THE ENDLESS LOOP OF SELF-DOUBT AND HOW TO OVERCOME IT

Do you still remember the concept of “harmoniously integrated loner” and “solitary loner” that I mentioned in the article “Why do you feel lonely and struggle to open up?”

Among the reasons leading someone to the state of being “solitarily lonely” that I mentioned, there is a connection to self-doubt. Those who have been belittled or made fun of in the past carry a great fear and always remain in a state of shyness and lacking confidence when facing everyone else. Some may even be self-conscious within themselves, always fleeing when confronted with themselves.

It is truly challenging for someone who has lived in fear, shyness, and lack of self-assurance to step out of their shell. The primary factor that nurtures self-doubt is our daily thoughts. From thoughts come actions, actions yield results, and results create those endless loops. However, there is a solution to this problem!

Have you ever come across this study: 
In the book “The Message of Water”, the Japanese author, Dr. Masaru Emoto, pointed out that the crystals of frozen water can express the energies they are receiving. According to his research, he discovered that water taken from cool, clean streams, or water frequently exposed to beautiful, loving words, when frozen, would display incredibly beautiful, vibrant crystals with a snowflake-like structure in luminous colours. On the other hand, water taken from polluted sources or water regularly subjected to negative words, insults, and criticisms, when frozen, would have less attractive shapes, and the colours would be somewhat darker.

The book also showed readers that our lives will always be influenced by corresponding surrounding frequencies and energies. When you are exposed for a long time to a harmful environment, with taunts, jeers, or malicious remarks, you tend to become easily irritable or negative, retreat inwardly, and harbour resentment towards the outside world. For you, the outside world seems “ugly” and it appears that no one out there loves, understands, or values you. However, conversely, when you are always surrounded by people with positive energy, who acknowledge and consistently transmit love to you, you tend to look at things objectively, happily, and with full vitality.

Let me share another story for you to understand that the endless loops of self-doubt will always try to return to you. However, of course, you can absolutely overcome them once you identify the root cause:

Back in school, did you know anyone who, every time they talked to someone, especially adults or teachers, tended to lower their head, only looking at the ground or their feet, being too afraid to look directly into the eyes of the person they were talking to?

I believe that in the 70s, 80s, and 90s, cases like that were not too rare, right? Therefore, among those friends or acquaintances of yours, up to now, many years after leaving school, have they become owners of a business, or do they have a successful, happy life? Or are they still unfortunately struggling in life, and rarely daring to contact old friends? I believe there would be both cases.

That is because there are many cases like that surrounding me. 
I have a younger friend, about 10 years younger than me. Before, when we used to be closer, once, he told me about his family’s situation when he was little. A family that could be described as “poorer than poor,” with five children, and parents without a stable job. The house they lived in was even borrowed from relatives.

He told me that, from his childhood, until he was 18-20, he had never once experienced love or flirted with any girl, even though he knew how to cook, do housework, and did not engage in any types of drinking or partying. In general, he was quite a catch for many girls. However, because he grew up in difficult circumstances, never once receiving much respect, encouragement, or recognition for his talents from those around, even though he excelled in his studies, he was always given the nickname “the poor student who overcomes hardships” accompanied by mocking remarks such as “You are so smart, but do you have money?”, or phrases like “Even if you study well, it is not certain you will find a job in the future,” “Without money, how will you succeed?”, etc.

Living for so long with the belief that he was poor and worthless, he also saw himself that way. He was always hesitant when facing judgement and evaluation from those around him. He felt fearful every time he looked into someone’s eyes. He consistently carried the feeling of being lesser than the person in front of him, no matter who they were.

However, one day, his life began to change, all because someone told him: “You are so smart, I just wish I had known you earlier. There has been no one who could teach me as well as you!” That was also the first time he took the plunge and dared to work as a tutor for a city girl to earn extra income that supported his life back in his freshman year. He recounted that the girl had studied with many different teachers, but only made little progress. After meeting him, she suddenly started understanding things very quickly from what he taught her. Even though at the time he still thought of himself as quite plain and not particularly talented.

Every day he would go to the girl’s house to tutor her, and of course during that time, not once did he not receive praise, and compliments from the girl, as well as from her parents, every time the lesson ended. From then on, he also gradually became more confident in his abilities. He enthusiastically taught the girl and was devoted to each lesson, helping her get into university with very high scores in the subject he taught.

From a poor and extremely self-conscious boy, after a period of exposure to people with high, positive energy, joy, and the recognition that both the girl and her family gave him, that boy changed his life to a better version. He started to change how he saw himself, thinking: “Oh, so I do have value, I do have ability!”

You know, now that girl is about to become his fiancée, and that boy has also become the owner of a tutoring centre with three branches in major cities in his hometown back in Vietnam. Not only did he change his life, but when achieved success, he also created a lot of value for society, providing jobs for many teachers and students to join the teaching profession.

Through this small story, perhaps you have seen what is needed to overcome the loop of self-doubt is: to change your living environment, right? 
If you see it that way, you are not wrong at all, because if a person is not capable of protecting their soul, then at first, seek the support of the environment around them. Be courageous in leaving the old place, old people, and anything that causes you harm and suffering. Then seek out places, people, and environments where you feel happy and comfortable being with.

This is by no means escaping, but simply, you need to be separated from the negative environment to rediscover your voice and inner worth. To reaffirm the inner value that you possess, eliminate everything that affects your mood, and then you can face the self-doubt within you with composure.

Next, frequently practise having conversations and affirming yourself every day. The simplest thing is to write down positive affirmations every day, like:

• I am striving to develop myself every day.
• I have the talent and value to help others.
• I am unique and unlike anyone else.
• I have a good future and a good life…

Although you may find it a bit peculiar when you start doing these things, you, my dear, save yourself from the mud of self-doubt, and wash them away with those positive affirmations, they will gradually cleanse your mind.

This is by no means an ancient secret remedy or anything that you do once and then sit back hoping for its effectiveness. You need to do this repetitively every day, combined with continuously moving forward, learning, and changing yourself better little by little, and you will surely awaken the dormant person and the wonderful dreams deep within you!

Remember, others have the right to think everything about you, whether good or bad. However, only you have the right to decide who you are, my dear! Do not let the loops of self-doubt encircle you, stand up strong, break free, and soar!

Much love,
Truly Inspired®