Teenagers – Is there really a true friendship?

At some points in my life, I swiftly recall the memories of my student life years where my friends and I were having fun riding around on bicycles, playing shuttlecock or studying together, and even the times where we were mad at each other but never took too long to resolve the conflicts. Perhaps the best gift of the teenage years is to be able to live within the purest friendships. We could be studying together, planning the dumbest antiques and jokes together, and even ugly crying out loud together on our graduation day.

School has given me many close friends, but there are also people who no longer keep in touch with each other. At that age, I did not have too many friends, in my class I usually stayed close to only two or three people whom I felt were the most genuine, cute and kind. Back then, the biggest concerns for us kids were homework, grades, parents scolding and truancy. But from those little things that we had to get through, we somehow got closer and closer with one another. I still remember how we always kept secrets for each other and had many times “covered” for each other’s “criminal” stories.

And during your teenage years, I think you will experience many memories just like mine. Sometimes, you are so close to someone that if your friendship is broken, you will also feel as painful as breaking up with your first love. I still remember once one of the sisters in my team told me about the time when she really bawled her eyes out because her best friend started to hang out with new people other than her, and since both of them had been known to be “inseparable”. She was so upset that she did not want to go to school anymore just because her best friend was busy dating someone else and did not have time with her.

My dear friend,

Having gone through my school years and experienced all the “gains” and “losses” in friendships, in today’s post I want to share with Truly Inspired‘s teenage readers how true friendships should be built and constructed, and how to overcome the pain of losing a beautiful friendship.

Teenage friendships can be easily broken due to many reasons

When you decide to befriend someone, you would never want to expect that friendship to have an “expiry date”. Some people are lucky enough to have been sticking together from school days until they went to work, to marriage, and even to their old age. I have always admired such timeless friendships, since I understand how making friends is hard but maintaining it for the long run is even harder.

Sadly, many of my school friends no longer keep in touch or even have any interactions on social networks. I still remember my best friends in elementary and middle schools, who have now become my “old friends”. School-age friendship is really fragile because not many people are mature enough to actually understand the beauty of it.

Teen friendship cannot be ignored on social media platforms. Currently, Gen Z is the generation that is more open to making friends online. You can easily get acquainted and can often interact with each other’s accounts on social networks. But there are also many cases where they only interact enthusiastically online, but when they meet at school, they barely say any words or share anything with one another.

Once, I heard a friend of mine recount that her sister used to text a friend in the online drawing group that she also joined. Because they both went to the same school, the two of them seemed to never run out of things to talk about whenever they chatted, from studying, taking exams to the times of misbehaving or breaking school rules. That girl thought that when she had shared things like that, she could somehow become closer to her friend; but when both of them met at school, the others always pretended that she did not know my friend’s sister. That single thing upset her all week long. When the sister decided to text the friend to ask about everything, the simple answer she received was that the other girl just simply enjoyed talking to people online. After this incident, the two of them could no longer stay close to each other online since if one person did not know how to treasure the relationship, the other would be hurt.

Another person that I know was often complimented by an online friend that she looked beautiful and could sing very well every time she posted a video of her singing on social media. But later on, she realised that it was the same friend who went on and said the opposite of her to the others. The girl was utterly shocked and cried for weeks. Fortunately, that online relationship just stopped at the level of mere praises and criticisms without any contact or commitment, so she felt lucky that the story passed by quickly. However, after that, she no longer wanted to put in too much trust in online friendship, as well as began to be more afraid of words of encouragement and praises she received on social networks.

Teen friendships sometimes still have such unhappy stories. It is sad knowing that the people you trust can still hurt you.

In fact, not only teenagers but people from all ages can make and have as many sincere and cute friendships as they want! The point is just that you have to have the courage and sensitivity to realise upon this, and recognise whether the people you want to befriend are the right people or not.

Let me tell you another story to show you more about the fragility of school-age friendships.

When I was at school, I had a chubby and acne-prone girl in my class. Her best friend always advised her to lose weight, exercise more and eat more vegetables. But she did not privately address this to her but directly in front of her classmates, and the worst thing came as she started to get body shamed countless times after that incident. Sadly, those seemingly caring words only made things worse for the poor girl.

But actually, it may not be the case that the other girl was trying to be mean. It is just that she did not know how to express her opinion so that her friend would not get hurt. Even when we grow up, not everyone fully knows how to communicate effectively and considerately, and we often think that as long as we are close friends, it will be no big deal to bluntly tell the truth to others. The friendship is thus gradually falling apart.

There is another situation that I believe you may have experienced at some point, or at least have witnessed within your classes, which is that a certain group of friends can consist of many different people, but everyone is not equally as close to one another, whether that group has three or four people. The more people there are, the more people tend to be a tad bit closer to some specific people and vice versa.

In one of my old classes, there was also a group of three girls that usually hung out together. But one member of the group lived further away from the school than the other two, hence she sometimes went to school alone. The other two lived closer so they mostly shared a motorbike together. The other girl once confided to me that she felt sad because it somehow felt as if the two others always had their own world and secret stories that she did not have access to. Fortunately, this story did not last long as one of the girls in the group decided to honestly and bravely share her feelings for the other two. After that, the three got to know each other better and still maintained their friendship until graduation.

My dear friend, I have told you so many stories not because I want to show you that teenage friendships are hard to come by, but I hope you will understand that young friendships are always as beautiful and lively as your own age. Perhaps the most important thing you need to keep in mind is that you need to know how to “treat” your friends in the best ways.

How to maintain a good teenage friendship?

A beautiful friendship is built from the sincerity of both sides. Friendship is indispensable for understanding and sharing. The people who are willing to listen to you, understand you, sympathise with you and are ready to be by your side at all times are the ones you truly need to cherish.

Each person will have different criteria for a good friendship, but at the core, a lasting friendship must be based on sincerity. A sincere friend will always think of you, will never hurt you and will always wish you all the best things in this world. They also will not leave you no matter what happens. Just like the group of three friends I mentioned above, even though they had to face plenty of misunderstandings, they still knew how to be honest with each other and they could continue to stay together even until now.

A good friend is someone who understands your personality, your likes and dislikes, and your strengths and weaknesses. They can give you the advice you need the most for bettering your life. However, they will always treat you with respect and never even intend to interfere with your life. A true friend will not, in the name of friendship, force you to do things you are not ready for or not comfortable with.

A girl once told me that she once got really disappointed and asked to stop hanging out with her friend so that the other could decide to break up with her “trap-boy” lover. Although she thought that what she did was good for her friend, the friend actually found her selfish and wanted to ignore the girl’s words to manage her own affairs. The two were crazily mad at each other until the friend was abandoned by her boyfriend who then went on looking for other girls.

Obviously, the girl above wanted the best for her friend and hence reacted in such a way, but her interference in that friend’s private decisions made her and the friend fell further apart. So, in order to build a sincere friendship, both people need to acknowledge that they should bring positive energy to each other’s life. Do not ever try to hold onto relationships that suffocate and bring you down.

When I was in school, I used to ask my best friend to cut her hair and wear the same clothes as me so that everyone could see how close the two of us were. But she soon helped me understand that, no matter how close two people are, personal preferences should always be respected. She wanted to be herself and also let me be myself. I felt lucky as she has shown me how to maintain a good friendship in this sense, and I am happy that we were able to stick together for a long time. Her positive spirit has also given me a great amount of confidence.

You see, finding a good friendship is hard, but maintaining it is even harder. However, our only jobs are to be sincere, to share, and to respect; the other factors will change depending on who our friends are. And even though no one wants this to happen, you should also be ready for the friendship to be broken and learn how to go through that loss.

Then how can we overcome an accidentally broken friendship?

It is often said that youth is as quick as a shower of rain, but even if your shirt is wet, you still want to bathe in that rain once more. School-age friendships are crazily fragile and we need to learn to heal ourselves every time we lose a friendship.

There are a few things you can try to get over a friendship breakup:

When something unhappy happens, do not try to lock yourself up in a room to overthink or blame yourself or others. Activities that stimulate the body to produce more dopamine (also known as the happy hormone) such as sleeping, exercising, listening to music, journaling, etc. will help you feel more comfortable, and sadness and feelings of loss can also be somewhat alleviated. You can also try new activities that increase strength and confidence such as martial arts, boxing, dancing, etc.

In addition, recreational activities that help ease your mind such as reading books, listening to podcasts, watching movies, confiding in friends and relatives will also help you calm down and find some inner peace.

School-age friendship helps you have companionships and many good memories, but they cannot last forever. Your life needs to keep moving forward, and it can still be good even if you lose a friendship. The most important thing is that you learn to face it, to accept the truth, and to know how to make the right decisions. Everything will pass by and there will always be a solution. Broken friendships will help you realise who you need to cherish the most.

Currently, I don’t have too many friends, but they are all people that I love like family. We share everything together and enjoy seeing each other happy. I think friends don’t need a lot, just quality.

Try having a look into the adult world. They socialise a lot, know a lot, but everyone only has a limited number of close friends. So, when a school friendship is lost, smile and thank you for the beautiful things you both had. Confidently face the pain and you will then know how to go through it.

Don’t forget to take the time to love yourself more, too. Self is the faithful friend who will follow each of us to the end of the journey. So, embrace the child inside of you, heal the hurt and loss in your friendship with love for yourself. You will feel better soon!

Having a good friend is like having a loved one. True friends will find a way to stay with you instead of an excuse to leave. So cherish the present, cherish the lovely friends who are still patiently by your side. Because you deserve better relationships in the future.

Much love,

Truly Inspired