“IT IS UNFORTUNATE THAT THE WAY YOU LOVE ME IS NOT THE WAY I WANTED IT TO BE!”

This is one of the trendiest quotes on social networks recently. A romantic personality inside me always leads me to such a topic related to love between couples, especially when it comes to the love lives of young people these days. Observing how they love and mature, or suffer and then realize the lesson life has given them, always helps me remember all the paths I have crossed throughout my past.

Throughout the journey of discovery, I was very happy to discover an interesting fact: somewhere in this world, there already is a group of youngsters who have begun to understand their desires and values when confronting love.

They have begun to realize that, at some stage in life, they will have to go through situations such as: feeling alone in an empty room, wiping away tears silently while driving or sitting in a public bus, or even crying their eyes out while sitting by the beach. One of these things will only happen to you most when you are in your early 20s or 25s, or sometimes it could be when you are 30, or 35 years old – the threshold that people often call “youth”. All of these things, when occurring in our lives, are normal and necessary!

Recently, I had a session with a 33-year-old male client. He was preparing to start a family with his girlfriend after 5 years of dating. However, he suddenly came to me for advice on whether to marry that girl or not, and at the same time asked me if the way he shows his love to his lover is right or wrong.

A 33-year-old guy with a decent income, not too young or naive to think that love is everything in his life anymore, but still came to me for advice about his upcoming marriage, and ways of showing his love. This made me realize that: we humans, at any age, no matter how much we have experienced, sometimes are still not truly conscious enough of our things. We will always need someone, reliable or unfamiliar enough to seek advice. Besides, I also see honesty and an emotional lifestyle, but also rational and mature thoughts in that man’s mind.

Why do I say that?
It is simple. When facing problems before marriage, such as arguments and disagreements with girlfriends (which may have been pent-up for years), he did not choose to get drunk as a way to relieve all the stress, or find another girl to “confide in”, but to find a Coach who is unfamiliar enough, who has an objective point of view and experienced enough in terms of psychology, or has enough “life experience” to be able to give him proper advice, neither defending nor forcing and influencing his personal views and important decisions.

Through what he shared, I understood the “hidden corners” and “silent confessions” of their relationship. Being a quiet, introverted person, it still does not mean he does not know how to communicate, because, through the work he was doing, I knew he can communicate, understand things very well, and is also a man of action, which is why he would be a little bit dry, lack of romance in love. Nonetheless, because he does not say sweet words often, he chose to take care of his girlfriend with actions. He observed what his lover needs, such as what his girlfriend would usually prefer eating when hungry, how his girlfriend acts, and how childish she would be when feeling angry.

He also said that, during these 5 years of the relationship, there were only 2 times he threw a surprise party for his girlfriend. One was on her birthday, the other time was just him suddenly feeling the urge of wanting his girlfriend to be happy. Just that. On other normal days, he would be cooking dishes that she likes, or sometimes order online or take her out to buy some personal items or shoes if he saw any of them were damaged. On the other hand, the girl was someone who likes unexpected romance, likes to have her lover show her affection in public, is gallant, and says loving words to her every day. Of course, she did these things to him too, with the same care and concern as any other loving couple.

However, being a dry person who is always afraid to express his feelings, it took the man a lot of effort to hold his girlfriend’s hand in public. In general, he still met a few of his girlfriends’ standards. Nevertheless, deep down in his mind, he thought to himself that, if you love each other, you do not need to show it to the whole world as the most important thing is that when the two of you are together, you can do something useful for your girlfriend, and how you treat your girlfriend’s family?

He also said: “To be honest, maybe my girlfriend has not felt safe enough, not being loved by words enough, but for me, everything has to be done with consistent actions, and that is all I have, as well as I can do for her.”

Dear friend, what do you think about this story?

Will you side with the man or his girl? Who do you think is right or wrong in these relationship perspectives?

For me, after all, no one was wrong. It was just “The way you love me is not the way I want you to”, that is all! Here, I do not want to add the word “unfortunate” anymore, because this is not something to regret, but an experience for all of us on how to love and accept the person we love. That is because after accepting and understanding, you will always see how much love the other person has for you!

Just like the two young people in the above story, they have always loved each other for the past 5 years. It was just different ways of expressing their love. The girlfriend prefers the man to show loving gestures and words more while he likes to protect, take care and provide for her in the most practical way possible. The love between them still exists, it was just that they did not “love” how the other treated them, and this has caused the two of them to often have problems with each other.

I think it is not only those two people but almost all of us could fall into such a state in love, and even in marriage. We often have the will to “manipulate” or influence, and have impacts on the actions and thoughts of the other person, so that they do our will. Moreover, from there, suffering is born due to others not doing what you want!

My friend, that might not be love!
Love is not only coming from emotion but also from consciousness, too.
To have understanding and sympathy, always put yourself in others’ shoes to be becoming more positive, and more independent, to be able to realize their worth, and always strive to build up each other’s dreams. Moreover, when combined, while each person is very happy, the happiness, and fulfillness will be doubled for each other!

Like the man in the story above who has been letting his girlfriend develop according to her wishes, doing what she likes, and experiencing everything freely, he is always beside her when she is fulfilling her dream. If something goes wrong, he would always be by her side and fix it until everything is alright together!

I hope you will be like that, too. Not only in love, but also in our family, or with the people around us.

Let the people around us feel free to develop love the way they want, because we also need to be more mature in our ways, right?

Much love,
Truly Inspired®