BEING A WIFE

– “I am grateful for having such a loving and caring husband who supports me unconditionally, who always listens and embraces all of my emotions, even during challenging times.”
– “I am grateful for having a husband who is constantly supportive and accompanies me, as well as wholeheartedly supports my dreams.”
– “I am grateful for having a husband who always remains composed in the face of my toughest questions, seeking solutions for them all. Moreover, he continually strives to improve himself each day, simply hoping for the happiness of his beloved wife.”
– “I am thankful that my husband always allows me space to regain emotional balance, yet never fails to tuck me in and fix my hair before sleep, letting me know that he is always here by my side!”
– “I am grateful to have a husband who always apologises, even when sometimes it is not even his fault.”
And so much more…

Upon reading the last line of the preceding paragraphs, you might think that while writing those lines, I was in a serene state, situated in a small room, lit by a flickering scented candle, composing a grateful diary entry, wouldn’t you? 

If you genuinely believe that… not at all!

While writing these lines, I am in the process of trying to regain my composure after a heated argument due to differing viewpoints with my husband!

As I have shared in many previous articles, you probably know that I am always loved and cherished by my husband. However, being a normal woman, I cannot avoid moments when emotions surge, especially when the person who makes me angry is the same person I just held dear and kissed moments ago!

The greatest fortune in my life perhaps lies in the opportunity to learn and become a Coach. Through the practice of mindfulness, attentive listening, observation, and empathy, I have gained better control over my emotions. I have reduced instances of jumping to conclusions, shouting, or displaying a condescending attitude towards anyone who disagrees with me. However, I must admit that with my spouse, I still retain a hint of stubbornness and may become angrier compared to others.

Today, I will take a moment to “chat” with you about the matters concerning our married life, okay?

If people were to judge from the outside, they would probably always think that we get along harmoniously, never argue, and always make each other happy and full of love. Well, that is partially true, but not entirely.

To compare our relationship with any imagery, it might be like the sun and the moon, my dear! There are times when we oppose each other tremendously, and I believe that without kindness, mindfulness, and immense love for each other, we could have ended up in a situation of separation like many other couples.

As a person who is naturally quick, agile, and also meticulous, I still find my spouse even more meticulous than me on several occasions, to the point where his excessive precision and carefulness sometimes make me feel slightly uncomfortable. It is his meticulous nature that makes him approach different tasks with caution, slowly and deliberately. This often leads to situations where I am in a rush while he would take more time to double-check and review things.

And do you know the plight of a husband whose wife works as a Coach? It is when conflicts and disagreements arise, and when I get upset, I start using extremely harsh and probing questions to engage with my spouse. There are even questions that leave my spouse stunned, speechless, and unable to respond at all!

Did you see it? It is not true that a happy family will never have any issues or conflicts with one another, and our family is an example of that. We also have our share of difficulties, arguments, blame games, and even some heated debates that stray far from the original problem.

However, fortunately, when I become so frustrated like that, I retreat to my bedroom or the restroom, sit down, and make an effort to calm myself and start writing down the things I appreciate about my husband. At that moment, I realised that this whole time I have been playing the wrong role! I immediately came to the understanding that no matter what happens, no matter who I am, when I return to my family, to my husband, I should only fulfil the rightful role of a wife. I must always respect, love, and refrain from applying the role of a Coach or the role of a leader in my work onto my husband.

I understand and acknowledge the mistake that many other women, including myself, are likely to encounter: When we step outside, we, as women, are capable of handling any position with the same strength as men. We can be bosses, leading numerous employees. However, once we leave the workplace, we should only focus on being ourselves within our families, with our rightful roles, responsibilities, and self-love.

Perhaps, this is also a contributing factor to the breakdown of many families when the wife holds a managerial position or occupies a high-level leadership role in an organisation. This is because we tend to bring the “authority” and work style from our company and apply it onto our interactions with our spouse. During those times, it is highly likely that we may utter words that inflict damage to the sense of self-worth and the love that the other person has for us. Especially, if you marry a husband whose financial capability is slightly lower than yours, such situations are even more likely to occur.

Even when we are fortunate enough to have for ourselves a husband who can dote on and respect us endlessly, who always protects and cares for us, we must remember not to exceed the boundaries in the husband-wife relationship, whether through thoughts or actions!

As I write this, I am reminded of a time when my younger sister from the Truly Inspired team asked me, “Sister, when talking with your husband, do you normally use honorifics or respectful terms? Because I see you as a strong and very independent person, so I somehow wonder.”

I burst into laughter, saying, “Oh my, yes! With my husband, I am always the ‘little wife,’ the adorable and lovable one who always speaks politely and sweetly, the cutest person on Earth, my dear!”

Perhaps, it is thanks to those “adorable” interactions between my spouse and me that our overall household atmosphere is still very joyful and harmonious when we are together. In order to achieve this, I always have a little secret. Let me share it with you right away!

Whenever I feel “fueled”, frustrated, or annoyed with my husband, I make an effort to find a quiet place and start jotting down the things I am grateful for about him on that particular day, or the things my husband does for me every day in various situations.

There is no need to seek something grandiose to write about; simplicity suffices. For instance, this morning he helped me hang the laundry, cooked breakfast, or took our child to school. He even allowed me to sleep in a bit longer due to staying up late last night, or I could express my gratitude for the warm cup of water he gave me while I was engrossed in my work and forgot to drink some water, etc. Or perhaps, even the small act of organising the dirty clothes into the correct hamper every time I take them off, he knows it truly saves me the trouble of searching, and so much more.

When you write everything down like this, you will discover numerous tiny, adorable wonders that softly infiltrate your heart, bringing a profound sense of tranquillity. You will begin to compare and realise that the things your spouse does in this marriage are far greater than the recent anger-inducing mistake they made. You will always find that love surpasses any differences of opinion that may cause arguments between the two of you!

Furthermore, during the process of “expressing gratitude” towards your spouse, you also refrain from directing your attention towards hurtful words towards each other, while at the same time not creating any opportunity for you to exceed your boundaries and roles within the family. As a result, the two people find it easier to reconcile with each other compared to engaging in fiery arguments, tearful outbursts, or leaving home. Those spoiled moments of joy will linger with you for a long time, and if, after a series of unfortunate events, you suddenly realise your own faults, it becomes very difficult to admit your mistakes or make your husband easily forget the things you have caused.

Returning to the lines of gratitude written above about my husband. After the negative emotions subsided and I enumerated the things I was grateful for about my husband, I felt my heart melt. Although, as a habit, I did not apologise to my husband (and it is funny how he also knows me so well in this regard), when I returned to the bedroom, I saw that he had already arranged the pillows as usual. All I had to do was lie down, embrace my husband, and sleep soundly until the morning. Upon waking up, my heart was still joyful, and my husband continued to shower me with love and affection.

In the role of a businesswoman and a leader, I deeply understand that strong, independent, and resolute traits occasionally present challenges when transitioning back to the role of a wife. However, if we take a moment to slow down and allocate a small portion of time to acknowledge and appreciate our husband’s “contributions” with overflowing gratitude, I believe you will quickly be able to adjust your behaviour and attitude towards your husband. Simultaneously, you will ignite even more love for that companion of yours.

In addition, this does not apply only to family members. If we apply gratitude and acknowledge the positive aspects of all our relationships, whether they are work-related or with friends, even with those who may not be very lovable, we will foster a compassionate and loving mindset. Perhaps then, we will always live in peace, happiness, and serenity as we navigate through life, don’t you think so?

To sum up, being a wife and the secret to happiness is that even when the husband and wife have unequal incomes, the wife should not exceed the limits and get out of the roles of herself when interacting with her husband. I know that it is not easy to apply, but it would not hurt giving things a try! You may be able to find out that perhaps you are a very happy woman whom you have not realised until now!

Much love,
Truly Inspired