WHAT IS THE LIMIT OF LOVE?

Do you know why when a woman is cheated on by her lover for the first time, it surely will happen again the second time? Or, why do so many couples break up a great many times because of the same problem, but they still return to each other just to then break up again, more specifically, returning to make each other suffer more?

Today, I have a very special coaching session. The special part was that the client’s problem is not a rare situation, but it was a very common problem in today’s society. However, my client’s way of handling the problem has many points that perhaps, when you hear it, you will be quite surprised.

My client was a 27-year-old girl who is a professional makeup artist. Not only that, but she also has a very nice physique with beautiful curves that I believe, if you see her in jeans and an open-neck t-shirt, you would be surprised by her extremely elegant but very eye-catching beauty. She came to me after a period full of love crises with the person she thought no one would be as good and could pamper her dearly as that man. However, it was that person who left her with a greater emotional shock than all her previous relationships combined.

The girl and her lover met through a dating app, and their first time meeting was through an ONS – “one night stand” type of relationship. At that time, both were single. Ever since that meet-up, they began to be interested in each other and became lovers for more than a year. After knowing their partner for a short time, the girl moved into her boyfriend’s apartment and lived with him.

You know, it is very common for two mature people, who bond well, choose to live together even though they are not married. Nevertheless, when I asked the girl why she chose to move in with that man after only such a short time of deciding, do you know how she replied?

• “Oh, I found that very normal, because I see him as a good friend of mine. It is not unusual for friends who love and care for each other to move in together, just like I used to live with my (female) friend. That is all.”

Although I had “read” the girl’s mind via email, a straightforward, simple, and innocent thinker, despite being nearly 30 years old who had children before, her direct answer that day almost made me laugh. She was truly innocent and carefree, my friend!

However, after hearing this answer, do you have any thoughts? If yes, then after reading this article, remember to share your thoughts in the comment section to let me know! Now let’s continue reading.

After living together for about 6 months, it was a canon event when they began to have conflicts, quarrels, and disagreements like any other couple. Nevertheless, the climax of the story was that while the girl was angry and went to her best friend’s house to sleep for one night, she accidentally discovered that her boyfriend had texted, talked, and flirted with lots of other girls. Once, her boyfriend forgot to log out of a social media site when using her laptop, therefore she laid down and followed all of his flirting conversations that night.

She shared that, at that moment, she cried a lot and felt hurt, as her anger was just a small fraction of it. When she decided to leave, the man did not hold on at all; conversely, after she departed, he started seeking new joys without a care for her sadness. However, when she unveiled this truth to her boyfriend, he wholeheartedly apologised and admitted that her departure had saddened him. He confessed he was merely looking for someone to talk to for fun, and nothing beyond that had transpired.

After listening to her boyfriend’s “presentation”, she forgave him, ignored the incident, and did not continue to trace back the problem. They returned to each other and continued to enjoy the following sweet days, even when deep inside of her, it sometimes still throbbed up doubts because of the thoughts about his past, but then, she discarded them because she was afraid of being overly suspicious.

After a brief period of happiness, they started to fight again. This time, they argued very intensely. She cried a lot and ran away from home again during a night full of torrential rain. The following morning, she was very much looking forward to the apology text or missed call from her boyfriend as usual, yet, nothing happened.

That afternoon, she had a makeup appointment for a client, but when she got so angry the night before, she left without her makeup equipment. Therefore, at noon, she took a car back to their shared house. At this point, her boyfriend had gone out. She went into the bedroom and carried her makeup suitcase on the nightstand, then you know what happened? She suddenly stopped and felt a quick goosebump that flashed through her body. She felt like she just passed through something!

A used condom!

Her hands trembled as she picked up the condom and could not believe in her eyes! Judging by the condition of the item, it was probably just being used in the morning or at least last night – the night when she left…

Being shocked in tears and heart aching, a very uncomfortable feeling rolled up in her stomach causing her to collapse and start gasping… She had sat there for a long time with a damaged heart and hundreds of questions swirling around in her head. Then, without hesitation, she took her phone to take pictures of the “evidence” and packed all her belongings in the house. She decided to leave. She pressed the send button, sent the picture, and said goodbye to her boyfriend emphatically.

Then, you would have already been able to guess without me saying right? That girl was immersed in a series of miserable days of abandoning herself, not wanting to meet anyone, nor wanting to eat properly. Until today, after long days of being immersed in the feeling of having no energy, she decided to have a meet-up with me – after one time accidentally reading the article “Leaving” on the Truly Inspired page.

My dear friend, after reading everything I shared above, what do you think?
Was that girl pitiful?
Was that girl to be blamed? Did she not have any self-values?
It was just an ONS relationship, why so tragic?
She… was stupid?!

I know, you will have a lot of different reviews, opinions, and thoughts about the situation that my client had gone through. However, no matter what you think, let’s calm down and listen to the problem a little more generally.

Let’s slightly discuss why it was just an ONS relationship but this woman was suffering after finding out the truth about a boyfriend like him: That is because he was someone with the traits that she truly wants in her lover! After a lot of not-so-happy previous relationships with people who have big fortunes and high social status, her boyfriend at that time was the one who always showed little care, willing to cook for her, massage her legs after a long exhausting working day, etc. Each of those little acts of service made her think he is the right person for her. However, indeed, nothing is certain, whether one has good qualities, suitable for marriage, their personality or mindset about love and marriage may not match hers.

Nevertheless, I will not continue to focus on my client’s story or discuss the other man. What I want you to focus on here is: Why was she having such a problem?

From my perspective, firstly, from the beginning, the woman’s mindset when deciding to move in with her boyfriend was not clear enough. If you have considered moving in together, that means both sides have truly wanted to know each other more seriously. Nevertheless, you see, she moved in because she thought he was just like another friend of hers – it is fun to just move in and live happily with your close friends! There was no mental preparation for unexpected situations, nor was she emitting any seriousness about this situation.

It was the unclear perspective of her from the beginning when deciding to cohabit that made their love quickly come to a dead end. That is because even though choosing to live together is sometimes just for the two people to figure out whether they could understand and tolerate each other better when facing many unexpected events or contrasting life perspectives or not, no matter what, both sides should have certain agreements with their partner, to show seriousness and respect for that relationship.

The second point I want to mention here is the limit of the woman in love.

It was also because at first, she just moved in to live happily with her lover as friends, so she “innocently” entered a shared life, living together as a married couple without making any “Declaration for Love” at all, causing her boyfriend to take things lightly and unseriously, let alone even think about spending a lifetime with her.

The “Declaration of Love” that I am talking about here is the limit of love that both sides need to agree on and respect. That is, no matter what happens, there will always be rules that both parties cannot surpass the set limit.

It is normal for a couple that is in love to get angry at each other and argue. However, the woman did not choose to face the problem in the fight and solve it, yet every time she argued, she came over to sleep at her best friend’s house. This is highly undesirable in a relationship, even if you are just trying to cohabit. Your walking away with anger shows that you do not want to face it and give up. Even when you leave, you expect the other person to beg you to stay, or run to you and pick you up. However, like my client, after the first time she got into an argument, she left and no one begged her back or picked her up. Then again, for the second time, she behaved the same, so the result was no different. It was even worse than the first time.

Therefore, because there were no limits – rules not to be crossed in the first place, so after the first argument, her boyfriend immediately looked elsewhere to fill his sadness with flirting with other people. By the second time, he had widened that limit with almost no respect for his girlfriend when doing something wrong behind her back, right in the house they both live in!

Love originally has no geographical or emotional limits, but there is always a limit to how two people behave with each other. Certain limits are like an invisible string so that the other partner, whether male or female, will understand that if they go beyond a certain limit, they are bringing that love or marriage to a dead end. At the same time, setting limits is also a way to remind ourselves that: living or loving, both require us to have our dignity.

Dignity is a limit that no one is allowed to surpass because this will help define who you are in that love relationship, making the other person implicitly understand that you need to be respected and loved properly. Otherwise, you will leave!

In love, if there are enough genuine, true feelings, we will not need to set up too many rules just to eventually make the relationship become cliché and formulaic. However, you must agree with each other in terms of perspective in life, in love, and the limits of both, if you truly want a long-term relationship and a quality partner!

No matter what, I still hope that no one will have to go through similar unhappy events as my client. Remember the story I shared with you today my friend!

Much love,
Truly Inspired