WHAT DOES IT TRULY MEAN TO RESPECT OTHERS?

Upon hearing this question, some might think respecting others is an obvious and well-understood concept from a young age; everyone knows how to behave respectfully, so why bother analysing it, right?

However, wait a minute! Read further to see if we are indeed talking about the same thing and the same meaning of “respect,” shall we?

Growing up deeply influenced by East Asian cultural traits, particularly from a country rich in traditions like mine, I have always been surrounded by teachings about observing, loving, revering the elderly, harmonising with children, and being attentive to others, etc.

I am truly grateful to have been raised among such genuinely kind and well-mannered people. However, there are also times when the excessive concern or overattentiveness of those around can detract from the inherent “grace” of this beautiful culture.

Please yet to hastily perceive this as criticism, as on the contrary, I empathise with these people, understanding that different life circumstances and environments shape our unique ways of interaction. While some enhance the value and cultural norms of behaviour, others may inadvertently make it somewhat bothersome in the eyes of others.

For example: 
In my country Vietnam, when you suddenly meet someone after a long time, especially if they are close relatives, friends, or long-standing neighbours, both of you would usually greet each other with open arms and share stories and conversations.

It would be wonderful if the interaction stopped at asking about each other’s health, work, the new changes in life, and wishing each other well, etc. However, life is not always that simple!
There will be those who add questions like: What is your profession? How much do you earn from it? Is the monthly salary high, and how much? What position are you holding now, or are you still just an employee? Do you send money home to your parents? How much does your husband/wife earn? Or, why have you not married yet, are you too picky? Why do you not have children, etc. Oops!

A barrage of overly personal inquiries can suddenly make the conversation awkward, leaving the listener no longer wanting to respond and just looking for a way to exit the unexpected encounter!

Actually, these questions also stem from the genuine and kind-hearted interest that acquaintances and relatives have for each other. However, there are some questions that truly make the listener uncomfortable because they pertain to privacy that not everyone is always ready to share! And not everyone understands that “privacy” should be respected!

This is one of the things I want to talk to you about! Let us continue to explore the 7 types of respect below to see if we share the same views!

What does it truly mean to respect others?

1. Understanding that – there is always a difference in the thoughts between you and others

I have a little story like this:
I know a girl who is not suited for office jobs, does not want to do work that requires sitting in one place every day. Therefore, she chose to work remotely and freelance, taking jobs from clients and completing them, then getting paid regularly while still staying at home or going to cafes to work every day. Recently, she has also developed an online business, earning a good income, enough to do the things she likes, learn what she needs, take care of her family, etc.

However, whenever she and her husband pack their bags to visit his family in the countryside, although no one says it out loud, through the behaviour, gestures, and attitudes of many of his relatives, she understands that they always think she just lives off her husband. Some months, the husband’s salary is not even as high as the income from one of the jobs she is doing, even though he has to be at the office very punctually every day and is also a Department Head. Even knowing this, she never boasts to others that she is actually the main source of income in the house.

She also said that another day, a neighbour near her husband’s house came over and saw her sitting on the phone consulting clients, and whispered:

• “Hey, find yourself a job to go to. Staying at home glued to the phone like that, how is that good, too idle. Like my daughter, she works at an office in the big city, it was hard at first but now it’s stable, a salary of 8 million VND per month (~300$), then there’s also pension support, much more stable you know! You’re a girl, you should find yourself a job or a profession!”
• “Yes, I do have my own job.”
• “What job is that? I heard you’re always at home and not going out to work!”
• “Well, this job doesn’t require going to the company but can still be done.”
• “Then, the salary must not be much! My daughter goes out to work all day, that’s why she earns a high salary like that! You should also do that to make your husband proud.”
• “Okay.”

Then the girl just smiled and let it go. Because she knows that the perspectives of the older generation and hers are far apart. Older people in the countryside will find it even harder to understand the work she is doing. For them, everything needed a proper status and an official position to be considered as “going to work” and “having a future.” She understands that with generational differences, arguing and trying to prove a point would not align.

She chose to stay silent and respect the thoughts of those elders. Most importantly, her husband knows, understands, and still loves her, and that is enough. She does not live with those elders, so there is no need to strictly clarify her stance to them.

This is the essence of respecting others even when they do not share your thoughts. We might disagree with someone on a certain issue, but we must still respect their way of thinking because what we experience and what they see can be very different.

There is no need to try to sway others to our side, nor should we belittle ourselves just because we do not follow someone else’s standards. You can share and contribute your viewpoint, but you cannot force others to absolutely listen to you.

2. Daring to love, daring to express your feelings without expecting the other person to reciprocate in the way you did.

Do you ever fear the kind of affection where, if you do not return it, they pursue you relentlessly, even to the point of intruding on your personal life and exhausting you?

I certainly do. Because for me, matters of the heart and emotions are private and should be judged based on the heart’s resonance, not because someone has been overly kind to us, obliging us to return the favour, or to care for and nurture them without the possibility of developing a romantic relationship! That, to me, is a lack of respect for the other person’s feelings, as well as for one’s own emotions.

Conversely, if I have feelings for someone and let them know, but they do not feel that I am the right fit, I will still respect their decision. Because, at least, their clear stance gives me the opportunity to find someone more compatible.

Affection is voluntary, affection is freedom, and it can even be UNREQUITED without needing the other to reciprocate just because you have done so much good for them! If you truly like them impartially, you might even find their rejection endearing!

3. Being aware that what you like might be something others detest or even avoid, and accepting this as a norm, is essential.

To illustrate, let us consider the differences between an introvert and an extrovert.

Introverts enjoy their solitude, often staying at home, or if they venture into crowded places, they tend to retract into their own world to such an extent that whenever you think of them, the image of someone “cocooned” in their own space is vividly apparent. They seem lonely and dull to you! When you have a friend like this, you repeatedly try to drag them out to social gatherings and parties with you, hoping to alleviate their boredom and blandness.

You, an extrovert, believe that being active is the only way to be energised. Youth, to you, means being bold, noisy, and lively – that is what it means to truly live your young years. You draw energy and positivity from crowds, but your friend rejuvenates through quiet moments with a book, a cup of coffee, and instrumental music. The silence provides them with a rich inner life, allowing them to view the world through a vibrant lens hidden within. They are not averse to social interactions; they just do not prefer crowds. If you do not believe it, try sitting down with them to discuss a topic they enjoy. You will find they can talk all day with abundant energy!

Life is built on differences, even opposing ones. Thus, our task is to accept and coexist “peacefully” with everything and everyone. If we obsess over each difference in others, chances are, no one would be able to get along!

4. Understanding that there is no need to dim someone else’s shine for you to glow.

Everyone will have different results and achievements, depending on their efforts and their own stage of personal development.
Seeing someone at the peak of success does not mean they will not face failures ahead. Conversely, witnessing someone not yet successful does not mean they can never succeed!

We must remember that if you excel in one area, there will always be someone else who excels in another. Even if two people are doing well in the same field, their unique strengths both contribute to that success, so there is no need to dissect who is better or worse at what.

Especially within a group or team, we certainly do not need to snuff out someone else’s light for ours to shine. Just like how you might not see some stars in the night sky, but they are still there, shining and fulfilling their purpose. When the stars and the moon shine together, the moon’s light, no matter how bright, never obscures the stars. They twinkle together, and we can see them both!

In work, you might not hold high positions or roles, but without your contribution, the chain will not be complete! On the other hand, whether you are a small link or the driving force within that chain, if the others are missing, it is also hard to get the job done, right?

5. Being ready to politely decline others, without judging the rightness of their actions.

Have you ever refused someone or been refused? Be it in matters of the heart, in offering help, in sharing, etc. If so, how did it feel? It is quite hard to describe, right?

Both scenarios make managing emotions afterward challenging. However, declining someone or their proposal can be more difficult than being declined yourself. We often fall into the trap of judging and commenting on the other person’s actions after considering their proposal or deed.

It is not easy to learn to view things impartially. It is even harder for us to stop at merely acknowledging someone else’s actions without adding our subjective judgement. However, if possible, try to practise such a “zero state” – a state of impartiality, non-judgment – as it will not only be good for your emotions, but it also avoids making the declined person feel hurt.

As lucky individuals living in a modern era with all its conveniences and civilization, we should also learn to decline in a civilised and modern manner!

6. Helping others without expecting acknowledgment.

“Give without expecting anything in return” is a principle I often share and remind my team members of whenever they are inclined to do something good. I bring it up again whenever they confide in me about a beneficial deed they have done but then received indifference from those they helped.

The most relatable issue might be: lending money to someone in need, only to find them unwilling to help when you are the one facing difficulties, even though you know they are fully capable of doing so.

When faced with such situations, it is natural for us to feel upset, frustrated, and even resentful because the person did not help us, acknowledge, or remember the favour we did for them, right?

However, try to stay calm and remember that when that person was in trouble, you helped them out of the goodness of your heart, VOLUNTARILY, without being coerced. That means you already had the choice to help them or not at that moment.

However, out of love and concern, you still chose to help them. That is a beautiful thing about you, so cherish it! If the other person does not acknowledge or remember what you did, then that is on them. It is possible they have not realised the value of your help, or maybe they are just not the type to openly recognise others.

So, why worry any further? Continue to do what is good and right, and let the rest be up to others!

7. Stopping the comparison with others. 

As mentioned in the fourth point, each person is born with their unique mission, and so are you. It is hard not to compare ourselves when looking around at others’ lives, but does that comparison often not make you feel worse about yourself and believe you cannot measure up to friends or acquaintances?

That is because we humans tend to look up rather than looking around or below! Looking up, you can only see others as bigger than yourself. You forget to look down to see many who are in more challenging situations than yours, and you forget to look around to see, oh, there are still many others on the same journey as you! If you broaden your perspective, you will realise that dwelling on others’ successes to lament your own career is truly meaningless!

Stopping the comparison with those around you is also a form of respect for others, as well as for yourself! When you stop comparing, you rid yourself of narrow-minded jealousy. When you stop comparing, you do not underestimate anyone’s value, including your own! Everyone is already doing their best in their roles and jobs, utilising their talents and contributing in the best way possible!

Focus on doing your job well, developing and improving yourself, and just keep moving forward, my dear friend! One day, you will look back and smile brightly at the journey you have embarked on with dedication and focus!

With the seven concepts of respecting others that I have shared above, do you see a reflection of yourself in them? Sometimes, attitudes and behaviours that seem quite ordinary can encapsulate a whole definition of respect that we might not notice!

However, the most significant message I wish to convey to you is: Learn to respect everything about yourself, for only then will you truly know how to respect others more!

On behalf of my team, I extend to you a warm embrace!
No matter how far the journey, no matter how tired your feet, no matter how weary your heart, always remember to cherish yourself so you can respect those around you too!

Much love,
Truly Inspired