HOW TO LOVE SOMEONE WHO IS “NOT QUITE LOVEABLE?”

If you have read my previous article “Should sweetness be discontinued?” and witnessed the sweet and adorable emotions that I and my loved ones have for each other, then in this article, there will be a “turning point” with very different perspectives and thought-provoking questions that “we” have for each other.

Although the questions were quite tricky and sometimes even a bit harsh, thanks to these “hidden aspects,” I have more opportunities to discover interesting things, and exploit more sources of motivation to help myself become more mature, more open-minded, and finally “answer” to the challenging questions of my relatives and loved ones. I often call these moments “brain-wrecking but interesting confrontations.”

As you know, my job is just like Truly Inspired’s mission, which is to inspire people to have positivity in life, and this is also a very authentic lifestyle that I want to share with you all. Especially some favourable benefits, along with different perspectives in life. Therefore, if you pay attention, you will see that every Truly Inspired’s article always shows the colours of positivity as much as possible. That is because I always want people who read my articles or listen to my podcasts, to be given fresh energy, and to be “fully charged” to have enough strength and confidence for continuing their work or life.

However, you know what? Sometimes, I receive questions that are somewhat challenging or sarcastic from my own loved ones and dear ones about what I am doing. For example, when I say that if I happen to encounter someone whose behaviour is not particularly endearing, you should still try to find one or a few endearing qualities about them. This will make it easier for you to forgive them when they do something wrong to you.

When I told my friend the same thing as above, they immediately asked, “Wow, so what about the people who truly do not have any lovable or likeable features? How can you love them? Tell me, Na?”

It was not only this but there were many more challenging questions than this one!
However, I find it still okay though, I still can deal with it.
Do you wonder why I can say such a thing? It is simply because I have encountered and experienced such problems before, and they were even more horrible and annoying as they affected not only me but also my whole family, even hurting my loved ones.

I will tell you a little bit about a story of mine, but I will not go deep into the situation or name those characters who contributed to bringing roughness into my life!

Do you remember the old days when we were in school, those “gangs” that we used to play? There would always be some students in the class or the school who were “bullied by the gang,” “bad-mouthed by the gang,” or “excluded by the gang.” The most severe was perhaps being “accused of being in a gang” by teachers in front of classmates or being “scolded as a gang member” by parents in front of many relatives.

By then, surely everyone will experience sadness, crying, and even embarrassment! I have experienced those before, and it truly felt very horrible back then. Especially when my parents scolded or spanked me in front of other people, it was such a shame. However, now that I am older when thinking back to it, I think those were just funny memories of when I was in school. At least times when I was beaten up by a whip only left tiny scratches on my skin.

Nonetheless, different from when I was a kid, the older I get, the more I see that, although people do not use any tools to hit me, their words sometimes hurt me a lot deep down inside!

Last year, I was suddenly involved in a story that I did not think the person, who was being targeted in gossip, dramas, and made-up rumours, was me. I will simply call those people who made up rumours and stabbed me behind my back “not quite lovable” people.

Those not-quite-lovable people have created a completely false story to pressure and bring me down as a group. When this happened, being a person who understands and practices living mindfully, I promptly balanced my mind and thought as positively as possible. However, those not-quite-lovable people made another move, engaging my family members in the drama – people I love the most!

If it were the old me, I could easily overlook and disregard any wrongdoing done to me. But when it comes to my parents or any of my loved ones, I will fight to the end to bring justice! I believe this is a common sentiment shared by many people in such situations, don’t you think?

However, at that time, I had to try to keep my emotions under control and came to two teachers who I truly respect to ask for advice, hoping they will teach me how to solve everything as easily as possible.

Nonetheless, each teacher did not show me any solutions, except for two pieces of advice:

• You must be grateful to them.
• Try to find and write down 10 reasons to love these people. You must state all those reasons.

That is all! Nothing more or less. How stressful was that?
Looking for 10 reasons to love those not-quite-lovable people? What should I do?

And you know what, I went back, spent exactly three days contemplating and genuinely searching for something endearing in those people! But it was truly challenging because at that time, I had a lot of feelings of discomfort and resentment when they approached my loved ones!

If you were in my shoes, what would you do?

During three days of intense contemplation, there were moments when I couldn’t find the answer. However, afterward, a thought sparked in my mind: if I couldn’t find cuteness in the situation, then I should seek the “values” that I have gained from this experience and from those individuals, and ignite a sense of gratitude. Let’s give it a try!

Indeed, after changing my mindset, I immediately realised a message: they are the antagonistic messengers “sent” to help me understand myself better and the values that I can contribute to life. So, I gradually let go of discomfort and resentment!

Not stopping there, I began to see those first factors to find them lovable and be grateful, such as:

• When looking back at the map of my life, I realised that these not-quite-lovable people are the “benefactors” who helped me become so determined to bring Truly Inspired to life! Thanks to them, I have truly “torn the cocoon”, became more mature, and become brave enough to boldly reach out to this life!

• I also realise that knowledge, understanding, and living mindfully are extremely important things. Thanks to the combination of this trio, I have the strength to face the problem and understand why others act the way they do. From then, it helps me feel that I can “take the blow” better from unexpected “punches” that those people throw at me. As I constantly expand my knowledge and apply the mindful lifestyle, I see who they are more clearly and understand how mindsets work.

• I have a better understanding that, the busier people are preparing plans to bring me down, the more I have to be conscious enough and use all my calmness to reassure my loved ones. Use your positive energy to protect your loved ones, help them become mentally stable, and hold each other’s hands to overcome difficulties.

• As my understanding became deeper, I focused on my inside more and started to build stronger inner strength. I am well aware that they are just messengers.

• Another additional point for them was that thanks to their contributions in helping me to increase my self values, and enrich my experiences, later in life, I can use those values to help others more!

In three days, I successfully picked up at least five valuable things that “being bullied in groups” has brought to me.

Alas, It was not over yet. Thanks to that incident, I also felt the sincere affection of my loved ones for me and how protective, and loyal they always were to me

Without those adorable little mishaps, I would never have realised how much I needed to expand my knowledge to this extent! My intellect would not have been elevated, and my mind would not have grown brighter! As a result, my inner strength has multiplied, allowing me to quickly help clients solve their problems without relying too heavily on external tools, thus reducing the costs they have to bear. This is also one of the things that I am deeply passionate about!

From those hard-earned lessons, I have gained a broader perspective and accumulated valuable experiences that make it easier for me to empathise with others.

My dear friend, all these experiences and lessons are so precious to me! That is because choosing to become a professional Coach requires me to have truly directly experienced and deeply understood life. I have taken another step on the journey of sharing, understanding, and helping others!

Through my life lessons, I believe that you have been able to find the suitable answer to the question “How to love someone who is “not quite lovable,” which is:

There will always be people who no matter how hard we seek for goodness in them, we would still not be able to find any good features. However, if we focus on the values they bring to us through these bad experiences, we will find that they are also lovable and feel easier to empathise with their unsavoury actions.

In this world, there would not be many people who are fond of playing the role of villains in your life to give you more motivation and become better. If someone has already accepted this role, then remember to be grateful to them!

These are the life lessons that I have experienced to love not quite lovable people. If you have a better way, feel free to comment below to share your experiences with us!

Much love,
Truly Inspired