HOW MUCH MONEY IS ENOUGH FOR SCHOOL?

In the course of accompanying many parenting cases, this question is one of the factors that leaves parents deeply perplexed, whether their families are relatively well-off or less fortunate.

This dilemma is quite understandable, for families with limited means often fear that if their child goes to school without any money in their pockets, they might be looked down upon by their peers, or the child may feel ashamed in front of their friends. However, these parents are also unsure about how much is enough to allow their children to enjoy themselves with their friends. In more affluent households, parents struggle with not providing enough for their children, for fear of them missing out, but also with giving too much, which might foster a sense of entitlement. This matter becomes even more crucial when dealing with teenagers. Generally speaking, almost all parents grapple with this concern, yet few find a comprehensive solution due to various different reasons.

I am also a mother, currently raising a teenager, and I, myself, experience the intersection of two different cultural backgrounds from my homeland and my current place of residence; therefore, I place great emphasis on finding effective ways to address the issue of school expenses for my daughter.

I understand that each family has different cultural backgrounds, educational philosophies, and financial situations, hence in this article, I will not provide a specific figure regarding how much money to give to a child for school expenses. However, based on my personal observations and experiences, along with the situations of families I am acquainted with, there are still heartwarming ways that some families handle giving money to their children for school expenses, both those with financial means and those with less. Combined with my personal experiences, let me share a couple of stories to provide you with some insights and alleviate your concerns about this issue!

There is a family I know, quite well-off and wealthy, who frequently travel abroad several times a year. The husband runs a successful business, while the wife works as an ordinary office employee. Their teenage daughter, after school hours, takes on part-time jobs at places catering to teenagers. She has been working for quite some time now, and she uses the money she earns to pay for extra classes in subjects she is passionate about and to cover her personal expenses without needing to ask her parents for money. What is particularly noteworthy about this girl is that, despite her part-time work, she continues to excel in her studies and maintains strong friendships at school.

Even though she was born into a well-off family, her parents do not grant her the freedom to spend money as she pleases, unlike many other families. Apart from educational expenses and a minimal, nearly zero, allowance for personal use, her parents refrain from giving her much money, and if she needs something, her parents will directly purchase it for her rather than handing her money. Fortunately, she never encounters peer pressure or discrimination related to finances, and there is no favouritism or social distinction among her friends, which allows her to feel comfortable at school even without a substantial amount of pocket money.

In these instances, it becomes apparent that withholding pocket money for discretionary spending does not significantly affect the child’s school relationships, popularity, or academic performance.

Although the young girl’s parents do not give her too much money, they have undoubtedly provided her with a solid and scientifically grounded mindset that suited her development. Encouraging independence and part-time work while she is still in school yields positive results, as it allows her to become more self-reliant and make her own decisions regarding her personal expenses, such as covering the costs of her favourite subjects. On one occasion, during a conversation with the girl’s mother, she revealed that after working part-time, her daughter expressed that although she enjoyed earning a little extra spending money, it was definitely a tough job, and as a result, she was determined to excel in her studies so that she could pursue higher-paying jobs in the future. The girl believed that by earning more, she could travel wherever she wanted without having to ask her parents for money.

Bingo! Hitting two birds with one stone, would you not agree?
Early exposure to part-time work not only helps the young girl appreciate the value of money but also understand how hard her parents have worked to earn it. Moreover, she can learn that to earn more and live a better life, she needs to excel better in her studies. As a result, from an early age, the young girl has become both self-reliant and diligent in her studies! Truly a remarkable achievement, am I right?

Overcoming pleasure is way more difficult than overcoming hardship. I understand that every parent wishes their child to be well-fed, have the means to study alongside their peers, and not lack anything; however, if you instil determination in your child from an early age and provide them with early motivation to strive, they will better manage their lives in the future. Children who grow up in difficult circumstances, although it is not easy, have only one thing to do if they want to improve their lives: strive. On the other hand, for those born with a silver spoon, parents have already provided them with an excellent foundation and still want them to surpass those conditions to live their own lives – this, in reality, is doubly challenging!

Teaching your child self-reliance from a young age is far better than laying out the red carpet for them to walk on, and sometimes, that red carpet may not even fit your child’s age. The things you provide to your child are not yet character and proper thinking; they might easily lead your child into the trap of thinking they “have it all,” that they do not need to worry or think much, and this can be quite dangerous.

Teaching your child independence through part-time work or helping them understand that if they want something, they have to work and diligently strive for it are the first steps that will positively impact your child’s thinking and future in a simple, economical, and prudent way.

Living without wastefulness is one of the rare skills among many young people in the current generation, as the times have evolved significantly compared to our generation. However, if you can instil this mindset in your child, they will undoubtedly be able to develop exceptionally well!

I also know of a family with modest financial means in my hometown who also has a daughter. However, unlike the profile of the girl in the first story, this girl, in this story, spends her days glued to her phone and demands items that are not age-appropriate, such as high-end clothing, fancy phones, and so on.

The family’s economic capacity is quite limited, yet the girl still insists on extravagant things; nonetheless, it may not be entirely her fault because whenever she expresses her desires, her parents consistently strive to fulfil her wishes.

I personally believe that this is not an ideal situation. Indulgence from parents can inadvertently trap the girl in a sweet illusion, causing her to believe her family is well-off without understanding her and her parents’ actual circumstances. Once small desires are met, inevitably, larger ones will follow. If parents cannot fulfil these new demands, it can lead to unfavourable situations such as the child stealing money, engaging in reckless behaviour, or feeling neglected and thinking that their parents no longer love and care for them, especially in families that subsequently have more children.

I understand that it is truly challenging for parents to make the best choice that balances their child’s sense of love and awareness of the family’s economic situation. I also acknowledge that every parent always wants the best for their child, hoping they can live comfortably and securely; nonetheless, at times, the “tough love” approach, guided by good reasoning, can offer better lessons. Provide your child with real-life experiences from a young age, teach them the meaning of self-sufficiency and how to earn money, and even if they are not old enough to work yet, you can create chores for them to do at home. They can do things like cleaning, folding clothes, making the bed, etc., and when they complete these tasks to a certain standard, they can receive a small reward, or, if they prefer, they can exchange it for pocket money. As they grow and become eligible to work part-time, you should then guide and accompany them, becoming their “consultant” for job choices, teaching them how to handle workplace situations appropriately, and so on.

Through these actions, your child will gain more life experiences. Do not think that giving your child a lot of money is what will make them excel academically and have many beloved friends. Like the story of the first girl I just shared. She is a truly admirable example that you should consider for your beloved child to experience. It is also a way to prevent your child from having the illusion that they have everything, when behind that illusion is you, the parent, “carrying the burden” of working painfully and earning money. Parents need to be vigilant not to let the “traps of love” they set destroy their child’s experiences in life!

Let your child live according to their actual life circumstances, with the conditions they currently have, and with what belongs to them without needing to wrap them in any glitter or material possessions. You should only accompany, guide, listen to their emotions, and share your experiences with them whenever they encounter issues. Excessive protection and catering may, in some cases, become a trap that keeps them cornered with lasting, hard-to-heal wounds.

I understand that some parents, due to their busy schedules, may want to use money to compensate for their absence and think that by doing so, their child will feel more fulfilled. I agree that money can provide many things for your child, but their childhood cannot be compensated for with any figure or material possession as much as the love and companionship of parents. No amount of money can buy back the childhood your child has lost! Therefore, to all the once lonely grown-ups! We should reduce our working hours to spend more time with our child and to understand them better.

And remember, a child’s abundance has never been in the money in their pocket; it is within the love in their heart, my dear friend!

Much love,
Truly Inspired