HOW DOES FAMILY EDUCATION INFLUENCE THE MARRIAGES OF YOUNG PEOPLE?

The other day, I came across a short video on social media where a young woman shared an experience of meeting her boyfriend’s family for the first time. However, after that initial meeting, she decisively broke up with her boyfriend.

The breakup reason can be summarized like this:
As soon as she arrived at her boyfriend’s house, she saw his parents and older brother sitting in the living room, watching the midday news and laughing together. They seemed to be very welcoming, waiting for the two of them to enter and introduce each other. At first, she felt that they were very warm and cheerful. Nonetheless, after a while, she noticed her boyfriend’s sister-in-law struggling to carry bags of various sizes from the gate into the house, with no one offering to help her, despite her being six months pregnant. She rushed to assist, but the others remained inside, chatting together. 

Then, the guy’s parents and brother went to their rooms to rest, read newspapers, or relax on a hammock outside, without putting in a single effort to help his pregnant sister-in-law prepare lunch. She was alone, burdened with cooking in a stuffy kitchen. It was all only her by herself. Feeling indignant, the narrator hurried to the kitchen to help the pregnant woman with gathering ingredients and engaged in conversations with her. After the meal, the guy’s sister-in-law wearily cleared the dishes and sat down to wash them, which left her quite unsettled.

While recounting this part, I thought to myself that maybe her boyfriend’s family wanted to test how she would perceive such situations, and their behavior might not necessarily reflect their true nature. However, my perspective shifted after hearing her boyfriend’s explanations of her concerns. I was slightly taken aback. That was because I had assumed that families with such old-fashioned, unreasonable lifestyles had slowly disappeared in this modern era, yet it appeared not to be the case.

Her boyfriend’s family always behaves like this. Women undertake all the tasks that men labeled as “trivial,” such as cleaning, cooking, and shopping for groceries. Back then when her mother-in-law had not had a daughter-in-law yet, she did all of this herself, too. Now that she has her first daughter-in-law, this woman handles everything. She shared with her boyfriend that household duties are not solely a woman’s responsibility and that sharing them could lead to greater happiness. However, he insisted, “Household chores are for women,” questioning why men should interfere with that. Even after marriage, she will continue to assist his sister-in-law in the same way. This tradition has persisted in his family, unchanged, and he perceives it as perfectly fine.

Therefore, that young woman made the strong decision to end that relationship.

As someone living in a modern society, with a multidimensional perspective on human values and behaviors, I could not help but empathize with her feelings upon hearing her story. I felt a deep sense of unease. Unease about the perception of household tasks, caregiving, cooking, and family responsibilities being considered trivial, insignificant, unworthy of acknowledgment, and not deserving of shared effort from men. My heart ached for the first daughter-in-law in that family and even for the second daughter-in-law in the future, who might marry the other son of them.

I have never judged or passed judgment on others based on their lifestyles or viewpoints, as I am not directly involved in their situations. However, when it comes to matters related to behavior and family-oriented ideologies, I believe these topics warrant attention and discussion.

Returning to the boyfriend in the story, I acknowledge that his perspective is not entirely incorrect. That is because his mindset stems from his upbringing, observations, and exposure to his family ever since childhood. He likely cares for his mother and, of course, for his girlfriend, whom he introduced to his family. Nonetheless, he has grown up in an environment where men are revered and women are meant to be revered, making it challenging for him to see things differently. His mindset aligns with traditional family norms. He may have worked and interacted with various individuals with different lives, but consider this: a mindset and habit ingrained over two decades of life, can it easily be transformed solely for the sake of others?

Hence, I do not intend to label that boyfriend as entirely wrong. What is more important to highlight here is how he was nurtured and what he witnessed.

Education in behavior and ideology within families significantly shapes the quality of young individuals’ future marriages. If you grow up in a family that values unity, sharing, assistance, and love, demonstrated through actions that do not discriminate between responsibilities and tasks based on gender, you will undoubtedly treat your partners and future children the same way. This lifestyle will carry forward through generations, starting from you.

A happy family begets happy individuals.
A family with a nurturing ideology and behavior will propagate more families with outstanding ideologies and behaviors.

Conversely, families that favor males and belittle female responsibilities, relegating all household chores to women’s shoulders, will likely create resentment, injustice, discomfort, and bitterness within the other women. As a result, true happiness for all becomes elusive, as those burdened with excessive family duties will constantly feel upset and shortchanged, if not treated well!

Additionally, as you can see, for girls with modern perspectives like the protagonist of our story, accepting a husband who refuses to share household responsibilities, and who is not willing to partake in nurturing their home, becomes almost inconceivable. Even if a girl does accept this mindset, their marriage will resemble two strangers relying on each other, one demanding adoration and the other striving to sacrifice everything, sometimes until exhaustion. Such households will inevitably experience more disputes, conflicts, and tensions than moments of happiness.

I am also sure you have witnessed that kind of marriage that was depicted above in your daily life, have you not? Its outcome often involves fractures, emotional scars, and psychological effects on the children born into such families, is that right? Even if there were no breakups or divorces, it might result in overly enduring wives, or they might come to accept their lives as they are, believing things cannot be any different. However, do they realize that this directly influences the thinking and choices of their children, especially in families with daughters?

In my view, regardless of gender, to achieve happiness, each person must have a sense of responsibility to care for their life. Whether single or married, we can still make each other’s lives complete and joyful without waiting, depending, or causing pain for anyone.

Let’s cultivate and impart to our future generations the notion of an independent life for greater freedom and happiness. Therefore, they will always live like that, regardless of the circumstances, whether they are male or female.

Our children will become responsible men, and independent women, and they will always be aware of how to build a happy married life! It all depends on the guidance, ideological education, and behavior of your family, starting today! Instead of forcing your children to do many things just because you think it is good for them, first, let’s change and start taking action ourselves, shall we?

Much love,
Truly Inspired