MEN AND KINDNESS

Do you know what true kindness in a man looks like?

Is it being generous and always conscious of helping those around him?
Is it making everyone feel happy whenever they are with him?
Or simply put, is it being truly aware of everything he does, while placing a strong sense of responsibility at the forefront of all his actions and interactions?

Well, I will save my personal answer for the end of this article! Because next, I am going to share with you two stories about two couples who do not know each other at all. However, four of them are all close friends of mine in real life.

These two stories involve four completely unrelated people in two different places, yet they share a common theme: the kindness of the men in both relationships significantly impacted their romantic lives.

From these two stories, I believe you will find the right answer to the question I posed at the beginning of this article.

First story
I will refer to the two characters in this story as A – the boyfriend, and B – the girlfriend.
A and B have been together for over five years, their relationship beginning when they were both young and started a business together. During those five years, their love remained strong, always treating each other with kindness and care, and perhaps the most special moments were when they shared every meal together, even a piece of bread, as they both poured all their energy into their startup, despite financial constraints.

At that time, B—the girlfriend, who is a close younger friend of mine—was very content and happy with the love A showed her. She always felt a sense of gentleness from him, a willingness to help those around him, and, above all, a certain level of pampering directed at her.

A was a kind, generous, and warm-hearted person in his relationships with others. Because of that, he was well-liked, and people always wanted him to be present at gatherings. However, do you know what? Sadly, A’s kindness often caused his girlfriend pain.

A kind person causing his girlfriend pain? It sounds so contradictory, right? Could it be that the girlfriend is overly sensitive, somewhat selfish, and unhappy when she sees her boyfriend being kind to others?

Not at all! Let me explain further:

She confided in me that her boyfriend’s constant priority of being kind to everyone around him often felt unnecessary to her. Although she made it clear multiple times that she did not oppose his kindness, she still hoped that he would still set certain boundaries, especially with women.

Based on what she observed, his kindness could easily be misunderstood by others as having romantic feelings for them, rather than the pure kindness he claimed. And you know what? Through the intuition of a woman in love, combined with some “unusual” behaviour from her boyfriend, my friend noticed that something was amiss. Therefore, she chose to subtly hint rather than directly pointing out to her boyfriend that his kindness towards others was entirely intentional and had a “personal” agenda, just as she sensed from his behaviour.

The peak moment came when both of them needed to attend a dinner party with some regular clients. However, that day, her boyfriend left her and she had to take a cab to the restaurant on her own, while he went ahead to pick up the clients by himself, mainly because there was someone quite special in the group – a woman who was well-liked by many due to her beauty and her reputation as someone who knew how to have fun and was willing to spend generously.

A few days prior, the boyfriend had made several attempts to show his sincerity towards this female client by calling and texting her almost throughout the day, even discussing her hobbies, going out of his way to find good dining spots, actively introducing her to many of his close friends and acquaintances, and he invited her to meet them, hoping she would connect with them; however, he had not even introduced his girlfriend to many of these same friends.

These actions often left my sister feeling puzzled and hurt. The truth is, this client-partner relationship was not close enough to warrant the boyfriend sharing so much beyond work matters. Honestly, if this was merely a professional relationship and if he truly cared about his girlfriend, then he should have brought her along to these client meetings or dinners! It is not unreasonable to introduce a client to interesting things or valuable connections if viewed from the perspective of proactive customer care, yet the real issue here is that he did not allow his girlfriend to accompany him, neither directly nor indirectly, even though this was a shared responsibility of theirs!

Back to that evening, when my friend arrived at the venue, she saw her boyfriend holding the female client’s handbag in one hand and her coat in the other, just because she was busy talking with other guests. This was something my friend had once hoped her boyfriend would do for her, but he had refused, thinking, “What kind of man carries a woman’s handbag?” However, that day, he did it for another woman, not for his girlfriend!

Not only that, he also eagerly pulled out a chair for the other woman to sit, while he neither held his girlfriend’s bag nor pulled out a chair for her. She had to find a seat on her own, choosing a spot farther away instead of sitting at the front, because she genuinely felt uncomfortable with her boyfriend’s behaviour. However, since she still needed to interact with many people, she forced herself to stay seated and fulfil her role. However, deep down, she was fully aware of and affected by what her boyfriend was doing.

Even though it was not the first time he had helped someone else, it was the first time she felt directly abandoned and deeply hurt because her boyfriend’s kindness seemed overly deliberate in trying to gain the attention and favour of the other woman. These actions clearly went beyond the bounds of a simple work-related partnership.

After that incident, my friend went home and told her boyfriend about how sad and disappointed she felt when she saw him behave that way. In response to her expectations, there was no comforting pat on the head, no embrace, and not even an apology from him. Instead, he simply brushed it off, saying it was perfectly normal and that she was overreacting! This was how her boyfriend tried to gloss over the “excesses” of his own behaviour!

Gradually, the balloon inside her inflated more each day, until one day it could not take it anymore and “burst.” Even during their arguments or when they eventually broke up, the boyfriend would often claim that she was too childish and could not distinguish between personal and shared matters, and he would always say that he loved only her; but the truth was, he did not realise that his actions often contradicted the love he professed for her!

And even after that, he continued to use his kindness to care for others, using his enthusiasm to engage with those around him, and everyone who met him would praise him and say how lucky my friend was to have such a kind boyfriend! So, he always believed that he was doing the right thing, until one day, all the kindness he had shown to many other women was rejected; even the female customer mentioned earlier also chose to prioritise her own interests over any preferential treatment towards him when things got personal. At that moment, he finally realised the problem, but by then, his girlfriend already no longer wanted to be with him…!

 Such a sad story, right? However, do you see this story play out often in our lives? Many men really do “hide behind” their kindness and good nature to please others, all the while causing deep hurt to those closest to them!

Next, here is another story related to a man’s kindness in a love story. Please stay tuned!

In the previous story, it was mainly because of the boyfriend’s “intentional” kindness that he ended up hurting the one he loved—and at the same time, he was fully aware of the pain he was causing but chose to continue being kind to others while ignoring the wounds he inflicted on his girlfriend. This second story, however, unfolds in a way where the boyfriend unconsciously hurts the one he loves through his own acts of kindness!

Second story
This couple is made up of two people who have been close friends of mine for many years, so I know their personalities quite well.

They were a very good match, and each of them is confident, attractive, and charming to the opposite sex. Besides their appearance, they are both kind-hearted and quite endearing to others.

However, in this story, I will focus on the boyfriend’s side—a man who is both attractive and able to read people very well! He is skillful in his interactions, combined with a friendly and enthusiastic demeanour towards everyone, regardless of who they are, which makes him quite popular with members of the opposite sex, even though he already has a “companion.”

My friend genuinely loves his girlfriend, and he loves her a lot. However, like many other couples, they also experienced many difficulties, conflicts, and disagreements, gradually leading to arguments over things that happened in their lives or in their relationship.

To briefly describe the girlfriend, she is also a very kind person whom I know well; she also has many admirers and people who like her, but she is always very clear about her stance, never allowing anyone of the opposite sex to misinterpret her feelings as she always made sure others knew how much she respected her boyfriend, so she never gave any other man hope or a chance to get closer.

Nonetheless, her boyfriend did not necessarily act the same way; despite his deep love for his girlfriend, as a man, he tended to prioritise his own ego over everything else. He always believed that it was not necessary to let anyone know how much he loved his girlfriend, as long as he knew how he felt in his heart, and of course, he did not think it mattered much how the opposite sex treated him either. So, he chose to continue being kind without paying much attention to how others perceived his behaviour.

And then, what was bound to happen eventually did. Through some unintended actions, his kindness and friendliness caught the attention of one of his female colleagues. When his girlfriend started noticing that this colleague was acting “unusually” towards her boyfriend, she spoke to him about it. She wanted him to be careful not to let the colleague develop any misunderstandings or romantic feelings. She was very direct with him, stating that if he continued to let these misunderstandings happen without changing his behaviour or how he interacted with this colleague, she would assume that he was encouraging her and that he, too, liked her.

When my friend heard his girlfriend say that, he agreed to change and be more mindful, as he did not realise that his enthusiasm had caused that misunderstanding. However, with his naturally friendly and kind personality, and since the man and the female colleague worked closely together, they could not completely avoid some light physical contact, so it was not possible to prevent the colleague from feeling “special.” Even though my friend was entirely innocent and oblivious, the colleague seemed to think otherwise.

After that candid conversation, the girlfriend still noticed that the colleague continued to show affection beyond mere friendship towards her boyfriend, and from that point on, the couple started arguing more often. Their relationship gradually reached a dead end, leading to their eventual breakup.

Even though both of them are my friends, in this story, I side with the girlfriend. This is because in their relationship, she has done an excellent job of maintaining clarity and boundaries in her interactions with other men, while always showing respect for her boyfriend. On the other hand, also as the boyfriend’s friend, I know that he is a very kind, sociable, and considerate person who often helps others. However, I disagree with the way he has behaved, because the kindness that matters most is the kindness towards oneself and those closest to us. Building a strong foundation with one’s partner and loved one is a responsibility that everyone in a relationship should uphold to protect their own happiness, which in turn enables them to help others.

It is not about elevating one’s ego while pushing the concerns of their partner aside, causing them to suffer—because if you think about it, that is not truly being 100% kind at all.

Do you agree with my point of view? Let me give you another example:
When you are out and you happen to see someone showing love and respect towards their partner, whether that partner is present or not, ask yourself—would you not want someone like that by your side too? The answer is undoubtedly yes!

To me, when we are wholeheartedly kind, fulfil our role, and ensure that our partner feels warm and secure in the relationship, even if one day the relationship no longer has the fate to continue, I believe that kind, lovely, and responsible people will never lack those who want them in their lives in the future!

In any romantic relationship, loving, being kind, and respecting your partner is a responsibility we should all take on. That is also because we do not know what life has in store for us, or whether we have enough fate with our current relationship to keep it going forward—no one can know for sure. However, it is through the good qualities and values we build in our love that we will have the chance to meet better and more suitable people later on!

However, if you choose to prioritise your ego above everything else and do not exercise kindness in the right measure, place, or context, etc., sooner or later, your relationship will come to an end, and you will leave a not-so-positive impression in the eyes of your partner or even among your friends who observe your relationship. Because in their eyes, it may appear that you did not truly love with kindness, because if you did, you would not have been “greedy,” trying to please everyone around you to gain their affection, but ultimately leaving your partner hurt and walking away from you!

As fate would have it, both stories of the two couples I mentioned above ended the same way, and both were due to the kindness not being exercised in the right measure, place, and context by the two boyfriends. This led both girlfriends, who once loved deeply, to end their once very beautiful relationships because they felt hurt, disrespected, and unsafe!

My dear friend,
Of course, I always believe that we are all kind people. However, if that kindness is exercised appropriately, in the right place and in the right circumstances, it will bring fulfilment not only to yourself but also to the person you are helping and to the relationships around you!

I also understand that it is difficult to achieve this, but our lives have never been easy anyway. At any point in life, we all need to make choices. Whether those choices are mutually beneficial or whether they inadvertently hurt others depends on our decisiveness and self-control!

Here is a little secret for you:
Once you have established certain positive values within yourself through genuine and proper kindness, good and suitable connections will naturally come your way because of that endearing kindness!

I hope that the perspective I am sharing today will, in some way, help you improve your life for the better. Especially for those who already possess inherent kindness. I sincerely wish that you will continue to progress towards the right kind of kindness, create true values for yourself, and always find true happiness.

“If you are kind, don’t worry about being alone!” Remember that!

Much love,
Truly Inspired