ABANDONMENT

Abandoning something, for many people, is not a particularly pleasant subject, yet why did I still choose to write this article?

Because, in reality, I believe that abandonment also has its own beauty. If you are currently going through the struggle of abandoning or leaving a certain relationship behind, this article is right here for you.

Back when we were still students, every time summer came, it always brought us a melancholic parting when we had to be away from our teachers and friends. Even if it was just for a short three-month period, the temporary separation, marked by the school year closing ceremony, always made us, as children, sentimental and nostalgic. However, from a different perspective, summer is also a season of energy, travel, bonding, and joyful, exciting family vacations!

So there it is. Everything always has two parallel sides; the difference lies in our choice of perspective, yours and mine.

Returning to the topic of “Abandonment,” one of the inspirations that prompted me to write this new Truly Inspired article is the fact that recently many young customers have approached me due to the fractures and ruptures they find within their romantic relationships. I no longer believe everything is merely a coincidence, yet perhaps the universe is urging me to share and assist others, using the very words through which they might not have the opportunity to personally seek my counselling.

Abandoning, in the context of this article, signifies distancing oneself, severing connections, or even bidding farewell to a particular relationship in life. When someone has reached the point of wanting to leave another person, most often it is because they have endured excessive pain, attacks, and suffering inflicted by the other party. Only a small fraction involves relationships ending due to more objective reasons, without causing psychological harm. However, in the majority of cases, when individuals choose to leave, it means they no longer wish to endure further.

I once heard a saying like this: Leaving someone is an easy task. However, it is only easy at the moment of departure, as afterwards, if you still have love for that one person, your heart will continue to endure the pain and regret for that emotional connection.

I also know that in this life, there are countless determined hearts that choose to leave someone, but then persist in suffering, shedding tears, and longing for a period of time they once shared with them.

Did you know? Those emotions, those feelings, are highly necessary. They are the materials that you must experience, irreplaceable. Regardless of who you are, when faced with the situation of having to abandon something or someone, you will encounter those emotions. The intensity and duration, whether short or long, will depend on you, and at this very moment, abandonment begins to hold meaning for you.

Why do I assert that every departure carries its own significance and beauty?

It is simple, first and foremost, because of my own experiences. I, too, am a girl who has had moments of anguish after abandoning relationships that I once wholeheartedly loved and nurtured. I have endured prolonged pain in my heart when deciding to let go of affectionate connections, only to realise that I had hurt and not cherished my own sincerity.

You see, the girl of that time, marked with traces of sadness, disappointment, and the difficulties of life, has grown so much from then until today. She has become more beautiful, happier, and more content with her loved ones by her side. Occasionally, she still reminisces a bit about the past, and smiles with immeasurable gratitude. For she understands that without the vulnerable and gentle Nga Hồ of the past, there would not be the strong and resilient Nga Hồ of the present. As certain as it could be.

Next, there are the people around me. They may be family, loved ones, or even my customers, or someone I get to know even though not intimately.

I once knew a woman who experienced domestic violence, unemployment, and had nothing in her hands except for her talent in baking delicious cakes and exceptional cooking skills. After a painful ten-year marriage, I now see her happy with a life as a pastry chef, with hundreds of thousands of followers on social media. The woman who used to toil in the kitchen early in the morning, wearing only worn-out sleepwear, can now confidently stand in front of the camera, radiantly beautiful, answering interviews about her baking classes and her own beautiful pastry brand.

I also knew a young girl who, one evening, stood in the common area of an apartment building, crying loudly and in immense pain after receiving the breakup message from her boyfriend of ten years, whom she had been with since the age of 16. That young man appeared during the most beautiful ten years of her youth, filled with countless memories and happiness. They grew up together, only for him to suddenly leave one day, saying he no longer had feelings for her. However, today, that young girl can find joy every day in her clothing store business, in her travels to various places, alongside a loving husband who accompanies her on every journey, from work to life itself.

I also know the story of another girl who once suffered while being caught in the role of the third person, always standing behind the happiness of others, experiencing the pain of not being able to blame anyone but herself for choosing to venture into such a dusty dead-end. The girl once embraced hope, waiting for the married man to divorce his wife so that he could come to her with honour and dignity. However, in the end, that man decided to return to his family, his kind wife and sweet child, leaving her lonely and lost amidst the judgement and reproach of society…

I do not intend to defend or justify her choice to be the third person, because it could be an experience for her to understand that her happiness is not something to be taken away from others or from another family. There will always be someone beside her, building happiness together, and that person will be exclusively for her, not the happiness waiting behind someone else’s back. The departure of that man, and the hardships, gossip, and ill-intentioned criticism she had to endure after others found out, awakened the girl. Now, after many years, she has begun to find happiness for herself with a good job, a good place to live, and everything achieved through her own efforts, without relying on or expecting the care of anyone else. Perhaps it is truly great that she has paid the price for the impetuosity of youth. Perhaps she should also be grateful for the departure of her lover, as it gave her an escape, a chance to live as herself, with the values and goodness she deserves in life.

Once, there was another love story. Two young individuals fell in love for a few years, but eventually, accumulated conflicts became insurmountable for them. They chose to leave each other, escaping from each other’s lives due to the wounds inflicted on both sides. And you know, after each person returned to their own lives, they embraced those wounds in their own ways. Over the years, the wounds healed, and they came to understand many things. Until one day, by chance, they crossed paths again. That connection had the opportunity to blossom once more. Now, they have a lovely child and have built a joyful, understanding, and loving family.

In a sense, my dear friend, abandonment also carries the semblance of goodness and benevolence, from a certain perspective.

We will come to understand that abandonment is for each person to learn their own lessons, as a way of inner growth, learning to live independently while still maintaining a passionate heart and a loving soul for those who come after us, as well as for others around us.

Being able to abandon something is a lifelong lesson that we must learn, not just in any specific phase. It involves abandoning relationships and circumstances that constantly make us feel hurt, unappreciated, so that we can bring happiness to those who deserve it and learn to value ourselves. However, you must truly “learn,” thoroughly explore every corner of your heart, in order to see the beauty or the gift that “Abandonment” leaves behind for you.

My dear friend, I also have some more words I want to send to you:

If you are in a phase where you want to leave someone, first, sit down in a calm state. Look at all things that have come towards your direction, evaluate everything that has happened in that relationship from beginning to end, and ask yourself:
– Have I truly exerted my utmost effort? Are there any regrets or unfulfilled aspirations in this relationship?
– Is there still a possibility to salvage or nurture this relationship? 
– Why do you want to continue with the other person? Is it possible to have a truly sober, objective conversation like two friends regarding this matter? 
– Or are we too focused on prioritising our own egos over the love we have for each other?

Do you find these questions to have similar meanings? Because, when we change the way we ask questions to ourselves, our thinking and emotions will also undergo different shifts. After answering all of those questions, if we arrive at the same answer, that is when you find unity within your soul! As a result, your decision at this point will also be more accurate and reasonable.

After finding the answers for yourself, you may choose to completely abandon and leave everything behind, or perhaps you may choose to stay and continue developing that relationship for the better. However, whatever the outcome, always remember never to make decisions when your mind is fully controlled by emotions, my dear friend!
Here is another quote that I find quite meaningful for you: “Within that sublime love of humans, there is never space for ego.”
The same can be applied to your emotional connections. Abandonment and departure will always occur if your or the other person’s ego appears too frequently, surpassing the number of times you have expressed love for each other. Remember this, my dear friend!

Much love,
Truly Inspired®