HAVE YOU EVER DONE SOMETHING IN YOUR LIFE AND REGRETTED IT?

“Hey Na, you are not a human…!”

What a… surprising statement, right?
Fortunately, that was just an exclamation from a fellow classmate of mine recently when our Teacher introduced a topic for class discussion:

“Have you ever done something in your life and regretted it?”

The class was divided into two “camps” based on each person’s response: those with regrets and those without. On that day, the Teacher asked each person in class the question, and I found myself in the latter group. After sharing my answer, my classmate looked at me with such astonishment, as if to say I was not “like a human” at all.

Perhaps, for some individuals who have yet interacted with me, including you – the person reading this article, there might be a bit of scepticism or surprise when I say I have never regretted or felt remorse about anything in life from adolescence to now, right?

However, that is the truth.
I can affirm that to you. Since I started becoming more aware of everything in life until now, I have almost always given my all in everything and in every relationship with dedication and effort, regardless of the outcome. That is why I have nothing to regret. This is not the first time people around me have expressed their astonishment like my classmate did, so it just makes me smile.

I understand that, for many people, perhaps even for you, this is not an easy concept to grasp, as different life experiences have led them and maybe even you to make some mistakes, resulting in regret later on.

“Wholehearted dedication and utmost effort” is my life philosophy, be it in love, or in most things that happen in life – it has always been upheld until the present moment, and perhaps will continue to be so for the remainder of my life.

Today, on the occasion of the year-end, a time when everyone is reflecting on the past year – its accomplishments, regrets, and what could have been done differently – I hope these reflections from my own experiences, especially in matters of love, will be beneficial to someone reading.

You know, until now, among my friends or acquaintances, many have wondered how someone like me would behave in love (which is a common curiosity when I meet someone new).

This curiosity likely stems from my outward demeanour, which tends to appear reserved, although it is not intentional; it is more like I have been that way since birth (probably many of you can relate).

I am an expressive person, yet sometimes, I lean towards introversion and feel hesitant about interacting with strangers, and it is not that I am genuinely cold as my exterior might suggest. And you know what? That demeanour has led many to misunderstand and wonder: Despite looking somewhat cold, why do people around me (excluding family) like and shower affection on me, sometimes a lot?

One of the reasons I am cherished by many friends and loved ones is due to this simple principle: I always choose to live wholeheartedly with genuine sincerity in all relationships, no matter what they entail. Especially in matters of human interaction.

This is because I always maintain a “love bank account” for those I care about. Each loved one, each family member, and each friend has their own account created by me. My role is to consistently strive to be there for them when they need someone to share or help untangle a problem.

However, did you know? Despite sharing my affection with many, each account is always nurtured with its own abundant sweetness. It is this very sweetness that some within my close circle have indulged in for too long or too much, falling into another “sweet trap” they have built themselves, evident in: them feeling a bit bored or excessively confident to the point of thinking I cannot be without them! This perspective is a significant misconception in relationships that many people find themselves entangled in.

I am the type who loves for a long time, cares deeply, and even has relationships that extend the inner pain and take a long time to heal. However, on the flip side, I am also the type that says, “If I can hold it up, I can put it down.” Thus, in some past relationships, it is not always that I have stopped loving or caring; it is sometimes that my love bank account for that person has gradually run dry.

Furthermore, I always hold a clear viewpoint: if someone is in my realm of affection but is not caught in a sweet trap, they will multiply our love account over time, and the “interest” of affection will increase throughout the years. Conversely, if someone falls into the ”sweet trap” of my love and care, then the account will slowly deplete, sometimes even reaching zero. Usually, when the account starts exceeding its usage but does not receive additional investment to grow, I pause a bit and ask the person this question:

“Do you think I love you so much that taking it for granted seems natural, and there is no need to build it up anymore?”

When this question is posed, my love bank account is usually already at about 50% capacity. After this question, two scenarios unfold on the other person’s side: scenario one, some realise the issue and make changes, while others proceed to scenario two – remain subjective, believing I will always be there for them no matter what.

Do you know what I am going to do then?
I will continue to love because I still have feelings for them, yet I will choose to adjust my attitude a bit towards that person. Specifically, I will change my perspective on my love for them. I do not have specific expectations for what my significant other should do for me, but I will silently observe, reflect, and evaluate. This is what the “dangerous” part is, perhaps!

Someone who silently observes everything within them can sometimes be “dangerous” compared to someone who speaks everything out loud. I have never had high demands or standards for my significant other, nor do I expect someone to change themselves for me. For anyone, I always tend to want them to be themselves. It is just that in a romantic relationship, both parties need to choose what is suitable to change for each other and to love each other more.

I always respect the views, personalities, interests, or passions of the other person. So, if someone undergoes positive changes, I always hope it is because they want it, they like it, they feel it is better for them, and it can suit the love of both sides, not because they try to change to please me.

In romantic relationships, I often choose to offer suggestions for my partner to become better, even for both to complement each other. Therefore, I always choose to give feedback in a straightforward, gentle, and respectful manner. However, fundamental changes, interests, or individual passions are something I never want the other person to change unless they actively decide to do so.

The idea of expecting someone to change for oneself is something that many people seek, forgetting that we can live for and with each other only when the love is great enough.

Returning to the idea of changing perspectives or attitudes after posing the first question to the other person, I find that many women tend to fall into the trap of “resentment,” getting angry, and having intense arguments just to make the other person think seriously about that question. However, I choose to be silent and observe how the other will act. After a sufficient amount of time, I continue to share my second thought if the first question does not awaken the other person in the relationship. And the second statement is,

“I am very willing to find a suitable way for both of us to be happier. I never want to use love or power to impose on my man, but at the same time I also love myself. So, I choose silence to give both sides enough space and quietness to think about themselves and our love.”

When the second statement is shared, that is when my love bank account for them will have only about 30% capacity left. At this point, I still love and care for them because, as I said, I never want to leave any regrets in anything.

When love is given wholeheartedly, investing all the affection to someone, regardless of the outcome, one will never regret stepping out of a relationship. In my perspective, one’s ego does not contribute to personal happiness; it often leads to regret in the later years. In moments of relationship discord, when both parties find themselves at odds, exhaustion is inevitable, and If, during this phase, we do not wholeheartedly dedicate ourselves to love, we will likely look back with regret, whether we express it or not.

The pain of a breakup is universal, no matter how big or small, be it from the one leaving or the one staying, or even when both decide to part ways.

Particularly for those who have exhausted their “love bank account,” turning away can be even more painful, perhaps more than usual, yet I can be sure that these individuals often carry no regrets. This is in stark contrast to those who have not fully invested in love and choose to leave.

When love is given wholeheartedly, the pain may be profound. However, regret is definitely absent! The fear is not in experiencing the pain nor loving the wrong one, but rather in lacking the courage to move forward. This is because even if the love turns out to be a mistake, it is still an experience that we fully embraced, right?

Some have asked me before: Is it foolish to continue loving when the “love bank account” is running dry?

In my view, persisting in loving someone until the “love bank account” hits zero and still refusing to leave is the true mistake. However, if the account is at zero, and you accept the outcome, letting go and moving on to a new chapter with new journeys and a new self, then that is the right way to demonstrate self-love. Achieving this means no storm can linger in your heart for long because, at that point, you will be busy embracing the joy of fresh breezes, beautiful rays of sunlight, and refreshing rain on a new journey. In doing so, you protect your own emotions while demonstrating respect for your love.

If you wish to love, do so with all your sincerity and start by reserving a new “love bank account” for someone more fitting. Never believe that there will not be anyone who could appreciate you more than the old person did; the Universe is very generous, and with enough faith and resilience to weather storms, you will find yourself embraced by a rainbow in a new sky painted with love!

Remember to cherish emotions in love; love from the depths of your heart so that you will never have to ponder the “what ifs” at any stage in the future whenever you look back. It may take time to heal after the conclusion of a profound relationship, but once decided, you will feel light and liberated, for knowing that you have loved without reservation.

I hope you can be vigilant enough to experience the full sweetness of love, yet still possess enough “wisdom” for both of you to accumulate the “love bank account” for both multiplicatively.

Never starve your own emotions. If at some point you have tried your best but your “love bank account” is being slowly eroded, hold your head high and move forward – never regret loving wholeheartedly!

These shared thoughts aim at relationships where both sides value each other from the beginning, but for you, ladies, if you find yourself in a relationship where the other person is not willing to invest in love from the start, consider ending your investment sooner rather than later! Love with mindfulness will awaken love; do not let yourself regret, my dear friend!

Much love,
Truly Inspired