WHEN LOVE IS ABUNDANT

Recently, without knowing why, I have been receiving lots of love-related or marriage-related questions. It is interesting how these questions seem to carry a certain weight, is it not? They often come across as attempts to make sense of things, such as:

• “Why did he say he loves me and even bought me flowers and gifts on our anniversary, but could become so harsh and crude when he was jealous?”

• “Why does my partner seem so indifferent? I know he cares about me, but I was always the one reaching out to him first. It made me wonder so much.”

• “If someone only gives you gifts or shows affection on special occasions only whenever you remind them to do so in a relationship, is that real love?”

etc.

There are many more questions similar to these, but I could only touch on a few representative ones. I have written quite a bit about love and relationships on the Truly Inspired website and fan page. I have shared specific stories and situations within articles such as “What are the limits of love,” “A shirt button,” “Love with mindfulness,” “To be happy, do not be lazy,” and many more. Each article carries its unique nuanced message, but they all share the hope that you, the reader, will find positive thoughts, actions, and energies for your relationship.

Meanwhile, in this article, “When Love Is Abundant,” I hope to shed light on what it truly means when someone loves you, as opposed to when people wear a mask of love, causing confusion and hesitation in your choices. Let us explore two love stories from young couples in their 20s below:

First story:
I have a colleague at Truly Inspired who I have known for quite some time. She shared her love stories along with many events in her daily life with openness and sincerity with me after each meeting. From my perspective, she is a carefree and kind-hearted person, sometimes a bit too naive but is very sincere and simple in her ways. She was in a relationship with a guy in his 30s, a few years older than her. They have been together for several years, of course, arguments and intense breakups were inevitable. The special point, though, was that after every disagreement, her boyfriend was always the first to make amends. When they were together, it was he who always cooked, shopped, and took care of every one of her needs. According to her, he often went above and beyond for her. There were even times when they were both busy, but he still found time to cook, clean, and ensure that she could complete her work tasks. These gestures have become a routine, not just a sign of an established love anymore.

This is a glimpse of what “When Love Is Abundant” means, my dear friend! When someone loves you deeply and understands you clearly, they will cherish you, whether it is through material or emotional means, regardless of distance, without asking you to do anything in return. Of course, it is best when the relationship is reciprocal. That is when love truly thrives.

Second story:
This story comes from one of my clients who is also in a relationship in their 20s for about a year. The girl had recently emerged from a 7-year relationship with lots of emotional scars and trauma. About a year later, she met her new, current boyfriend. They quickly hit it off due to their compatibility in conversations, dining preferences, and even more intimate matters. However, after about six months together, she felt the initial sparkle fading. If she did not initiate a conversation first, he would not ask about her day either. If she did not ask for help or attention, he would not realise she needed it.

All the previous dates and gifts that he quickly bought for her were also recommended by her. Even on her birthday, if her best friend did not plan everything, he had no intentions of hosting anything for her, not even a simple date with both of them. She started to feel that everything he said and did was like a conquest as if he was trying to win her over. The deeper she got into the relationship, the less his actions matched his words.

When I heard this, I thought of the term “rebound relationship”. It is a form of recovery, one that appears to help heal the wounds of the previous relationship, similar to using a new relationship to fill the void left by the old one. Initially, the girl genuinely felt refreshed and happy in the new relationship. However, after a while, when her partner no longer showed interest and care like in the beginning, she was immediately reminded of the old pain. Then, she fell into the misery of herself all over again.

She realised she had been loving the wrong way and learned a painful yet enlightening lesson: When someone loves you enough, they will do everything for you. When someone truly loves you, they will always pay attention to you, try to be with you, take care of you, and bring you joy. Someone who truly loves you will rarely put you in a position of doubt, wondering if their actions are right or wrong.

If not, it is all just layers of love masks that were meant to initially satisfy and confuse you with nothing more.

Love is something you might not see with your eyes, but you should always be able to feel it in your heart. If you cannot feel it, it either is not there or it is very scarce, my friend!

I will give you a personal example. Even though I am a coach, I am still just a petite woman, so I always want to be cherished, loved, and valued by my husband. Fortunately, I have been lucky enough to meet someone who treated me like that. Even if I am being a bit stubborn and upset at him, he still arranges my pillow neatly whenever I go to bed, holds me close, never raises his voice, and still irons my pyjamas. Every little thing is an expression of his care and love. Therefore, my dear friend, when someone truly loves you, not only could you feel it but you would witness it every day!

I understand that there is no specific ideal formula or model in the world for love. It all depends on individuals, circumstances, and the depth of love they have for each other. Therefore, do not compare or scrutinise others too much. Stay conscious!

Love with mindfulness to distinguish what should and should not be done in a relationship. Love with understanding to have enough appreciation for your partner and enough respect for yourself!

Much love,
Truly Inspired