PREFERENCES AND NECESSITIES: WHAT MATTERS MOST FOR AN ADULT?

I have posed the above question to many people who I had the chance to interact with before, including family members, friends, clients, and even some of my colleagues at work.

From all the responses I received, they were often categorised into the following groups: responses choosing “Preferences” – often from those under 25, and responses choosing “Necessities” – often from those 25 and older. Do you know why there is such a difference?

Young people under 25 are usually those who have just recently graduated from universities and are still diving into the joys of freedom and independent life. For them, after 18 years of living under the care of their parents, and even when studying in universities, they were still somewhat “confined” and guided by the rules of the institution, the strict advice or education of their parents. It was only after graduation that they truly began deciding everything on their own. They only have about 4-5 years to truly be themselves because, after that, most will likely start families. That is why they would prioritise using that free time to do what they love, even prioritising their “preferences” over everything. They will progressively experience everything that was once perhaps restricted by their parents. They will put all their might into soaring into the space full of their interests, gazing, and revelling in what belongs to their passion.

As for those over 25, they tend towards “Necessities” more because they have already gone through the “Preferences” phase. They have had a taste of freedom, at least once in life, to do what they like. The outcome could be good or not, but because they have gone through it, they have drawn certain lessons for themselves. These people have started to deeply understand the meaning of what is NECESSARY for their lives, for loved ones, for themselves, and their work. Additionally, they will prioritise what they NEED to do over what they LIKE.

However, you know what? 
For me, all along, I have always been learning to ENJOY doing what I NEED to do joyfully. Why learn to enjoy the process? That is because sometimes, there are things you never enjoy doing, yet you still need to finish them because it is beneficial for your life, for your loved ones, or even for yourself! Therefore, when you learn to enjoy the process bit by bit, you will carry less discomfort in your mind, and the results will become better. Once you have overcome the barriers in your mind and the indulgence in your feelings, you have conquered yourself. There is no victory that is more meaningful than that!

Let me give you a few examples to help you visualise this perspective!

I know a girl who truly hates anything related to calculations and numbers, but statistics-related jobs could provide her with a substantial income, helping her family and supporting her city life. Therefore, she spent a lot of time “digesting” knowledge she did not enjoy studying at all, meticulously taking notes, learning, and practising every day, because she knew exactly what that job would bring back for her if she truly exerted effort and tried enjoying the things she “did not like” while working. Currently, she still has not truly enjoyed the work, but her skills have gotten better, she has had regular clients, and her income has become more stable than before. She has also been able to finish many of her plans through learning to “Enjoy doing the Necessities” every day.

In another case, my friend is not a fan of physical activity, even if it is just walking lightly on a treadmill. However, after working excessively, irregularly eating or sleeping, and sitting continuously for long hours every day, her legs, back and shoulder muscles stiffen, leading to poor blood circulation. Her body was always in a state of fatigue, indifference, and irritability. After seeing a doctor, she was advised to allocate 30 minutes every day for jogging or swimming to improve the aches and pains. Of course, she did not like these suggestions from the doctor, but if she ignored them, her condition might become chronic and harder to treat, especially as she got older. Therefore, for the past few months, she started going to the gym and walking for 10 minutes every day, then gradually increasing to 30 minutes. At first, she was very tired and uncomfortable because sweating too much forced her to wash her hair every day, which took up a lot of her time. However, after a few months of walking and exercising, she became completely accustomed to it, even less irritable, and her face, and skin also became healthier, and more radiant. She felt more comfortable, which made her performance at work better. Then, in the end, she overcame her procrastination, overcame her laziness, and began to enjoy the feeling of burning energy every day at the gym, or occasionally at the pool.

Now, another example about a man. This guy is intelligent and talented at his job, but he is also someone who loves freedom to the extent that even writing down tasks that are to be done each day on a notepad feels like harsh restrictions or some regulations for him. He only likes to do what is already in his head and does not like prearrangement. Until one day, he had a younger colleague, a freshly graduated student that worked in the same department with him. After 6 months of working together, she surprisingly won the award for the outstanding all-round employee in the company anniversary celebration, while that was an award he thought he would have achieved because he had completed most tasks that the company assigned. However, do you know what? Because of his capriciousness, irregular being on and off, and never meticulously reviewing himself at work, not jotting down the reminders and issues that his boss assigned, he did not complete some critical projects.

As for her, it is different. Because of the awareness of being inexperienced in this job, she did not take everything lightly. She was always ready to take note of what needed to be done each day, even if she did not like it due to the overwhelming amount of bullet points. However, thanks to her effort and adaptability, and her learning to enjoy the nitty-gritty in her work, she completed everything better and had more time to participate in other projects. The final result has been good for her, thanks to her diligence and prioritising what needed to be done over what she liked to do.

My dear friend,
Sometimes, making an effort to do things you do not like but are necessary will bring you results beyond imagination.
Sometimes, by learning to enjoy what needs to be done, you overcome the barriers and limitations of yourself.
Sometimes, prioritising what needs to be done in life, or work, over your preferences will give you the capacity to solve problems better!

Therefore, Preferences and Necessities, what matters more for an adult? You probably have had your answer by now, right?
We do not necessarily have to conquer the world to identify our abilities and self-worth, but sometimes just by understanding what is NECESSITY and what is PREFERENCE, you have already won in life!

Keep it up!

Much love,
Truly Inspired®