend seemed to have no intention of maintaining the dignity of her brother-in-law and her boyfriend, as she continued to frown and speak those not-so-adorable words.

Welp, do you happen to find these situations close to home?

Honestly, I think that those situations do not just only feel close to home, but they are also scenarios that many people have learned by heart.

The closer and more familiar we are with someone, the more often we tend to employ an “exaggerated” attitude, language, and gestures towards them. It may be the same issue, but with outsiders, we tend to be subtle, even using gentle manners to respond. However, with our loved ones, even the slightest thing can make us raise our voice or furrow our brows in frustration.

This situation can occur in not only romantic relationships, or in marriages, but also between parents and children and among siblings within a family. Thus, it is truly unfortunate and suggests that things really require adjustment, my dear friend!

The more we are loved, the more we tend to rely on that affection to act more aggressively towards our loved ones. We may confidently think that they will never abandon us even if the world turns its back on us, for they are the ones who love and cherish us the most. We may think that they will always overlook and forget all the flaws and hurts, be they minor or severe, that we have caused them. As for outsiders, we dare not open up too much, dare not reveal our attitude, out of fear and reverence. Fear of being judged, fear of being excluded by others, fear of losing our job, fear of being spoken ill of behind our back, and so much more.

Therefore, in the end, it is our dearest ones who have to bear the burden of all our emotional states and words. It is truly unfair for things to be this way, isn’t it?

To be fair, not everyone will exhibit such impulsive behaviour towards others. Nonetheless, if you pay closer attention to your surroundings, you will clearly see this being exhibited in our daily life. Regardless of how small the matter may be, there will always be individuals who make it more difficult and burdensome through their attitude and impatience towards their loved ones.

Nevertheless, I also understand that deep within the souls of those individuals, after displaying such “attitude” and finally returning to solitude, they often begin to become conscious of their recent actions. They might start feeling regret, acknowledging their faults, or being tormented by their own excessive behaviour, and soon realise that the incident is actually quite trivial, and can all be resolved gently.

I refer to this phenomenon as the mechanism of interconnected wounds. It means that with any harm we inflict upon our loved ones, somewhere deep within our souls, there will be cracks of that same pain, for we are blood and flesh within the same family, or for we consider them as part of our family.

I understand that normally, you never really want to become heated and utter hurtful words to your loved ones, am I right? It is just that you have yet learned the right ways to control your thoughts, attitudes, and emotions.

Let me share with you a small tip I regularly use to reduce any chances I may potentially cause harm to my loved ones: start thinking to yourself that they cannot be with you forever!

Every day, every month, every year that passes, our children grow a little older, and parents age a fraction. As our children grow up, they will soon have their own joys, happiness, and warmth. Parents grow older, perhaps with more illnesses, declining health, and the day when they will be forever separated from us will also arrive in the blink of an eye!

When you consistently cultivate such thoughts, you will gradually appreciate the presence of your loved ones by your side. Even a single day is already so precious!

Always engage in gentle conversations with your parents, siblings, and be harmonious with them whenever you can. If not, one day, suddenly without them by your side, you will deeply regret and realise your own loneliness. But at that moment, what can bring them back to your side?

Our children are no exception. The tender love and companionship that accompany them help bridge the generation gap, keeping them by your side regardless of how far they may wander or how much they grow!

Every word we speak to our loved ones should be ones of healing and affection, rather than acting as daggers that pierce their hearts, causing them pain and leaving deep scars! Let us not reserve all the beauty and brilliance for interactions with outsiders; instead, save the ugly and unpleasant parts for our beloved ones. The closer the relationship, the more genuine our treatment should be. Do not act in reverse, my dear friend!

As I write until this point, I suddenly recall the words of a revered nun whose teachings were simple yet profound and deeply resonant with me:

“Words are not mere smoke, but they sting like pepper in the eyes.
Words are not mere clouds, but they carry us away endlessly.
Then why don’t we sit down, and speak more gently to each other…”

We can all make a change, even if it is small, and even from today, my dear friend!

Much love,
Truly Inspired®